


The Beauty Underneath

by Sourlander



Series: Gingerpilot Teacher!AU [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adoption, Armitage Hux Has Issues, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Asexual Finn (Star Wars), Bookshop owner Finn, Brendol Hux Being a Jerk, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Building A Home, Eventual Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Kylux, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Rey is an author, Smut, Star Wars Modern AU, football coach Rose, lots of pets, teacher!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 59,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28115916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sourlander/pseuds/Sourlander
Summary: Principal Poe Dameron and his favourite member of staff, Armitage Hux, are building their lives together. Hux, the former actor, is busy rehearsing a play while Poe is doing his best to keep a nearly bankrupt school running in light of the First Order starting to take over Anchorhead town. And then, amidst the chaos and the blissful moments in between, a message arrives at their doorstep, which will turn their lives upside down
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Armitage Hux, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Series: Gingerpilot Teacher!AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2059689
Comments: 93
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! Part 2 of the Gingerpilot Teacher!AU. I'm not sure I'll post as frequently as I did the last one, but I'm really looking forward to writing this :-) Enjoy!
> 
> Yes, there will be mentions of Kylux and some violence, but I will put warning notes before each chapter so you can skip those parts if you want to.

The loud thud went straight through his core. He stood stock still, waiting for the shouts that would surely follow. But all he heard was the note, a poignant, average middle C, still hanging in the air as though dangling over all of them by a thread. Armitage stared up at the stage, his mouth dry, his limbs unwilling to move when he knew he should be jumping up on that stage straight away. His eyes were lingering on the form of the boy who had just crashed to the floor after his harness had ripped mid flight as he was soaring across the stage.

And then Mark was moving, raising his hand. Groaning. One sound that was enough to finally pull Armitage back into action. Within seconds he was next to the boy, heart hammering. “Are you okay?” he asked as about ten more students came rushing on stage as well.

“Urgh!” Mark groaned again and looked up at him. Blinking. Eyes focused.

Armitage let out a huff.

“Mark!” Nick squealed and Armitage looked up for a second to watch Chris and Gillian restraining him. Mark needed room to breathe. Not his boyfriend crashing down on top of him now as well.

“Where does it hurt? Can you move?”

“Yes…” Mark muttered breathlessly, blinking wildly up at the spotlights above. “No, I guess I’m okay.” He lifted his arm and pulled a face. “Ouch.”

“Stay there, okay?” Armitage was just on the verge of asking Gillian to go get the nurse, when Mark sat up, breathing heavily. “You really-“

“Nah, I’m okay.”

Armitage shook his head, already imagining the angry calls from Mark’s parents or their lawyers, effectively ending his career. Poe would kill him. Fire him first, then murder him slowly in an alley somewhere. And he’d deserve it. “Mark, you-“

“No, it’s alright?” Mark waved him off, stretched and looked up at the others. “I guess the harness is crap.” The comment earned him some belated laughter, but Armitage couldn’t find it in him to join in. Not with his heart still beating so fast and his hands shaking like this.

“I suppose it is,” he muttered and passed a hand over his face. “Come on, let’s pack up for today. It’s almost time anyway.”

The kids grudgingly complied. From the glances Christopher and Rami threw at each other, Armitage knew he’d made the right call. The incident had rattled them too. There was soft murmuring as the kids started packing up, neatly storing props on shelves behind the heavy curtain, switching the makeshift costumes for their real clothes, and shuffling through the pages of their manuscripts.

Armitage still stood in the centre of the stage, looking up at the framework of rigs and pulleys that should have supported Mark. His eyes lingered on the frayed rope. The one that had ripped, nearly causing a broken neck. If he didn’t know any better… but no, that was ridiculous.

He placed his hand over his mouth to hide the treacherous smile. No Phantom could possibly be stupid enough to find its way into Anchorhead Public High. They weren’t even performing anything that involved too much singing, so there was no highly talented soprano to steal away. Surely the Phantom would hate it.

“See you ‘round Mr Hux!” Gillian called to him, adjusting her backpack. Everyone else was already well on their way to the open doors.

“Yes,” he muttered, “see you tomorrow.” He cleared his throat, eyes searching the backs of the departing students for the tell-tale black backpack with he rainbow flag. “Mark, go see a doctor, please!” he shouted after them, but Mark merely waved, then took Nick’s hand and within seconds they were gone, leaving Armitage alone in this auditorium, which, suddenly, seemed far too big for a school this size.

“I’ve got something for you.”

Armitage looked up from the book he was holding, still undecided on whether or not he wanted a collection of Tom Stoppard’s plays. Starting to collect real, physical books was no small thing. It meant having more items in general. More items made it harder to move away from something. More stuff made your life cluttered and more comfortable. The realization had hit him like a mallet a few weeks ago when he had caught a break in this hectic yet weirdly well-adjusted life of his. He was doing this. He was starting to collect small, every day items. This was no sofa, or a table, or a desk, but something real. This was something you bought to keep around, not because you needed it. Like a vase or a silly snow globe. Poe was particularly fond of those.

_You already got yourself a cat, Armitage. That’s more permanent than a snow globe of a book. You_ _’ve decided to stay here over a year ago._

Yes, he had done that, hadn’t he?

But somehow it had never really become as apparent that he had found roots here than when he picked up this very book. The first play he had ever been in, had been by Tom Stoppard. _The Real Inspector Hound_ was a weirdly post-modern play within a play with so much meta talk, it could easily blow your mind. But he had loved it and he doubted anyone had ever played the role of Moon, the constantly-underestimated theatre critic as enthusiastically as him. Well… maybe he was thinking a bit much of himself there, but he’d felt weirdly connected to that character and-

“Armitage?”

Blinking, Armitage turned his head. Finn was standing at the end of the shelf, a book in his hands and frowning slightly. Armitage felt his cheeks go hot and he quickly clutched the book to his chest. It was the harness, he decided. The harness, and the short moment he’d spent thinking about what it had been like to be an actor himself. No use getting all sentimental now. Back to the real world. He had a couple of cats. He had a job. He had Poe. “Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

With a low chuckle, Finn approached him and held out another thick volume for him to take a look at. “I noticed,” he said still grinning. “Go on, I know you’ll like it.”

“Finn, I already have about a dozen unread books and-“

“And you come here on your weekly shopping spree anyway to buy at least one more.” Finn shook his head and withdrew the book. A black cover. Nothing too revealing. Armitage didn’t even get the chance to take a closer look at the title. “So, I’m just gonna put this back then.”

Armitage let out a derisive grunt and stretched out his hand. “Give it here,” he said scowling and ignoring the subsequent laugh as Finn placed the book in Armitage’s hand. And Armitage’s heart nearly stopped when he looked at the author’s name. “No way!” he breathed. eyes burning already. “When did she-“

“Yesterday.” Finn nodded. “She brought a whole stack yesterday, though it won’t start selling officially until tomorrow. I just figured… you know…you being her biggest fan in town and all.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?!”

“She wanted it to be a surprise, I suppose.” Finn shrugged, then he reached out and flipped open the cover to reveal the handwritten dedication below the printed one aimed at the love of the author’s life.

_To Armitage, my favourite reader._

_Rey_

“She didn’t even tell me she was close to finishing this when I asked her last week!” Armitage said, eyes wide as he stared at the neat, curly writing. “I-“ He didn’t have words, but he knew he’d have to find them when he got home. He’d have to write to her. Send her a message and let her know he’d received the book. “Silly girl…” he muttered, his lips spreading into a grin. “She could’ve given it to me every day at school.” It wasn’t as though he was in the Teacher’s Lounge often, but Rey could have searched him out about a dozen times.

“I guess she doesn’t want people to know she actually wrote this,” Finn mused, both hands on his hips.

With a scoff Armitage looked at the cover again. This one looked so different from the first part of the series. It was so much darker, but the font was the same. He couldn’t wait to start reading and hear the students murmuring when they thought he wasn’t listening. This whole thing had rather blown up these past few months, with even hitherto unknown bookworms walked around with their noses buried in this book. It was almost like that Harry Potter phase so many people had gone through a few years back. “Have you started yet?”

“I’m only ten pages in,” Finn said, looking over his shoulder at the register, where an elderly woman was already waiting for him with a stack of thin books. “Take your time, alright?”

“Sure.” Armitage nodded and put Rey’s new book on top of the collection of Stoppard’s plays. He might as well get it too. He’d started collecting ties to this place a year ago. He might as well admit it openly.

If anything positive that hadn’t been said about this place yet, it was that the view from the kitchen window was infinitely more appealing than the view from his old apartment. If anyone asked, he'd give that as a reason as to why he had decided to move in here with Poe. Into the old barn next to his father’s house. Why he had allowed Poe to take out a loan for this massive project after they had only been together for half a year.

The view out the kitchen window. Yes. Perfect reason. And of course the two small rooms next to the bedroom upstairs, which they’d use as home offices. 

View out the kitchen window.

Individual workspaces.

That made sense, didn’t it? The thing was, though, he doubted anyone would believe him. Just saying these things I his head made him cringe inwardly.

But then again, why would anyone question it? They were two grown men. Why the heck shouldn’t they live together on a farm in the middle of nowhere?

Armitage had never done this before. Not once in his life had he moved in with someone he was involved with. Not once. He hadn’t even considered it, but somehow, with Poe, things moved ahead so organically. It was the right thing to do at the right time.

Yes, that was it. It felt right. Even if it meant massive debt on Poe’s part. The only thing left standing from the old barn were the wooden structures of beams inside. Since neither one of them had the time or the knowledge of building a house from the ground up, they had employed handymen to rebuilt the walls, insulate them properly, install a ceiling and then another one and build up inner walls. This place barely looked like the barn which Poe had shown him a few months after they started going out. His face had been lit with enthusiasm, his voice loud and clear as he laid out his ideas.

At first, Armitage didn’t trust himself. He was always waiting for it. For the revultion. The terror at the prospect of living here. But it never came. What Poe was suggesting felt alright. More than that, in fact. There wasn’t even resentment for dragging him into this. It was a good idea. Even if it meant being this much closer to Kes, who still didn’t quite trust Armitage. Well… things had improved somewhat. At the very least Kes hadn’t openly objected to Poe’s suggestion, and last Sunday he had even made Armitage a cup of tea without Armitage needing to refuse the coffee Kes had made. It was something. And Armitage was glad to resign himself to baby steps.

Scratching his chin, Armitage moved through the assortment of rooms they already had down here. There were only a few, since most of it were open space, and the few rooms they had down here were only born out of necessity. He walked past the whole in the ceiling where their staircase would go one day, and where nothing but a rusty ladder served as a path to the rooms upstairs. Armitage passed it by without even needing to think about going up there. He’d trust Poe and Kes on checking things were alright up there. There simply was not enough money in all the world to make him climb that rickety thing again. Once had been enough. And it had taken Poe a full half hour to coax him into coming back down again.

Clearly, the open floor plan was ideal. They had so much space here, Armitage couldn’t even begin to think about what they’d put in here. His eyes drifted over to the large windows looking out into the fields where Kes kept his artificially irrigated crops. This place was a fleck of green next to another fleck of green belonging to Kes’ neighbour. These people here had truly found a way to carve a living out of this barren looking land. When he had first arrived here, he didn’t even know there was any sort of agriculture here if you didn’t count cattle, or that growing vegetables here was even possible. He should have known better.

On his way out, Armitage nearly tripped over a hammer one of the handymen must have left lying around. He could have really done with that… breaking his neck now would have been an excellent ending to this day, wouldn’t it? Grudgingly, he picked up the hammer and set it down on the wooden table which the carpenters used as a workbench.

His piano would sit here one day, he thought, putting his hands on his hips and moving away from the wall. Close to the massive windows. Poe had insisted on it. Just like he had insisted on having big windows overlooking the fields upstairs in their small offices and in the smaller bedroom which would be their guest room..

A house… they were really doing this. Moving into a house. His heart skipped another beat at the thought. Things were going so fast, and he found he didn’t much mind. Not even when he thought about the massive amounts of debt Poe was throwing himself into. Somehow they would manage, wouldn’t they? His throat constricted slightly at the thought. Well, there it was. That same indecipherable twinge he had felt at the bookshop. Books… he was hoarding books. He was preparing to live here. With Poe. And the cats. And Beebee. With his piano, a small office, and those books.

In about a month this place would have to be ready… a month… somehow Armitage doubted the deadline would be met, no matter how fervently Rose’s father had promised them it would be. Well, they might have to live with Kes for a while then, because Poe’s lease was up and they had given up Armitage’s place the moment they had decided to start on this endeavour.

Armitage passed one hand over his face and shrugged off the strange sensation. He should be glad things were going their way. He really should be.

And he was.

He ruddy well was. He had everything he could ask for. In fact, he had more than he had ever asked for. But knowing that, and believing it were two very different things.

He locked the door behind him, wondering when the burning sun had stopped bothering him, or when he’d learned to let the door of his car stand open for a couple of seconds before getting into this cage of metal.

He took his phone from his pocket and looked at the screen. Poe was still in school. Being Principal was no small task, especially not when you refused to give up on the soccer team despite your duties. Armitage typed a quick message, telling Poe everything looked okay at the house and that he would be heading home next to start on the lasagna. Better for him to start cooking before Poe got it into his head. His last attempt at the pasta dish had been edible, but little more than that.

Smiling to himself, Armitage let out a long breath, forcing the tension in his shoulders to leave him. Millie was waiting for him. Chandler was waiting for him. Beebee desperately needed his walk. It was time to go home and leave those pangs of guilt and those twinges of looming indecision behind. At least for tonight.

He started the car and pulled into the driveway heading towards the main road. Turning on the radio, he reminded himself that it was only a week until Christmas and he started going over the list of things he still needed to prepare and buy and the items they still needed for their house. Over the dates and numbers.

Because concentrating on that was far better than staring after the truck with the First Order logo imprinted on it as it was heading for the wharf. 


	2. Chapter 2

His eyes were starting to droop. Everything was wrapped up. There really wasn’t anything left to do about the Christmas Fair. All the money had been counted, all the bills paid and what was left was more than just a small chunk of money left at their disposal. It would help finance the prom at least.

But it still didn’t solve the issue with the gym.

A few months ago, it had to be closed. No big surprise there, but Poe still felt the blow. They had tried so hard making this work, but sometimes you just had to give in. Either to a fifty year-old building and suspend every single indoor PE class for the rest of eternity, or to the company trying to influence this place… Poe would rather give in to the building, but right now he had to admit it might be easier to do the other thing.

Distracting himself with the aftermath of the Christmas Fair wouldn’t work forever. He knew he would have to deal with the parents’ emails sooner rather than later. And they were right, weren’t they? Their kids had every right to be given PE lessons without fear of sunburn or heat stroke.

Poe leaned back I his chair and folded his hands behind his head. What excuse did he have to refuse the money First Order was offering? What excuse could possibly convince the parents that it was the right thing to do? His stomach twisted into a painful knot. He knew full well he himself wouldn’t stand for it if it impacted his own kid’s life.

His hand hovered over the keyboard as he considered his options, wondering whether they were options at all. They weren’t.

With a low groan, he closed his email program and turned off his computer. It was high time he got home, and the email could be put off for another day at least. Armitage was already waiting for him, considering he had sent that text an hour ago. He would have to sleep on it, maybe even talk it out with Armitage who was bound to hate this more than Poe already did.

On his way out, he snuck a final peek into the Teacher’s Lounge, where the janitor was scrubbing the floor. “See you ‘round, Matt!” he said, waving his hand.

Matt looked up briefly, his shoulder length black hair, flying around his face as he did so. “Sure. See you then.” He didn’t look particularly happy, but then again, he rarely ever did. If anything, he looked mostly pleased with himself as he complained about the students and the messes they made. Boy, Poe was glad he didn’t need to talk to Matt that often. Mostly their interactions were very limited and getting Matt to agree helping them clean up after the Christmas Fair had been quite a chore.

He waved at him one last time, then headed out into the parking lot, where his car was the only one left. He remembered that, back in the day, Leia had always been last to leave the school. Well, now it was him, if you didn’t count Matt.

Taking out his phone, he typed up a message letting Armitage know he would be there in about an hour. There was no way Armitage would be happy about it, but there it was. He’d have to take a short detour first and Poe had no idea how to lie to Armitage about what he was doing. So… pretending to be at work for another hour wasn’t the worst of ideas. He hoped so anyway.

His palms were sweaty, his heart racing when he left the shop, slipping the small case into his back pocket as he went. The sweat on his skin had nothing to do with the usual heat, but he’d be able to tell Armitage that it was. He was no fan of lying to him, but what was the alternative? He couldn’t very well say out loud that he had just been shopping for an engagement ring the very day he would start seriously thinking about allowing First Order money to boost the school’s finances. The one would make Armitage speechless, the other furious. The thing was, Poe was not entirely sure which reaction would precede the other.

Poe jumped into his car, ignoring the searing heat filling his lungs now. He quickly turned on the engine and the AC came on along with it. Within a few seconds this car would be cool enough. Closing his eyes, he leaned back a moment. How was he supposed to start this? Should he rush in there? Push Armitage against the kitchen counter, kiss him, lead him to the bedroom and just… propose?

No… No, that felt all wrong. Too rash. Too heated. Not at all what Armitage deserved.

Should he fall to his knees the moment he came through the door? Judging by Armitage’s reaction, he could always play it off as a joke then and pretend to be greeting Beebee first and foremost.

It wasn’t as though they weren’t serious. Surely this was in the cards? Swallowing hard, he looked one last time at the jewellery store and passed a hand over his face. If the opportunity didn’t show itself, he could just as well store the ring somewhere. If push came to shove, the top drawer in his desk at school would to just fine.

His stomach twisted painfully. He was sure this was a good thing. He wanted this… but could he be sure about Armitage? This whole thing with _no promises_ had hung over them for a while… but their lives had changed. They had already fused into one. And what did he have to lose?

_That’s the spirit, Dameron, you idiot._

With a scoff, he turned on the radio and started pulling out of his parking spot. He barely listened to what the radio presenter was talking about. Armitage was already waiting for him. What did he care about a small stockpile of drugs that had been found in a town a hundred miles south of here? Far more important was whether today was the right time for asking Armitage. No. He had to stop wondering and guessing.

He’d do it. He’d ask Armitage to marry him.

There was the usual red light. Never, not once in all his life, had he arrived at this crossing to find the light bright green. With a low grunt he stopped the car and let his eyes wander over the buildings by the side of the road. They looked a lot cleaner than they had last year. He had to admit that. There were more people in the streets too, and Finn’s bookshop even sported a new sign above the door. Clearly, First Order had brought both money and jobs to this town.

Frowning, Poe watched the light turn from red, to yellow to green and finally he was on the move again. As Principal, Poe did not owe Armitage an explanation about anything concerning the budget. Not really. As his boyfriend and partner, he was obligated to at least inform him before he made the official decision. He knew that. But he wasn’t looking forward to that conversation at all.

After about a mile he turned left into their street and from there it was only a couple of minutes more until he was parked in front of the tiny house he had rented the day he’d gotten the job as Vice Principal. Beebee had arrived in his life only a few weeks later and Poe knew he had made the right decision. But now the small house was already feeling a bit crowded. No big surprise there. They both had to work from home every once in a while and only one small office wasn’t enough for the two of them.

Poe remained seated in his car for a full minute, looking at the small house. The thing with the office was an excuse. He knew that. He wanted to have something of his own. Something he could share with Armitage. Something they could both call home. Being near his father was just an additional bonus and he hoped Armitage could get used to that too. Well, at least he hadn’t protested. That was something…

He watched the window of the living room and knew Armitage was somewhere beyond it, probably laying the table or cleaning the kitchen. Poe was not a messy person per se, but next to Armitage he felt like the messiest man in the world. And yet, somehow, Armitage didn’t resent him for leaving his shoes under the coffee table or for not clearing away the dishes right after dinner. Somehow Armitage didn’t hate him for it, and wasn’t that a small miracle?

Smiling he watched Millie hop on the windowsill. She didn’t even look around, just stared at him directly as though she had known for a while he was there, staring at the house. Maybe he should just do it. Why make a big deal out of this, when he was certain he wanted this? When he was sure Armitage wanted it too?

Millie meowed, her sharp white teeth clearly on display and Poe quickly got out of the car before she could alert Armitage to him sitting in the car, clearly hesitating to get in. He heard a soft thud and felt his pocket. The ring… the small box with he ring.

Heart thumping wildly, he knelt to pick it up, then almost jumped to his feet before starting to head for the front door. Up the narrow set of stairs. He didn’t leave himself time to breathe, just closed his fist around the box and pushed open the door.

Beebee was already waiting for him, wagging his tail, barking loudly and throwing himself on his back to display his belly. “Hey, buddy, sorry I was gone so long,” he laughed, kneeling down to fulfil his dog’s dearest wish and pocketing the small box before it fell out of his hand again and to land on the linoleum flooring.

Poe’s gaze drifted over the narrow staircase leading up to the small bedroom and then to his left towards the living room where Armitage was standing, fist pressed to his lips, eyes only briefly meeting Poe’s before they turned back to the corner where their TV was. The soft murmuring of the reporter was rumbling in the background, but the way Armitage was staring at the screen was downright scary. His hair was falling gently into his face, the way it did most days nowadays, whenever he didn’t feel he had to make a particularly good impression. It made his face look softer, less severe, but it did little to soften it now. “What’s wrong?”

Armitage shook his head. He took his hand from his lips and reached for the remote to turn up the volume. Poe hardly needed another invitation to abandon Beebee and join Armitage as the sonorous voice filled the room. The familiar face of the local News Anchor appeared on the screen as the scene switched from Anchorhead’s harbour back to the studio. Clearly not a good sign. Normally the news mostly centred around Toshe, the next biggest town. Anchorhead was almost never the centre of attention. Clean-shaven with that perfect little haircut of his, the reporter stared unblinkingly at his invisible audience. “Thank you, Sergeant Michaels for the interview,” he said, his serious eyes still trained directly on the camera. Poe slipped the box into his back pocket and wrapped his arm around Armitage’s waist. “The search is still ongoing for the killers of the three men who were found near the wharf in Anchorhead this afternoon. There will be further investigations, of course and we will keep you up to date.” With a low grunt, Armitage turned off the TV again and shook his head.

“Three killings?” Poe asked with a raised eyebrow, his mind immediately reeling as he tried to figure out who of the kids at school had parents working there and who he knew personally, but within the fraction of a second the list was too long already. His mouth was dry as he turned to Armitage. “Did they say who?”

Shaking his head, Armitage leaned in and pressed his lips to Poe’s cheeks. Warm and soft as they always were and Poe managed a smile when Armitage shifted to stand right in front of him, their stomachs pressed tightly together. Armitage’s forehead touched his. “How bad was it today?” he asked, his hand moving up his back.

Poe groaned and took Armitage’s hands into his, because he knew that one of them would move to his back pocket and feel the small box covered in black velvet. He quickly raised Armitage’s hands to his lips and kissed his knuckles. He needed to hide this thing straight away. “Not too bad,” he said. “I’m sorry I left you to deal with dinner alone.”

Armitage laughed softly and shook his head, his hair bobbing slightly with his movement. Poe loved it that way. Loved the careless ease with his it hung into his forehead. “You make decent pasta, but mine is better, Dameron.”

“You are not wrong, Hugs.” Poe said and he watched Armitage’s eyes flicker to the now black television screen. “What’s up?”

Armitage shrugged. His fingers, still held tightly by Poe’s, felt cool. “I just have a bad feeling about this. I mean-“

“Don’t,” Poe interjected, cupping Armitage’s cheeks and forcing him to return his gaze. “First Order is a crappy company, we know that. Everybody knows that. But this could be anything. And even if it’s not nothing, it’s not our job to put this right, okay.”

Armitage’s eyes widened for a moment and Poe watched as disbelief and tentative relief mingled with about a billion doubts washed over him.

“Hugs…”

“No… no, you’re right.” Armitage sighed and closed his eyes, though the tension was still prominent in his shoulders. “You’re right… it’s none of our business.” He took a deep breath and let his hands slide down Poe’s arms, along his sides, strong and sure, before they settled on his hips. Armitage’s fingertips were only millimetres away from the little box now.

“Let’s eat? It smells wonderful.”

Armitage’s eyes gleamed for a moment at the praise, the way they always did when Poe said something nice about him or about something he’d done, but he wouldn’t smile. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry... someone had to finally say they have a bade feeling about something. It was high time, wasn't it?
> 
> So... thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning at the end of this chapter.

“Armitage what are you thinking about?” Poe asked. He was lying next to Armitage, propped up on his elbow, eyes trained on him. Beebee was lying at his feet, Millie curled up in Armitage’s lap and Chandler was somewhere under the covers. It was a pretty standard scene for them, not rehearsed but something they were used to. Something they had grown into after a frightfully short time.

Armitage frowned at the cover of the book he’d been dying to read from the moment when Finn first put it into his hands. He wanted to know what happened next. He was dying to find out, but the news of this afternoon had made all that excitement evaporate. There was this feeling that he couldn’t ignore, nestled deep in the pit of his stomach. “I-“ he began and broke off again. Something moved by his leg. Furry and warm. Chandler on his way to come up for air.

“It’s this stuff at the wharf, huh?” Poe didn’t even need to ask. He knew. He must know. But he asked anyway. Just to give Armitage a queue in case he needed one.

With a low grunt, Armitage put the book on the nightstand and slid down the headrest until he was fully stretched out on the wonderfully firm mattress. Millie moved along with him, stretched and settled down on the left side of his pillow, her orange fur resting against his cheek.

“I mean, it’s terrible, but stuff happens. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“The very fact that you feel the need to say it, shows you don’t believe it yourself.”

Poe sighed exasperatedly. “Come on. Stop this.”

“Stop what?” he hissed. “Being realistic?”

“Being pessimistic more like.”

“Three people are dead, Poe.”

“Yes, I know. And it’s terrible, but didn’t we agree that there’s nothing we can do about it?”

Armitage let out a long breath through his nose, closing his eyes at the same time in an effort to calm himself. “Has _anything_ like this _ever_ happened in this place in your lifetime _?_ ” He didn’t really need to hear the answer. He knew it already.

Several seconds ticked by in silence, which was finally broken when Poe turned on his back with a muttered “No.” Poe threw his arm over his forehead and took a deep breath before he turned to look at Armitage again. “You think First Order is killing off people who work for them?” He thought it was ridiculous, but not completely out of the realm of possibilities. Armitage heard it in the tense undertone of the question.

“I’m not thinking anything, I just-“ Unceremoniously Armitage got out of bed again. “This whole thing just reeks, okay?”

Poe frowned at him and Armitage quickly turned his back on him.

“I’m gonna get some water.” Shaking his head, he left the bedroom and closed the bathroom door behind him. There was next no corridor between these two rooms, in fact there was barely a corridor to speak of in this small house, but right now he wished there was more room between him and Poe.

Turning on the tap, he also wished he knew more. Anything. Anything to make him stop wondering if his father did indeed have anything to do with this. The thing was, nobody had ever officially accused Brendol Hux of anything of the sort, and Armitage himself didn’t have what you’d call solid proof. He’d only ever heard snippets, which were hardly more than gossip. About Brendol dealing with some people who were making trouble. About Brendol clearing the way for First Order. Whatever that meant. Somehow he doubted his father would let get himself caught like this. He was far too clever and well-connected.

He splashed his face with the icy water, trying to calm down.

Even if it was Brendol. Even if it was First Order and whatever devious things they were involved with, what was it to him? Wasn’t Poe right?

The towel smelled wonderfully clean as he pressed it to his face. First Order was none of his business, he reminded himself as he dropped the towel and looked at himself in the mirror. Neither First Order, nor Ben Solo nor Brendol Hux could ever be associated with him. He had nothing to do with either one of them. Since the funeral he hadn’t seen Brendol again, or talked to Ben. There was even less similarity between himself and his father anymore. His hair was longer now, the look in his eyes less severe.

Poe had done that to him. Poe and this place and everything that had come with it. For a year now he hadn’t felt haunted by what had happened in London and in that massive place his father had raised him in. The scars were still there, the sweet pain he felt whenever he heard a damn show tune would probably never go away, but Poe and this school and the people he had met here had driven the fear of those things away… until now.

He brushed his hand through his hair, pulling it back to remind himself of the man who had come here over a year ago. There they were. The sharp edges to his face. The fear blooming behind his eyes. With a sigh, he ruffled his hand through his hair again and he looked around the small windowless bathroom. Poe’s clothes were hanging over the bathtub, the shirt lying neatly over the jeans. He wouldn’t wear the shirt again the next day, but at least he’d made the effort. Armitage picked up both and threw the shirt into the hamper. The jeans would only be a nuisance the next morning when they’d had to put it somewhere else, so he rolled it up neatly. He could at least put it on the chair in the bedroom, he thought, as he moved over to the door, patting it down as he opened it. “You know, Poe, I guess-“ Something had fallen out of the jeans. He heard the soft thud as it hit the carpet and before Armitage looked down, he saw Poe sitting up straight in bed, his eyes wide in shock.

“Sorry,” Armitage muttered, kneeling down to pick it up. He froze when his eyes fell on the small black box between his naked feet.

“Oh shit!” He heard Beebee yawning loudly in protest as Poe threw the duvet over him and scramble out of bed. “Armitage, I’m sorry.” 

“What for?” Armitage laughed nervously, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. He tried to shut up the incoherent thoughts rushing through his mind. Only the occasional word popped up in his head and even they passed by so quickly they slipped past him before he could grasp their meaning.

Poe was kneeling in front of him, his warm, dark eyes searching his as his hands snatched the box from the carpet. “I’m really bad at hiding things.”

“I remember.” The words slipped past Armitage’s lips, as Poe’s face the night before Christmas morning popped into his head. He’d forgotten to hide the about twenty or so presents he’d gotten and made for Armitage and Armitage had found them, miraculously only a few hours beforehand.

A smile tugged at Poe’s lips. “Sorry.”

“What for?” Armitage repeated, Poe’s jeans still laying over his arms as he was sitting on the floor of their bedroom.

“I wanted to… I don’t know… do this right? This is a really bad time.” He held the box in his clutched fist against his chest and let out a long breath. “Listen, I know we’ve only been together for a year.”

Poe wasn’t going to do this.

“But… I don’t know, everything’s going alright.”

Oh God, he was.

“Well, apart from tonight, because I wanted to wait for the right moment. But… well.” He cleared his throat, then he looked down at the box and popped it open. “I’m not good with words… and-“

“Poe, would you please stop apologizing?” Armitage hated the way he snapped at him, but at least Poe stopped babbling. There was even another flicker of a smile on his lips. A smile which easily managed to make his heart flutter precariously in his chest.

“Right.” Poe laughed, then turned the box and offered its contents to Armitage. “Make an honest man out of me, Hugs?”

Armitage stared at the ring as it stood bright silver against the black velvet lining. Simple, brushed and gleaming metal inlaid with a strip of black. Simple and elegant. His mouth was dry. He barely managed to get out more than a croaking sound and he closed his lips, forcing himself to swallow and look up at those dark eyes filled with longing and hope and fear.

Poe was only wearing an ancient grey, faded T-shirt, but Armitage wondered if he’d ever been more handsome than he was now. The desperation, so clearly visible on his face, made his palms go slick with sweat.

Why was he hesitating? Why was he unable to speak, when speech came easily to him whenever it was necessary?

The hand with the ring dropped the fraction of an inch at the same time as the smile faltered. “I-“

“Poe.” Armitage began, stretching out his hand to grab him by the collar and pulling him close. “Why the fucking hell would I say no?” In all his life he would never have believed it possible that someone, especially someone as good as Poe would ever deem him worth his time and effort. But somehow he did. Somehow, this miraculous human being had fallen for him, had broken down most of his walls with such careless ease…

“I-“ Poe began again and the box fell to the floor again with another thud, as Armitage pressed his lips to Poe’s, pressing up against him and pushing Poe backwards until he was sprawled out beneath him. He was kissing him back, his hips immediately bucking against Armitage’s as he pushed up against Poe’s pelvis.

Poe let out a breathy moan, the hot air hitting Armitage’s lips, before Armitage dived back, silencing Poe with another kiss as his fingers slid under the waistband of Poe’s boxers. He dug his other hand into Poe’s hair, tugging lightly at the curls and revelling in the feel of Poe melting in his arms.

“I’d much rather do this on the bed,” Poe muttered.

“Occupied by our kids, Dameron.”

The soft chuckle made Armitage stop for a moment, his lips hovering just above Poe’s pulse point. “So… so I guess that’s a yes?”

With a low grunt, Armitage sat up to look down at Poe.

Was one year enough?

Was one year enough to be sure this was a good idea?

Yes, he decided. It was.

Why was he even worried about that? Hadn’t he willingly agreed to build a house with this man? Hadn’t he already decided to accept everything Poe was willing to give him?

“Poe…” He passed his hands over his cheeks, never breaking eye contact with Poe. He watched as the eyes filled with sorrow at his slow answer. Watched as Poe sat up and wrapped his arms and legs about him. Clinging onto him as though for dear life.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say yes. It’s fine.”

But he knew it wouldn’t be fine. Saying no now, for whatever reason, would destroy Poe. It would destroy them. Waiting even a second longer would make it so.

He moved his hands up Poe’s torso, rolling Poe’s nipples gently between his fingers, through the threadbare fabric of the shirt, before he cupped Poe’s cheek, relishing in the warmth of his skin and the gently scratching of the black stubble against his fingertips. “Of course I was always going to say yes, you idiot.” Armitage shook his head and pulled Poe into another kiss, his breath hitching just before their lips met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief mention of past childhood abuse. Also mention of Ben Solo in the short paragraph in which Armitage wipes his face with that clean towel.
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter was so short. But I wanted to save the steamy stuff for later. What are your thoughts?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot going on here, but I don't think I need to put any warning in this one.

Poe was gorgeous. He had to be the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. Especially in these moments when he was writing beneath him, is lips desperate for Armitage’s kiss as he echoed his thrusts. His hands were everywhere, his breath hot on Armitage’s sweaty skin and he came with a moan so loud it shook Armitage to his core and drove him over the edge instantly.

One last time, he pushed as far into Poe as he could, relishing in the sensation of release and of Poe’s breath on his tongue as their lips were only inches apart. Poe was still quivering beneath him, his legs wrapped tightly around Armitage’s hips. The angle was not perfect this way, but nothing, nothing in the world could replace this. This immediate proximity of their lips.

Poe took a deep breath and closed his eyes blissfully as Armitage brushed his hand through those sleek, sweaty curls of his. Armitage couldn’t remember ever having felt this fulfilled holding someone or ever having been held like this in return. Nobody had ever felt like a part of him he hadn’t known he’d missed.

Poe opening his eyes and staring at him now, sent that familiar thrill down his spine. There was so much warmth there, almost too much to bear. That look made his chest ache with longing for more. To be even closer to him now.

He carefully slipped out of him and Poe’s legs released him reluctantly before Armitage curled around him, his ear resting against his heart, their limbs thoroughly entangled. “I love you,” he breathed against Poe’s chest, his voice so small he himself could barely hear it as he was listening to the drumming beat of Poe’s heart.

“I know.” Poe laughed. There was no mockery in his tone. No judgement. Poe pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. “You magnificent human being.” Armitage heard the smile in his voice and closed his eyes. He didn’t care that they were still lying on the carpet, their clothes scattered around them while the cats and the dog were probably occupying the entirety of the bed.

Beneath him, Poe shifted and stretched out his arm to reach for something. Armitage propped up his chin on Poe’s chest and he watched as Poe flipped open the velvet box and took out the ring. “You don’t have one,” Armitage said with a raised eyebrow and Poe grunted.

“I wasn’t gonna buy two. What if you said no?”

“Do you seriously think that was even in the realm of possibility?”

Poe let his head fall back against the carpet and looked at the ring as he held it up against the light. “I’m always nervous when it comes to big decisions… and you.” There was a smirk tugging at his lips now. “But I’m also a bit of a daredevil, so I do it things anyway.” He started sitting up and Armitage went along with it. “Come on, gimme your hand.”

Armitage’s fingers were trembling as he stretched them out to Poe, who gently took them in both of his, his left beneath Armitage’s left, the right middle finger sliding over the skin on top as his thumb and index were holding the ring. “I love your hands. Very delicate but… also very versed.”

A nervous laugh was all the response Armitage was capable of as Poe pushed the ring over Armitage’s ring finger. The unfamiliar weight settled easily on his skin and Armitage couldn’t help but stare when Poe lifted the hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles.

With a fluttering heart Armitage captured Poe’s mouth in a kiss, so gentle it could barely be called a touch. “Nice way of saying I’m good at making love.”

“ _Making love_ ,” Poe mused, smiling a bit wider now. “Quite different from what you said the first time… I remember you using the F-word then.”

“I’ve grown up.”

Poe chuckled and brushed the hair out of his forehead. “Let’s go to dinner tomorrow night, okay? Celebrate a bit?”

“Of course,” Armitage nodded, though he could barely think of a better way to celebrate their promise than by what they had just done. But it would be nice to get out again. To not have to cook and be somewhere with Poe that wasn’t their home or school. “Let me get you a ring too?” He smiled deliberately, making Poe grin in return.

“Sure.” Poe nodded, but as he weaved his fingers through Armitage’s, he dropped his gaze to his throat. “Listen… I originally wanted to talk with you about something else… and now I feel really manipulative bringing it up.”

“Manipulate away.”

“You’re gonna hate it.”

Armitage’s stomach tightened. He had a feeling where this was going, and that feeling, the beginning of it alone was enough to wipe the smile off his face. “What?” he prompted, the last consonant falling like a knife stroke between them.

“There’s no way we’re gonna be able to keep First Order money from getting into the school,” Poe said quickly, raising his head again to hold Armitage’s gaze. As usual Armitage wasn’t able to turn away. Not when Poe was looking at him like this. “The parents are urging me to start renovating the gym and the Physics Lab. And they’re right and-“

Armitage quickly shook his head and freed his hand to wipe it over his face. He’d known this day would come. Why the heck had he even tried to pretend it wouldn’t.

“Armitage…”

“No.” The word was barely more than a whisper. Feeble and toneless as he did his best to suppress his anger. It had no place here. This wasn’t Poe’s fault, he told himself. Not. Poe’s. Fault.

He should be glad Poe was telling him.

A certain other person he didn’t want to think about right now wouldn’t have.

Swallowing hard, Armitage came to his feet and moved over to the bed, where all three pets were curled up on the pillows. Armitage rubbed his chin, the metal of the ring scraping against his skin. “They’re gonna influence how you run the place.”

“I know,” Poe conceded and Armitage heard him come to his feet behind him. “But they’re gonna start influencing everything around here soon enough… so many people work for them and… well… you know…”

Armitage nodded. Yes, he did know. He felt Poe’s presence looming behind him and leaned into him, closing his eyes when he felt Poe’s nose pressed up against his shoulder and Poe’s arms wrap themselves around his torso.

“I hate this,” Poe whispered, the fricatives and plosives hitting Armitage’s skin like sharp bullets. “I hate that they’re here.” He didn’t need to add that he hated it mostly because of Armitage. Because it reminded him of things he’d rather forget.

A year ago, Armitage would have pushed back. He wouldn’t have allowed those sentiments near him, terrified of what they might do to him. Of how he would look in front of Poe. But things were different now… so very different. Instead of pushing Poe away, he put his hands on the arms wrapped around him and leaned into the comforting touch. Accepting it, more for Poe’s sake than for his own. “It’ll work out,” he said, determined to reassure Poe. If his father, or even Ben decided to destroy them, there was little either of them could do. “Let’s go to sleep, Principal Dameron.”

“Sure, Hugs…”

On his way to school, Armitage kept staring at the ring. Every single time his eyes got caught on the bright silver against the black of the steering wheel, he felt his stomach attempt yet another somersault. He was tired. Dead on his feet, and at the same time he couldn’t think of a day when he’d been more exhilarated. He kept looking into the rear-view mirror to where Poe was driving behind him, yawning and the plastic coffee cup almost constantly at his lips.

He almost wished they were driving together, but it made no sense. Not when Poe would need to spend so long in school and Armitage had to get home to the animals. They would have the rest of their lives to spend time together, Armitage reminded himself.

The rest of their lives.

He almost expected to feel a jolt of panic at that, but all that thought did was make him grin into the mirror.

They parked next to each other and while Poe was going through his bag to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything, Armitage was already waiting by his door. They were late. Or rather, they were late for their own standards, a little early morning sex had clearly been the cause of that, but for once Armitage didn’t give a damn. He didn’t even particularly mind the students still gathered in the parking lot and throwing him occasional glances as he was leaning against Poe’s car. “You know”, he said, when the door finally swung open and Poe got out, “even if you _did_ forget something vital at home, you’d never drive back just to get it.”

“No,” Poe said with a grin and slammed the door shut. “I’d order you to get your ass home and get it for me.” His arm was around Armitage’s waist before Armitage even realized what was happening, and the protest died in his throat when Poe’s lips landed squarely on his, his hand cupping Armitage’s cheek. In the far distance, someone wolf-whistled, but Poe didn’t give a damn, just pushed Armitage against the car in a kiss that quickly blew everything else out of his mind. Where they were. Who might be watching them. Even the day of the week. When Poe finally let go and they came up for air, Poe was grinning like the insane person he was.

“Sorry,” he laughed, reaching for Armitage’s left hand and squeezing it tight. “Just want everybody to know they’re gonna have to call me Mr Hugs in future.”

Heart still pumping wildly, Armitage shook his head. “Make it a double name if anything.” What the heck… His face was hot, his eyes burning. Surely this would be the main topic of gossip in each and every classroom today. They hadn’t exactly kept their relationship a secret, but people knowing about it and letting students see it were two very different things.

“You’re angry.”

“No.” Armitage picked up his bag. When had he let it fall to the ground? “No, just surprised.” He took a deep breath and forced himself to let his eyes wander over the students assembled in front of them. Nobody was staring anymore. “Idiot…” he smiled.

Poe laughed and started pulling him towards the entrance. “Not gonna argue with that, Hugs.”

The first day on the job, Armitage would have said teaching Physics was going to be easier than teaching Music, and damn it, he’d been downright depressed when he learned that he would spend most lessons in the Music Room.

It hadn’t taken him long to re-evaluate that stance. Teaching Music was harder, but once he learned to leave the stage in the back of his head, he stopped resenting Music class. Most students had even caught on that Music was not going to be a soft option for them. That they would have to work hard if they wanted to pass his class. If he’d learned one thing, it was that he was not going to let these kids leave his class without at least having grasped the basics of musical theory. 

So far it had worked out okay.

Where he had first dreaded teaching Music and encouraging these kids to be creative, he now had to face a different problem. They loved doing experiments. What they hated, again, was the theoretical work. Or paying attention to the safety rules he had reminded them of at the beginning of the school year. The things they really needed to learn in order to work safely here. And right now, he was already facing the worst possible thing a student could possibly to in a lab. He was being unsafe.

Armitage hadn’t seen the water bottle. He hadn’t seen Jacen drinking from it, because he was helping Mark setting up the small circuit board, but he heard the loud shouts as someone pushed Jacen. His head snapped around as the water spilled onto the tiled table and some idiot reached for the circuit board which another buffoon had plugged in before Armitage had given his okay. “Stop!” Armitage hollered and the entire class fell silent. There was a spark, then a loud cracking sound and the lights overhead and the projector on the ceiling went out.

“Don’t touch anything!” Armitage shouted, his heart pounding as he moved over to the four boys standing rooted to the spot around the table with the water puddle and the circuit board which was now nothing but a smouldering mess. “Is anybody hurt?” he asked, staring down one after the other, but every single one dropped their gaze. Quickest to do so was Jacen.

“Your water bottle?”

“Yeah, but-“

“No drinking in the lab. Did you NOT listen to me?!” Armitage shouted, his voice booming so loudly through the classroom he was taken aback himself. “Pack up your things,” he hissed, eyes wide, staring unblinkingly at the blond shock of hair as the boy stared at his shoes.

“I-“

“Not a single word out of you,” Armitage whispered, before turning around to the rest of the class. “Everybody else, start packing up and-“ He caught movement by the door and saw Rey standing in the doorway, her eyes wide as she stared at him. “Would you please oversee the kids packing up? This lesson is over.”

She nodded and hurried inside the classroom.

Jacen still hadn’t moved. He was trembling and there were tears in his eyes. Tears Armitage couldn’t deal with right now. This boy had endangered not only himself, but his classmates as well.

“I said,” Armitage whispered. “Pack your things.”

There was a low sniffle and one of the other boys bent over to pick up Jacen’s bag. “We didn’t tell him not to,” the dark-haired boy said quietly, but Armitage ignored him. He’d deal with that later. He merely watched, arms folded over his chest as Jacen exchanged a glance with his friend and felt the fury built up in his chest when he saw the impertinent grin on his face. His hand balled into a fist, he turned on his heel and went over to the door before he did something stupid. “With me.” He kept his eyes trained on Jace, his body trembling with rage, before he spat “Now!”

He sensed everybody staring at him, knew Rey must be shocked by him shouting like this and he could almost feel the colour rise to his face, but nobody said a word as Jacen made his way towards him and went out the door before him. Only then did Armitage dare throw a look at Rey. She was pale, but she was standing by the teacher’s desk, frowning at him, but she nodded curtly and when Armitage followed Jacen outside, he heard her tell the kids to start cleaning up.

Jacen still wasn’t looking at him, but as Armitage pointed him in the right direction, he watched his shoulders starting to tremble and he heard the occasional sniff. Rolling his eyes, Armitage overtook him, leading the way straight to Poe’s office.

“Sit,” he ordered the moment he opened the door to the secretariat and Dave looked up at him, eyes wide in surprise at his harsh tone. But then his eyes fell on the poor sod right behind Armitage and he quickly returned his attention back to his computer. “Is he in there?” Armitage asked, his voice considerably calmer and pointing at the office which had once belonged to Leia and which was now Poe’s. The door stood ajar and he heard the shuffling of feet behind the door. Within seconds Poe was standing before him.

“Yep,” Dave said unnecessarily, looking up only briefly to watch Jacen come in.

Poe’s eyes gleamed for a moment and that tell-tale smile started spreading across his face before he realized someone was standing behind Armitage. Immediately he frowned and looked at Jacen, who was hovering by the door, his backpack slung over one shoulder and looking at his sneakers. “What happened?”

“He was drinking in the Physics Lab and spilled water on electric appliances.” Armitage said curtly, his eyes narrowing as he followed Poe’s gaze.

He could hear Poe barely managing to suppress an anguished groan. “Come on in, Jacen,” he said calmly, though his voice held so much authority Armitage found himself standing more upright.

“Mr Dameron, I-“

“I said,” Poe cut him off in that level voice of his, “come in.”

Jacen swallowed visibly, then slowly shuffled towards Poe’s office door. As he passed Armitage, he could see the tear-stained face and, despite himself, he felt his heart sink. Poe pushed past him to lean over Dave’s desk. Armitage could only just make out the words he was whispering.

“Do _not_ call his mother.”

When he stood up again and locked eyes with Armitage, Armitage felt as though the floor had been ripped from beneath his feet. Slowly, Poe advanced towards him. Squeezed his hand and passed his fingers lightly over his stomach, before following Jacen inside.

The door fell shut with a soft thud and Armitage felt that sound reverberate through his entire body like a slap in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... rough day, huh? What are your thoughts?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning at the end.

He veered off into the bathroom reserved for teachers to splash his face with cold water. Only now did he realize that his hands were shaking and as he stared at himself in the mirror, he flinched at the way his own eyes stared back at him. The sneer around his lips made him quickly drop his gaze again.

He turned on the tap, avoiding looking up as he let it run over his wrists first and then scooped up some of the water and drizzled it on his neck. This could have gone wrong. So terribly, terribly wrong.

Letting out a low huff, he dried his face and neck with one of the paper towels.

_Don’t call his mother._

That’s what Poe had told Dave, immediately reassuring Armitage that things between them were okay with a single touch.

He knew he’d done the right thing, knew he couldn’t have just let this pass, but there was something about this, something about the finality with which the door had clicked into place combined with Poe’s order that made him feel miserable. And it wasn’t just the stern look on his own face as he looked into the mirror one last time.

There were only a few reasons as to why not calling a child’s parents could be the best solution in Poe’s eyes. None of them were good… But what did _he_ know about Jacen? Only last week the boy had mentioned his father in class, hadn’t he? About how he, Jacen, wanted to be welder too. Armitage scoffed as he pushed open the door and his eyes fell on the lush fake-tree standing in the middle of the entrance hall.

A welder… that meant he probably worked at the wharf. Armitage had only taken three steps in the direction back to his lab when the bell rang…

The wharf…

_Don’t call his mother._

Armitage swallowed hard. What had he done? Why hadn’t anybody told him? His eyes shifted to the door leading to the Teacher’s Lounge on his far left. That’s where the news would have been circulated. There. And he hadn’t gone in there.

The first students were already in the corridor to head over to their lockers and then outside. The last lesson of the day was over.

Pressing his lips into a thin line, he headed back to the Lab, ignoring the stares of the students now spilling out of it. He didn’t even acknowledge Mark smiling at him, but pushed through the door and started heading up to the teacher’s desk, where Rey was examining the ruined circuit plate.

“That boy really screwed up,” she breathed, throwing the charred object into the bin. “Did you take him to Poe?”

Armitage nodded and leaned against the desk, elbows propped up on the gleaming tiles. “His father was one of the people killed yesterday, wasn’t he?”

Rey looked up briefly and she nodded. “That’s what Chad told us, yes.”

Armitage folded his hands. Chad was well on his way to becoming Vice Principal. Armitage wasn’t entirely sure how good the man would be at communicating, but at least he got the words out today. “Why the hell was Jacen even here today?”

With a shrug, Rey got up from her seat. “You know what it’s like…”

Yes, he did. He remembered exactly what it had been like the day after his mother had died. He’d awoken in a strange bed, for one brief moment wondering where he was before it hit him like a punch to the gut, leaving him a sobbing wreck in the room which his father had provided for him. Brendol Hux had been a stranger then. A stranger, but someone he’d hoped he could cling to. But the moment Armitage had managed to get out of bed and down the stairs to find those two strangers, Brendol and his then-wife Maratelle, at the breakfast table, he’d been longing to get out again. To school. To forget it all, if only for a few hours.

And then, once he’d entered the school building, an hour late and with everybody staring at him, he had locked himself away in one of the bathrooms, crying his eyes out. Howling at the pain and the guilt. Because already he was trying to forget. Already he was pushing his mother away.

He blinked at the tears rising in his eyes. “How old were you?”

“Fifteen.” Her eyes shifted over to the door which was still standing wide open. “You?”

“Nine.” Sighing, he passed his hand over his face, wondering how he would have felt if someone had shouted at him like this the day after his mother died. “I screwed up, didn’t I?” He knew he had. He’d overreacted in the face of the boy’s misery. Simply because he hadn’t been aware of his troubles.

“No.” Rey shook her head and moved around the teacher’s desk to put a hand on his shoulder. “You didn’t know, and he was the one who screwed up. He could have hurt someone, even himself. What news would that have been for his mom?”

Armitage nodded and folded his hands on the table again. “No, you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

With a scoff, he pushed himself away from the desk. “Cocky.”

“I like your ring by the way. New?” Her eyes were trained on his left hand and his heart thudded to a stop. He almost felt the urge to hide his hand behind his back.

“Poe,” he said, that one word answer enough for Rey. Her frown vanished and she grinned up at him.

“And… are you…”

“Yes,” he answered blushing and before he knew it, Rey had thrown her arms around him and kissed his cheek.

“Good,” she said with a nod and she took a step back again. “Looking forward to a pompous English wedding.”

“I don’t think that’s in the cards with the new house and all…” The new house… now it would truly be theirs… he tried to smile, but he couldn’t. Not with what had just happened.

“Ah, don’t worry, we’ll figure something out. And don’t beat yourself up over Jacen, okay? He needed you yelling at him. You were terrifying. In a good way.”

Armitage shrugged and looked down at his hand again. “We’ll see if it did any good.”

Rey turned away from him and she was already at the door when he remembered something he’d been meaning to tell her. “Hey!” he shouted. “Thanks for the book!”

But Rey didn’t look back at him, just waved at him over her shoulder, then hurried out of the room.

Armitage couldn’t remember ever having been inside this restaurant. He’d seen it from the outside, he’d heard older colleagues talk about how they spent their anniversaries here, but that was about the extent of it.

He kept glancing at the door to where Poe should turn up any minute now. Why was he so nervous? He only wished he’d brought along his book. Then at least he’d have something other to do than stare at the door every five seconds, wondering if Poe would be angry with him about how he had treated Jacen.

Armitage was frightfully early. There was no arguing that question. But the walk with Beebee had been short, and there’d been very little to do back at the house. And so he had just changed very quickly and headed off to the jewellery shop. That hadn’t taken long either and he was almost embarrassed about it. But, to be fair, there really wasn’t a lot to think about, was there?

He reached into the pocket of his suit jacket, making sure everything was still in place, then he folded his hands on the table. There it was again. The ring on his own hand. The only thing that could really make him smile today.

They were engaged.

They would get married.

And perhaps tonight, after some good wine and a nice dinner, he’d be able to forget that he shouted at a boy who had just lost his father.

What a jerk he was.

“Yes, I see him already, thank you.”

His head whipped around and he felt his entire body go stiff when he heard that voice. His eyes widened as they fell on the man now passing by him a couple of tables away. Tall, broad-shouldered Ben was walking straight towards a table laid for four, where another man was already sitting. Armitage swallowed hard and quickly took out his phone. Where the hell was Poe?

“Enric, good to see you,” Ben was saying, his voice resonating through the room of diners. Armitage was only grateful for the huge fake Christmas tree between their tables. If he leaned back, he could hide himself behind it. He could count himself lucky Ben hadn’t seen him upon entering the restaurant.

Nothing… Poe hadn’t sent him a message yet.

Armitage stared at the screen, wondering how he could possibly get out of this situation now. He and Ben hadn’t spoken since Organa’s funeral, and although Ben had come on strong then, he hadn’t contacted him again, reaffirming Armitage’s suspicions that him sending Brendol to his apartment had been nothing but another game for him.

His stomach twisted painfully when he heard the next words and he felt beads of sweat running down his spine.

The other man answered, his accent clearly discernible. British. Clearly trained to sound as neutral and as bland as possible, though there was a certain pitch to the vowels that made Armitage immediately think of the North of England. Lancashire maybe? “Didn’t you say Brendol was coming too?”

Armitage pressed his lips together, looking around frantically for a way out, but as soon as he got up and moved, the other two would surely see him. And then what? He’d just wait outside the door for either Poe or his father to turn up?

“He’ll be here,” Ben sounded slightly annoyed. “And he’s bringing his wife.”

“What’s this one’s name again.”

“Isabella.”

Armitage could practically hear the eyeroll and he only barely managed not to grin at the derision in Ben’s voice. Armitage hadn’t met this new wife and he had no desire to meet her. She must have had the baby by now. Was the kid here with them?

And there it was. That sting in his chest. He had a brother or a sister and he didn’t even know what name to call them. But he was already feeling bad for the kid. Nobody deserved a father like Brendol Hux.

“Why did he bring her along anyway?” The other man called Enric hissed. “She has no business here.”

“No,” Ben agreed, “but she’s young and pretty and I bet he doesn’t trust her enough to leave her alone.”

“Understandable.” 

Armitage swallowed hard and winced when a new message popped up on his phone.

Poe. Finally. _On my way._

His fingers moved so quickly he had to retype most of the very short message. _Ben’s here._ He sent the message and quickly added. _My father will be here in a few minutes._

He didn’t have to wait long. And his breath was shaky when he read the message Poe sent him next. _Get out of there now if you can. If you can’t give me five minutes._

Five minutes… Five whole minutes during which he scrolled through the news app on his phone, trying to distract himself with something. Anything.

“What news from the union?” Ben asked, evoking a scoff from the other man.

“We offered the workers two additional days off. That will cost us less than the raise they demanded, but I believe they are happy to be employed at all.”

“I hope so.” Ben grumbled. “If you are wrong, it is on your head.”

Armitage caught a movement at the door and only chanced to look up, his shoulders relaxing instantly when he saw Poe standing there, his eyes roaming the tables. He was wearing his old dark grey jacket and one of his nicer shirts. Hell, he’d gone home to change first, hadn’t he?

His heart leapt when their eyes met and Poe hurried over to where Armitage was sitting.

“Poe?”

Poe froze, licked his upper lip and turned to look at Ben. “Hey,” he said hoarsely, staring fixedly at him and not at Armitage. He’d even shaved, Armitage noticed, hating himself for sitting here. Helpless and unable to move of his own accord.

Pathetic.

And then Poe was looking at him again, and Armitage could read in his face. Poe was unsure of what to do. Of what to say to get him out of here. “There’s an emergency,” he said quickly. “Can you come?”

What a blatant, see-through lie. But Armitage didn’t care. He jumped to his feet without even needing to be asked twice. Poe reached for his hand and pulled him around the table and now Armitage couldn’t avoid Ben’s gaze anymore. The eyes were cool, almost mocking him. There was no surprise, no sign of astonishment at seeing him here. Clearly, he had spotted Armitage after all and enjoyed this little game of his. He leaned back in his chair, looking Armitage up and down. “Armitage,” he said casually. “I’m sure you remember Enric Pryde?”

Pryde… now _that_ name rang a bell, and when Armitage looked at the other man with his gaunt face and those piercing blue eyes, he remembered. Yes, he’d seen that man before. It must have been twenty years, but yes… yes, this man had been at his father’s house a few times. “Yes,” he said, firmer than he would have thought possible. “Yes, of course.”

“Armitage…” Pryde’s eyes narrowed. “Hux?”

He felt sick and only Poe’s fingers around his kept him upright. Damn it, he thought, he was better than this. “Babe, can we go?” Poe asked quietly and Armitage nodded absentmindedly as Pryde’s gaze wandered over him, freezing him in place, making his chest feel like it was icy cold and on fire at the same time.

“No, let’s go.” Armitage cleared his throat and nodded at Poe, those eyes the safe haven he needed right now. They drove away the cold somewhat.

Poe squeezed his hand and started pulling him towards the door, mumbling a few words to Ben and Pryde before they reached the door and slipped outside into the evening without acknowledging the waiter.

They walked a couple of steps, all the while Armitage kept looking over his shoulder, dreading to see yet another familiar face, but as soon as they were out of sight of the restaurant, Poe pulled him close, hands on his cheeks. “No harm done?” he breathed.

No… no, not exactly. Armitage’s mind was whirring. He was better than this, he told himself again. He _had_ been better than this once. Only… he hadn’t expected this. Yes, that was it. He hadn’t expected his father to be so near. He let out a long breath, focusing on the warmth in Poe’s eyes. The concern he saw there. And the love… Yes. There it was. That was it. Exactly what he needed.

“Thanks for coming,” he whispered, reaching up to grab Poe’s shirt. “Thank you for being there.”

If anything, those words did something more. Poe sighed, pulled his face closer and kissed him, brushing his lips against Armitage’s so softly the kiss felt like a feather tantalizing the sensitive skin. Their noses were brushing against each other as Poe’s lips moved from on corner of his mouth to the other, his hands sliding down Armitage’s size. “I’ll always be there,” Poe muttered. “I promise.”

The slamming of a car door behind him, made Armitage wince and he felt Poe stiffen. When Armitage opened his eyes again, he saw Poe staring at something behind him. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“Armitage!”

“Fuck,” Poe whispered against Armitage’s lips. “I’m sorry.”

Armitage let out a long breath and patted Poe’s chest. There was no way of running now… but at least he wouldn’t be stuck in one room with his father. That was something. He cleared his throat. His hand slipped into Poe’s once more as he turned around to face the man. And yes… there he was. Thinner than he had been, his hair and beard as perfectly styled as usual.

At least Armitage was somewhat prepared.

At least he could now turn and leave.

“Father,” he said quietly, his eyes only briefly darting to the girl standing behind his father. She was wearing a knee-length black cocktail dress and her platinum blond her was tied up in a high bun. She didn’t look cheap, not at all like Armitage would have expected, but she was young… younger than him. She couldn’t be older than twenty-five, if that. Somehow Armitage doubted it. He felt sick just looking at her standing next to Brendol.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” Brendol said, keeping some distance between them. His green eyes travelled over Armitage’s appearance, a sneer tugging at his lips and his eyes narrowing as it fell on their linked hands. Clearly, he had seen them kiss. Clearly, he must know… of course he did.

“You will not be seeing any more of me,” Armitage said curtly.

“Won’t you greet your stepmother?”

Somehow that last word did it. It drove all the tension from his body and he knew, he just knew when the first puff of laughter passed his lips, that he had just trodden on dangerous ground. “Stepmother,” he laughed, the sound so mirthless he felt it making the hair rise on his neck. “Right.” He looked at her again. She was skinny, but beautiful, Armitage had to admit that. What did she see in Brendol, other than his money? How desperate could one person be to marry a man thrice their own age. “We have to go,” he said instead, squeezing Poe’s hand. “My fiancé and I have things to do.”

If anything, Brendol grew even more pale. “Your…” he breathed, eyes wide.

“Let’s go, Poe,” he let out a long breath and ignored the fact that Brendol took a step towards him. “Merry Christmas, Mommy.” They really had to get going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: once Armitage is in the restaurant, there will be a lot of Ben Solo and Brendol Hux. No direct reference to past Kylux in this one, though. However, Brendol Hux's homophobia becomes more apparent this time around.
> 
> Other than that.. this was a long chapter and I wrote the entirety of it today. I hope you like it. I'm gonna try and write as much as possible tomorrow and the day after so I can post the Christmassy chapter on Christmas Day or the day after.
> 
> If I don't, I wish you all happy holidays and if you celebrate Christmas: Merry Christmas! I missed Channuka this time around and I'm sorry. I usually ALWAYS do and I apologize.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: very cheesy stuff... but I'm in a weird Christmas blues kind of mood at the moment. Forgive me.

Poe slammed the car door shut.

Armitage hadn’t said a word yet. He just stared ahead at the nearly deserted street, his face pale, his hands clasped tightly together in his lap.

“Did you seriously call her _Mommy_?”

The burst of laughter was short. Barely more than a cough with a grin, but it was enough encouragement for him to put a hand on Armitage’s leg.

“My badass fiancé,” Poe grinned leaning back in his seat to look at him. At the long, straight nose and the freckles on it. He paused and rubbed his thumb over Armitage’s knee. It always helped to calm him down and the effect didn’t disappoint now. Armitage leaned back in his seat and put his hand on Poe’s. The sight of the ring on his hand gave Poe a little jolt of triumph. He’d done it. He’d won him over.

“It’s not her fault,” Armitage said, now staring down at their hands. “Young and gullible and stupid… she didn’t deserve that.”

“Well, he did.” Poe muttered. “But…you know…. maybe she’s just as much of a jerk as him and they love and deserve each other. “

Armitage snorted again. “I’m not thinking straight… I’m sorry.”

“Hungry?”

“Starving.”

Poe nodded. “Okay… I know when I have to feed my man. Care for some pizza at our usual place?”

“Frozen pizza at home would be perfectly fine.”

“Okay.” Poe shrugged, “But I’m putting it in the oven first.”

“Ridiculous man.”

Poe nodded and was about to reach for the ignition, when Armitage’s hand closed around his.

Armitage’s eyes were a bit brighter than usual when he looked at him now, the hard look gone from his eyes, though the crease between his brows was still there. “Wait… how did it go with Jacen?”

Oh… that. Poe shrugged. The way Jacen had sat in his office, trembling and with tears falling into his lap wasn’t exactly what he’d been looking forward to talking about tonight. “Badly,” Poe said honestly. “Not because of you, though. We really didn’t talk about that.” He cleared his throat. “Just briefly towards the end. I sent him home and told him to stay there until he was feeling better. He’s gonna come see me about the incident in the Physics Lab then. I know I should’ve been more strict, but-“

“No,” Armitage interrupted him. “No, you were right. I had no idea… I wouldn’t even have taken him to you had I known.” Frowning he looked down at their hands again. “I would’ve known had I been in the Teacher’s Lounge this morning.”

“Oh come on, being soft on him wouldn’t have taught the other kids a thing… and it was dangerous. You did everything just right. Stop beating yourself up about it.” And wasn’t this one of the reasons Poe loved him? The way he could be snide, cocky if not to say petty and downright intimidating one minute and caring and thoughtful the next? When Armitage arrived here, he hadn’t allowed the thoughtful side to show. He’d been cool and distant, but things had changed the more he relaxed into his situation and let others in. It’d been a long road, but Poe couldn’t say he’d ever been prouder of anyone.

“It’s all this First Order stuff…” Armitage sighed. “They’re here and they’re involved in everything and…” He made a dismissive sound and shook his head. “I hate being so weak when it comes to them.”

Poe didn’t say anything. He knew exactly that Armitage wasn’t referring to Jacen anymore. Jacen might have been on Armitage’s mind that morning and that afternoon, but seeing Solo and this Pryde guy and on top of it all his father, was bound to have shaken him to the core. “You’re not weak,” Poe said finally. “And you know it.” He let go of Armitage’s hand. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.” He was not entirely surprised by the anger in his own voice now. He hated it when Armitage put himself down like this, no matter how often he reminded himself that even putting himself down wasn’t his fault. He sighed and extracted his hand from Armitage’s. “I love you so much. It hurts when you say things like that.”

He threw one last look at him. Armitage was biting his lip, one hand in his pocket as he stared up ahead.

“Come on, let’s get some food inside of you.”

His father didn’t have a piano, but that only meant that Poe had lugged Armitage’s piano into his car twice. Armitage had protested both times, but damn it, Poe knew Armitage needed his electric instrument with him on Christmas. He’d been playing on that thing every single evening since the night they had met Brendol and the other terrible First Order people.

They arrived at Kes’ place at around five, set up the piano next to the small fake Christmas tree and after helping his father get everything set for dinner, Armitage was sitting at the piano again, playing carol after carol. Poe knew most of them, but some were completely new to him. Armitage didn’t even need to consult his notes most of the time. What an insanely intelligent person he was…

“They arrested someone today for those killings at the wharf,” Kes said behind him as he was laying the table.

“Who?” Poe asked, arms crossed over his chest as he turned to look at his father.

Kes shrugged. “It was on the news this afternoon. They arrested him in Toshe someplace near the airport.”

With a nod, Poe leaned against the doorframe again, eyes still trained on Armitage, who appeared to have drifted off into another world as he sat there, straight-backed, his elegant fingers flying over the keys. “So not anyone local?”

“No,” Kes said behind him and Poe felt him approaching. “Your boyfriend’s really good.”

_Boyfriend._ Poe bit his lip and nodded. He still hadn’t told Kes. Somehow the moment hadn’t come up yet. But was now the right moment? Probably not. Not with Armitage not standing right next to him. “He’s the best,” he said instead, clapped his father on the back and moved over to the piano to where Armitage was still sitting, playing and playing and playing. “Will you sing for me?” he whispered taking a seat in the ancient armchair next to where Armitage’s piano was standing. It was as though he was glued to this thing, eyes following every single movement on the keys and only occasionally looking up.

Armitage didn’t look up now. Of course he didn’t. He kept playing, his golden eyelashes next to invisible in the light of the setting sun. Poe loved seeing him like this. His hair like a golden halo around his head, his freckles standing out against the light skin as he was focused on nothing but the song he was playing. Poe rarely ever saw him this relaxed and focused at the same time. There were only a few other times he looked like this, and none of them were safe to think about with his father nearby.

And now Armitage played the last notes and let his hands sink into his lap. One of his eyebrows rose ever so slightly. “Are you sure?” He rarely ever sang in front of Poe, although he knew Poe liked it. His voice. His intonation. The passion he put into the words and the melody. The little twists he managed to bring to the songs to make them his and only his.

“Go on.”

Armitage licked his lips, then looked over at Kes who was still standing in the doorway.

“Come on, I don’t bite.”

“I doubt it.”

Kes chuckled and approached the two of them, but the way he was looking at Poe made Poe feel like the collar of his shirt was a bit too tight. “Well, play us something then.”

And he did. Armitage didn’t need to be asked a third time. He started playing and when his voice, so different when he sang, emerged, Poe felt his heart lift even more. He was staring, transfixed at Armitage as lifted his voice, some vowels almost vibrating in the air as he sang _Silent Night_. No frills. Just the melody. Simple and plain and at the same time so beautiful it brought tears to his eyes. A second voice started up around the second verse and Poe knew that his father had joined in too. His voice not nearly as perfectly pitched as Armitage’s but good enough and Poe knew at once that Armitage had picked that song and played it in its no-frills version for Kes’ benefit.

If Poe could have loved him any more, he would have now. Because Kes loved singing. And he had a good voice. Much deeper than Armitage’s but full, even if it was untrained.

Poe felt almost tempted to go upstairs and get out his old guitar, but he couldn’t move. Not when the song ended and Armitage switched to another melody. A melody which seemed vaguely familiar, but which Poe couldn’t pinpoint until Armitage looked directly at him, his eyes flickering only briefly and nervously to Kes, before fixating on Poe again. And then Armitage’s voice joined the grave and yet infinitely light music reverberating through the room.

Poe’s heart was fluttering in his chest, like a bird dying to be let out as he held Armitage’s gaze and his ears seemed to tingle with the voice. A voice so wonderful it made it next to impossible at first to make out the words. A soft blush was now creeping up Armitage’s neck and Poe recognised the song all of a sudden. The centrepiece of that weird, dark sequel to _Phanotm._ They had watched the DVD a few days ago… and now… Armitage was singing it for him, the blush now reaching his ears, but his eyes… those eyes were so true. So honest. Letting Poe see it all. The gravity of his feelings. The sincerity with which he let the words burst out from his lips.

Loved.

Poe had never felt so loved.

Never in all his life had felt so enthralled by someone. And he didn’t care that his father was there listening. He didn’t mind that they weren’t alone or that anybody seeing this would think it awkward. And then Armitage’s voice rose as the song raced towards its finale and for the first time Armitage’s voice faltered. Just for a second, but that simple trace of a break in volume, that touch of imperfection, made Poe lean in even closer. Still, Armitage pushed through, his eyes trained unblinkingly on Poe.

The song ended almost abruptly and when the last notes evaporated into thin air, Poe felt the tension between them like a tangible thing and the way Kes was looking at them was almost uncomfortable.

“Poe…” Armitage cleared his throat and he reached into his pocket. “I know we’ve already settled this but… last week things got a bit out of hand and…” He dropped his eyes and Poe watched him lick his lips. “I know it’s cheesy and all, but… maybe… because it’s Christmas I can get away with it?” He withdrew his hand from his pocket and, on his open palm, presented Poe with a ring. An exact match to the one Poe had given him, only slightly bigger. “We’re gonna get married.”

He heard Kes shift next to him, but Poe didn’t look at him. He only had eyes for Armitage, unable to breathe for a moment. “That’s how you do it.” He said finally, unsure of whether his heart was now racing so fast he couldn’t make out every single beat, or if it had just ceased to exist.

Armitage’s eyes widened a fraction and then that incredible smile started appearing on those lush lips. “So…”

“So, yes! Yes, we are!” Poe burst out laughing, remembering how he had blundered and dropped the ring for Armitage about a dozen times and how he had failed to hide it properly. How, in the end, Armitage had found it. Armitage, who was now grinning, his teeth flashing pearly white. Poe took his face into his hands to kiss him squarely on the mouth.

He bumped into the piano, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was that Armitage was there, his hands on his chest as he returned the kiss, their lips greeting each other like they hadn’t already spent an eternity together. “I love you,” Armitage whispered, his voice so hoarse now, it drove Poe to bury his hands in Armitage’s hair and tug at it.

A presence looming near them drove them apart and with bleary eyes Poe looked up at his father. The man who had raised him, who had been a rock in his life ever since he could remember was now standing next to them, tears streaming down his face. Seeing his father like this shattered something deep inside of him and he felt Armitage’s hand grab his shirt, just before Kes gestured for Armitage to get up. Kes’ eyes were trained on him now. For the first time with such a warmth in them, Poe felt the world closing in around them. It was just the three of them. At this precise moment, there was nobody else in the entire world that mattered except for these two people. “You could’ve asked me too, you know? For my son’s hand in marriage?”

Slowly, very, very slowly, Armitage got up and took a deep breath. His shoulders squared he stood before him, a barely visibly frown darkening his face. “With all due respect, Sir, your son asked me first. I merely failed to catch up until now.” And there it was again. That trace of a smile.

Kes laughed out loud and before Armitage knew what was happening, Kes had pulled him against his chest in an embrace to tight, Poe was wondering when he’d hear the tell-tale cracking of a rib. Relief washing over him, Poe watched as Armitage started to relax and hugged Kes back.

_About time,_ Poe thought a split second before he dove in, throwing his arms around both Armitage and Kes, tears welling up in his eyes. Armitage gave a low huff when Poe pulled his head close to his and kissed his cheek as the happiness seemed to be ready to burst his chest wide open.

“Spring wedding?” Kes laughed, taking a step back, still grinning at the two of them.

“It’s always hot here,” Armitage said dryly, though when he looked at Poe and saw the tears on his face, he laughed once and reached up to brush his thumb over Poe’s cheek. “Doesn’t matter when,” he said and Poe nodded in agreement. This moment right here was perfect. Nothing and nobody could ruin it.

Not even the three harsh raps on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger... yes... who could it be?! Any guesses? Pro tip that won't help you at all: Oscar Isaac's ugly sweater from the TLJ press tour will make an appearance in the next few chapters.
> 
> Also: John Owen Jones' version of "Love Never Dies" served as inspiration for this little proposal.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one. And maybe a confusing one. Bear with me.
> 
> Content warning at the end.

One clothes item after the next landed hap-hazardly on the bed. Not necessarily inside the open suitcase. There was no order. No thinking. Just acting on impulse. Armitage followed their arc as they travelled through the air, his stomach clenching tighter with every single garment that landed on top of the other.

“Care to help?” Poe’s voice was higher than usual as he paced the bedroom, throwing open drawers and closing them again as he assembled everything they might need for a trip, the length of which nobody could determine.

Armitage clenched his hands into fists, slowly got up from the bed and walked over towards the bathroom on legs that didn’t seem to belong to him. Their flight would leave in four hours. There wasn’t a whole lot of time. No. There was no time at all. Blinking hard, he reached for the toilet bag and started stuffing things inside. There was no system to this either. None at all.

Toothbrush.

What was he going to do?

Toothpaste.

How could this have happened?

Razors.

This was a dream, wasn’t it?

Shaving cream.

This was bad.

Soap.

He wasn’t prepared for this.

He looked up at himself, at the hollow-eyed man staring straight back. His eyes panicky, one of the twitching. He hadn’t even noticed it. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. The news had reached them just this afternoon.

They weren’t ready for this.

“Armitage, how many sweaters? How many shirts? What do you think?”

Sweaters. Shirts. Jeans. Underthings…

Passports.

No. No, those were already on the kitchen table. Right next to the food which Kes had packed for them. Food, which had been meant for Christmas dinner.

Breathing hard, he sat down on the bathtub.

He should be relieved, he thought as he stared down at the cracked white tile right beneath the sink. So where was that feeling? Where was the joy? The constant smiling?

All he felt was this gaping hole in his chest. Loss of purpose and-

_Shock,_ he reminded himself, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a long, calming breath. _You’re under shock. This will pass._

 _Breathe._

“I asked how-“ Poe was standing in the doorway, his arms full with about a dozen sweaters. The second he laid eyes on Armitage, he let them all crumple to the tiled floor. “That bad, huh?”

Armitage swallowed hard and didn’t answer. He was still clutching the toilet back, it’s black fabric stained with a couple of white blotches from spilled toothpaste. And then Poe entered his field of vision, his eyes full of concern, his hands warm on Armitage’s.

When had he slipped on the ring?

And why was Armitage thinking about that now?

“You don’t have to come,” Armitage said, his heart aching when he said those words. “It’s probably not even gonna be until next week and-“

“Of course I’m coming.” Poe held up his left hand. “We’re in this together.”

Yes… would he still be insisting on coming along if it weren’t for those rings? Probably… Because this was Poe. Poe who had spend a whole day with him to buy a piano for school just to spend some time with him. Poe who was far too bright and perfect for this shitty world of Armitage’s.

Pressing his lips into a thin line, he looked down at his lap again and nodded. He would accept Poe’s presence, because this man was the only person in this world who could make him feel like it was okay to get on that plane. Who could make him move at all without losing his mind completely.

“He’s dead, Armitage,” Poe whispered, his hands clasping Armitage’s tightly. “He’s gone.” There was something else implied there. _He can’t hurt you anymore._

“Yes,” Armitage said, letting out a long, trembling breath. The thing was, he wouldn’t be able to believe it until he saw the body… but he wouldn’t. The policeman who had waited by Kes’ door had made it clear that his father and stepmother would be cremated before being sent back to England in a private plane belonging to First Order.

A car crash… an accident caused by a drunk driver who, miraculously, wasn’t Brendol Hux. One of the victims, though, was.

Brendol Hux and his wife Isabella were dead.

Brendol Hux was dead.

His father was dead.

His eyes were burning and he quickly swallowed down the panicky sob creeping its way up his throat. Tears had no place here. No tears were worth shedding over this bastard’s death. Heck, if it were just death, he’d probably still be sitting at Kes’ place, drinking tea and inhaling the mountains of food which Kes would now have to feed to someone else.

“Come on, babe, we gotta get ready, okay?” Poe’s hands were sure when the tugged at the toilet bag in Armitage’s lap, but they let him hang onto it. Poe brushed his fingers through Armitage’s hair instead and kept packing in silence.

Folding clothes.

Putting them in place.

The emptiness was all he had right now. This vacuum of nothingness that had expanded within his chest once the policeman had added something else, making the relief starting to settle in the pit of his stomach evaporate.

This wasn’t over.

He had to get to England.

He might have to stay there for a while.

Poe would come with him.

Poe had already made sure that, once Christmas break was over, Chad would take over all responsibilities for as long as it took.

Poe was there for him. Even if he didn’t need to be. Even if this was inconvenient for him.

“Okay, I gotta close this thing. Gimme the toilet bag, please.” There was a thin layer of sweat on his forehead and though Poe’s voice was calm, Armitage knew he was everything but. Poe was nervous. This was far from anything they had discussed so far.

This was insane.

Poe’s eyes darted to the bag, then back up to Armitage’s face, the look in them so pleading it made Armitage’s insides churn.

Shaking his head, Armitage stood up and pushed past Poe back into the bedroom. The suitcase was massive. Bigger than the one which Armitage had used to transport most of his clothes here. This one was huge and bulky and filled to the brim. Beside it were two bags which they would use as carry-ons. Armitage could see his tablet peeking out of one of them. He wouldn’t be able to look at it. He wouldn’t be able to read a single sentence.

Though the suitcase was packed exactly the way Poe packed his school bag. There was next to no system. About a dozen things must be missing. But Armitage didn’t have the energy to complain or to remind Poe that they needed space for their return trip. Other things would need to be added.

_No time for that now_ , Armitage reminded himself before putting the bag on top and closing the lid.

Poe was standing right behind him, hands on his hips. He nodded appreciatively and hugged him without even waiting for Armitage to fully turn around. “We can do this, okay?”

Armitage wasn’t sure they could. “This house is too small.”

“Yeah, but we’re moving soon. It’ll be fine. Believe me.”

No, it wouldn’t be. It could not.

“I’m not sure what I’m doing. This is probably the wrong thing _to_ do.”

“Armitage… we have to go.”

His mouth was parched, tongue sticking to the top of it. “Yes,” he sighed. The boy needed him… his _brother_ needed him. His brother, who had no other ruddy relative now. His brother who had nobody left in his life now apart from the nanny his father and mother had left him with.

He felt dizzy and about ready to throw up when he picked up the suitcase, ignoring the pain in his shoulder and Poe’s arms which withdrew almost immediately. They would get his brother. They would take him here. There was nobody else left. Nobody but them to take in this kid.

His nose was prickling treacherously as he walked towards the door, ignoring the mirror hanging beside it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: mention of Brendol's death and that of his young wife. A lot of angst and trauma emerging in this one.
> 
> So.... we're going on a trip. Good grief, what am I doing to these two?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of angst in this one. Poe and Armitage are in London, ready to talk about Armitage's baby brother.

Armitage hadn’t spoken a whole lot. Not on their way to the airport. Not during the ten-hour flight, during which he rested his head on Poe’s shoulder, shuddering every now and again in a way that made Poe to pull him even tighter against his chest. But it wouldn’t do. Nothing he said or did could make this go away. Not even the trip to their hotel in central London during which they must have passed about two dozen places which were bound to remind Armitage of his life here, managed to evoke a reaction out of him. The only way Poe even still knew he was there was because Armitage kept clutching at his hand whenever possible. Armitage was always there, as close to him as possible, avoiding his eyes, staring blankly into nothingness.

And it wasn’t as though Poe wasn’t terrified by what was awaiting them either. By what would be expected of them now.

No… it wasn’t expected of them, Poe reminded himself as he was sitting next to Armitage inside one of the many black cabs on their way to their first talk with the social worker. He was still holding Armitage’s hand, wondering when the breakdown would come. So far, Armitage was doing exceptionally well at hiding it all. But it was only a question of time of when the barriers he had set up around himself would finally break. This wasn’t healthy. This wasn’t helping. It would only make taking the kid back home with them more difficult. If it even came to that. It might not come to that. Armitage might realize he couldn’t do it.

Could he?

Could they?

Brendol Hux was dead.

That wasn’t bad news. And yet he felt like there was nothing good about it either. In a perfect world, this death would not have affected them at all, maybe apart from him cooking a large pot of tea and holding Armitage in his arms for an entire weekend, which would end with them getting pizza with Finn and Rey and Rose.

Well, so much for that.

Poe had never, not even once thought about Armitage’s brother, though right now the words which Brendol had sent Armitage a few weeks after his arrival in Anchorhead echoed through his mind.

_Let us hope that child is not a weak nothing like his brother._

A weak nothing… What a thing to say to your own child. What expectations to burden upon an unborn child. Poe could hardly believe Brendol would have been a better father to this new baby than he had been to Armitage. Not that that was any kind of consolation. This child was left with nobody.

The driver stopped the car and Poe watched as Armitage disentangled himself from Poe to pay the man. He looked normal then. Like nothing was wrong, his hands sure, his gaze steady as he handed the driver a couple of bills and then pulled Poe out into the nearly deserted street and the chilly rain. They were standing in front of a fairly modern official looking building and Poe felt his heart starting to pound. The man whom Poe had contacted just after their flight had left, had made a special appointment for them.

A social worker.

Poe’d had his fair share of working with those, though never concerning a matter that concerned him personally.

“Armitage?”

“Yes.”

Armitage hadn’t moved. He merely stood there, hands in the pockets of his woolen coat, staring up at the building.

“You know you don’t have to do any of this. You don’t-“ he hesitated, already fully aware that the words weren’t true, because he _knew_ Armitage and he _knew_ Armitage was not the kind of person to walk away from any kind of responsibility thrust at him, “you don’t have to do this.”

“No,” Armitage said, his voice hoarse and as he looked at Poe, there was a flicker of doubt in his eyes. A flicker so harsh it cut right through his heart. “No, I don’t have to do it. But on the other hand” he paused, licking his dry lips. He hadn’t drunk even a glass of water. Not even on the plane. “Y _ou_ really don’t.”

Poe threw an arm around Armitage’s shoulders and kissed his icy cheek. “Don’t be an idiot, Hugs.” He swallowed hard and looked at his profile. His jaw was set, his eyes staring up at the glass front doors. On these last few minutes his posture had changed. He still looked tired, but determined. It was as though the silent man who had clung to him was slowly vanishing as Armitage got ready to slip into another role. Poe smiled and tapped Armitage’s chin. “Thick and thin and all of that.” Not that he was sure how he would cope with that… but… there was nothing for it, was there? He wanted Armitage. And Armitage would now have to face… this…

They hadn’t discussed kids. Whether they wanted them, whether they would adopt or look for a surrogate… all of these were questions that might have come up in the coming months… but not right now. This thing had been thrust at them, and of all the possible outcomes, Poe never, not once, would have believed that it would happen like this. And, no, if he was totally honest, he wouldn’t want it to. This had come too fast. They weren’t prepared. He wasn’t prepared.

He leaned to kiss Armitage’s cheek, and found his lips instead when Armitage turned his head. Startled, he pulled back and blinked. “I love you, okay?”

“Okay…” Armitage took a deep breath and nodded. “Let’s go inside.” He reached for Poe’s hand. Already Poe’s fingers were icy cold and he held on tightly to Armitage as they climbed the stairs. A tall, thin man was leaning against a gleaming counter on the other side of the door, in an entrance hall which appeared to be completely deserted. There weren’t even any lights, except for a brightly illuminated Christmas tree in front of a wide set of stairs leading to one of the upper floors.

Without hesitating a moment longer, Poe knocked on the door and the man’s head shot up. Tall, yes, but also thin with dark blond hair and very dark eyes. He was wearing jeans, a clean white shirt and a dark pullover. Poe nearly nodded in recognition. That get-up was almost stereotypical. As he drew nearer, Poe spotted the green tie with white Christmas trees on it. He remembered Armitage laughing at him the previous year for wearing a similar tie, but that memory wouldn’t bring a smile to Poe’s lips now. Instead, he felt his insides writhe. This was it then. The first time they’d be judged like this.

The man unlocked the door from the inside and pulled it open. His dark eyes moved from Poe to Armitage and fixed on Armitage. “Mr Hux and Mr Dameron, right?”

Poe nodded, but, to his relief, it was Armitage who spoke now. “Yes, Mr Thannisson?”

“That’s right. Call me Jake, please.” Thannisson stood to the side to let them in and Poe wondered for a moment at how young this man looked. He was younger than he or Armitage. Probably one of the reasons he’d been assigned this case over Christmas. No family of his own. “It’s good of you to have come so quickly.” That sentence alone felt like a piece of the puzzle that would soon decide what would happen next and Poe felt his throat go tight.

Thannisson closed the door behind them, then gestured towards the massive staircase. “If you’ll follow me. I would like to talk with you in my office.”

They followed him. Poe barely paid attention to where they were going, but instead kept glancing at Armitage who was walking more and more upright the further they went, eyes trained on Thannisson, his face ashen grey. At the top of the stairs they turned left and along a couple of corridors until they were in front of a simple, nondescript white door, which Thannisson held open for them.

“Please, sit,” Thannisson said, pointing to a couple of ancient looking chairs and a sofa standing on one side of the office crammed with bookshelves and stacks of papers. The grey light streaming in through the window did little to cheer this place up. “Can I offer you anything? Tea, coffee?”

“No, thank you,” Armitage said as he sat down. They had both changed and washed up in their small hotel room, but neither one of them had taken the time to shave. The light golden shadow on Armitage’s cheeks under the fluorescent lights made him seem even older now, Poe thought, but despite the dark shadows under his eyes, Armitage seemed alert and tense.

“First of all,” Thannisson said, once they had sat down, “I would like to express my condolences. I know this must come as a real shock to you to have lost your father and his wife so suddenly.”

Armitage’s hands clenched into fists, but he didn’t say a word. Instead, he returned Thannisson’s gaze quietly as he tentatively leaned back against the sofa. Poe let out a long breath and put his hand on Armitage’s. They were on the verge of trembling with fury, but Armitage’s expression showed nothing of his anger. Poe brushed his thumb over Armitage’s cool fingers and shook his head.

“I only met him once,” Poe said. “And he was not exactly a nice guy.”

Thannisson’s eyes flickered to their interlocked hands and then back at Poe. “I understand.”

 _No, you really don_ _’_ _t_ , Poe thought, but he wouldn’t say any of this in front of this stranger. Not as long as it wasn’t strictly necessary.

Thannisson cleared his throat. His number had been given to Poe by the cop who had stood in front of his father’s house not even a day ago. Time had slipped past by so quickly, Poe still couldn’t quite grasp he was here. In a social worker’s office on Christmas Day with a silly little Santa figurine standing on top of the shelf right behind the other man. A little reminder that billions of people were celebrating today. That they weren’t. That, instead they were worrying about a child neither of them had spared a though for in the past few months. “Have you ever met your brother, Mr Hux?”

Armitage almost flinched. Poe felt the spasm of it underneath his hand. “No,” he said instead and, with his other hand, started drumming on his knee. “No, I have not.” He cleared his throat. “And please… call me Armitage. This is Poe… my… fiancé.”

Thannisson showed the slightest of smiles. “Alright. Armitage.” He cleared his throat. “I have looked at your file, of course. You are a teacher? In the United States?”

“Yes.”

Poe cringed inwardly, hoping beyond hope Armitage would start speaking more than one sentence. “We are both teachers, actually,” he jumped in and Thannisson leaned forward in his chair. “I’m Principal of a public high school, Armitage teaches Music and Physics. He’s pretty damn good with kids.” The last sentence burbled out of his mouth and Thannisson smiled properly now.

“Okay,” he said. “Although, you should know, I am just here to get to know you guys. And ultimately I will not be the one who decides if Arthur will come home with you.”

_Arthur._

The name hung in the air for a moment. Poe felt the name hovering over his own lips. Arthur… Not a bad name. A name which Brendol had given him. Swallowing hard, he watched as Armitage leaned his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Where is he now?” he whispered.

“In foster care,” Thannisson answered. Poe felt the man’s eyes lingering on them and he patted Armitage’s hand tentatively. “The Au Pair they left him with really wasn’t qualified to take care of him during these trying times. She wasn’t even here legally.”

 _Relax, buddy,_ he thought. _It_ _’_ _ll all be okay._ “What about Mrs Hux’s relatives?” Poe asked, although they had very quickly breached on that subject during their first phone call. All the information he’d been able to process then were that Isabella Hux didn’t have any.

“None. No parents, no siblings. Just a very old aunt who lives in South Africa. You really _are_ little Arthur’s closest relatives. And I know this is a lot and I know you are going to need time to adjust.”

Armitage nodded once, eyes still trained on the ceiling. “Can I meet him?” he asked finally. “I- I never thought I would.” He pressed his lips tightly together, as though he’d already said much more than he originally meant to.

“How was your relationship with your father?”

“Bad.” One word. One quick blow. As though that one description was like a bandaid that needed to be ripped off quickly. And there was that snarl again, threatening to take over his face and Poe placed his other hand on top of Armitage’s as well, snapping him out of it very quickly.

“I see,” Thannisson said, his facial expression unreadable. “So… where do you two live? Do you share a living space, or…”

“Right now,” Poe said, before Armitage could, “we live in a small two-bedroom house. But we’re remodelling a barn on my father’s property. Should be ready to move into within the next few months.”

“So _your_ father will always be nearby too, Poe?”

Poe nodded, his jaw set when he felt Armitage’s fingers cramp around his own. “We were at his place when the news came… and to be honest, we don’t know what to expect. We weren’t… planning on raising a child yet.” Honesty. That was it. Honesty. Always his strong suit, though he felt Armitage stiffen beside him again. Maybe he was going about all of this the wrong way. “But it’s pretty clear to us that we ought to try and-”

“There will be no trial period,” Thannisson interrupted him, the smile gone from his face and his eyes suddenly cool. “You don’t _try out_ having a child in your lives.”

“No,” Poe added quickly, heat rising up his neck. “No, we know.”

“We are very much aware of that,” Armitage added, looking briefly at Poe with one of those indiscernible looks. “My question is, what happens next?”

Thannisson let out a long breath. “Like I said, Arthur is in foster care right now. If you want to apply for adoption, you would normally have to live in the UK… as it is, things are a bit difficult in that department. But we have dealt with a situation like this before.”

Armitage’s fingers tightened around his. “What does that mean exactly?”

“It means, you will have to fill out these applications,” Thannisson reached behind him to a thin folder lying on top of his desk, which he passed on to Poe and Armitage. “There will be more where that came from the further we progress.”

Poe nodded, staring at the nondescript manila folder now in his hand. He carefully placed it in his lap like it might break at any moment.

“I guess visiting rights should not be a problem for now, given that you _are_ related… but there will have to be background checks, we will have to speak with the authorities in your district but since it’s Christmas it might take a while to get them at all. If everything checks out, you’ll be asked to visit a GP for a general examination and we’ll ask two of your close friends for references, although a short interview might do, given the circumstances.” He frowned at his hands and nodded before looking up at Armitage and Poe again. “And ultimately a judge will decide. However, neither your father, or your stepmother have left any directions on what is to happen with Arthur, which isn’t all that -”

“Do we fill these out now?” Armitage interrupted him, swallowing visibly. Cut straight to the chase. Armitage was not very fond of beating around the bush. He never had been.

Thannisson sighed. “Listen, why don’t I arrange for the two of you to visit him tomorrow?”

Poe felt Armitage tense up even further next to him. “You said yourself, there is not going to be a trial run.” He stared directly at Thannisson now, his eyes ablaze with such determination it made Poe want to grab his face and kiss him there and then. “Poe?”

Poe looked at his left hand which was cradling Armitage’s again. They’d made a promise, hadn’t they? To go through it all together… but who would’ve thought that would include a child? He pressed his lips into a thin line. He wasn’t ready. Damn it, he really wasn’t. And doing this now might jeopardize everything they had built together.

His stomach was clenched in a tight knot and the tension didn’t leave his body when Armitage turned to look at him now, his green eyes reddened around the edges from lack of sleep. “Okay,” Poe said without having to think about it again. Armitage would go through with this, no matter what. And Poe’s place was right by his side. Of course it was. Hadn’t they left everything and come here to London without needing to think about any of this twice? Nodding, he opened the folder and looked at Thannisson, who was watching them from his seat with an unreadable expression on his face. “Do you have a pen or something?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're ready to sign an application, aren't we? I have to be honest, I had to look up everything concerning adopting a child in the UK, however this is a very specific case and if this were a proper book, I'd probably call social services in the UK to ask some questions... but this isn't a proper book, so please forgive any inaccuracies you may find.
> 
> On the other hand... Poe is about as nervous about this whole thing as I am. I'm not even gonna mention how nervous Armitage is... whaaat are your thoughts? Have I gone down a terrible road with this part of the story?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter except for this one: it's angsty with very little dialogue

“Come on, let’s take a walk.” Poe’s hand closed tightly about Armitage’s. He had no idea where they were right now, or what they could possibly do here today, but he couldn’t find it in him to drag Armitage back to the hotel. He was done being stuck inside. He was done seeing nothing but four solid walls surrounding them. He needed air.

And if he needed it, there was little doubt Armitage needed it even more than him.

Armitage’s breath trembled in the cold air and Poe was grateful the drizzling rain had ceased. “The river isn’t far.”

“It isn’t?”

The question drew out a thin smile from Armitage and Poe was almost sure he spotted a trace of the old smugness. The sight made his stomach coil with pleasure, despite all the madness of the past few days. He looked more relaxed now. Not a whole lot, but some of the tension seemed to have left him. Reaching into his long, black coat, he produced a pair of black leather gloves and slipped into them, flexing his fingers once they covered them up completely. “What?”

Poe shook his head. “I keep forgetting how fashionable you are. Especially when…” he couldn’t say it and he regretted even having begun that sentence, because Armitage was looking at him now with a stare that was making it impossible to move.

“When what, Dameron?” he asked.

“When you’re upset, I’m sorry.” Damn it, why was he saying he was sorry?

Armitage dropped his gaze to his shoes and pursed his lips, eyes narrowing as he stared at a puddle at his feet like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “Fair enough,” he conceded, then he turned left and walked straight past Poe down the road.

Poe heaved a heavy sigh, then started following him down the nearly deserted road.

The tall, brown buildings were set so close together, the road was so narrow that it was almost suffocating to walk along. And Armitage wasn’t stopping to wait for him. Poe hurried along the pavement, his feet hitting the occasional puddle as he almost ran to catch up with Armitage’s long strides. He should be used to this by now. Of Armitage attempting to shut him out when he was upset. But it had happened less and less these past few months and even the faintest trace of rejection was making it hard for him to want to follow.

When he’d caught up with Armitage, he took the other’s hand without comment and Armitage didn’t object or pull away. Already the leather was starting to warm up, but it was still a barrier. A barrier which Poe hated, but he kept holding on anyway as Armitage’s pace slowed down somewhat.

They had reached a pedestrian’s crossing and Armitage pulled him across the road without looking left or right or waiting for the light to turn green. There weren’t any cars on the road anyway. And Poe just let it happen, let Armitage lead him through this network of narrow alleys between tall buildings, across the occasional square lined by empty shops and cafés and the occasional closed tourist attraction, the lights of Christmas trees ablaze in windows and in the centre of squares, all the while holding on to Poe’s hand as the only acknowledgement of Poe’s physical presence.

Poe’s throat was tight, his other hand closed firmly around his phone, as though Thannisson might call back at any minute, when he had told them it would take a day before he would do so. One day until they knew whether or not they’d get to see the boy.

_Arthur_ , Poe reminded himself, chancing a look up at Armitage as they walked through another alley as though they were heading for another appointment. Arthur… what a name. Arthur Hux… Swallowing hard, he pulled at Armitage’s hand the moment they emerged out of the alley and Poe saw the river stretching out before them. Ashen grey and icy cold. A fleeting memory of when he had been in this city a few years ago crossed his mind. It had been blazing hot then. This cold wind made it all look completely different, but he had to admit, it didn’t manage to make this place look less welcoming.

Despite everything.

Not even their current circumstances managed to do that. “We have time, don’t we? Stop running.” He pulled his jacket closer around himself with his free hand.

Armitage let out a long breath and Poe couldn’t help but notice that the tip of his nose was beginning to redden. If it weren’t for their current situation, he might have found it endearing. “Alright,” Armitage sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Well, that was something.

Poe let go of Armitage’s hand and instead wrapped his arm around him. They were standing on top of a low set of stairs, overlooking the river painted in stony grey below them. There were a few more people around here, probably all of them on a post-Christmas lunch stroll. Christmas… Poe couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around the fact that this was Christmas Day. That right now they should be with Kes, exchanging text messages with Rose and Rey while sitting lazily on his father’s couch. Instead they were in another country with nobody but each other to talk to in a situation which neither one of them could have imagined in a thousand years.

He turned his head to look at Armitage again, who was still staring at the water rushing past them and the brown and grey buildings opposite. He took another deep breath and when his eyes turned to Poe again, they were unusually light, almost greyish green. “Shall we walk?”

Poe scoffed. “Let’s.”

He was expecting to feel something when they turned right to stroll, almost casually towards Tower Bridge looming grey and blue before them, its towers reaching both elegantly and stubbornly against the weather and the car exhausts towards the gloomy sky.

As though they had always been there.

As though this where they were supposed to be and would never leave, along with their big brother sitting just a few paces away.

Poe remembered visiting the Tower on his one and only other visit here. He remembered the excitement he’d felt walking through the numerous massive gates with its thick walls, wondering what it would feel like to be imprisoned there. And the next second, as he walked through an archway and dipped into one of the towers, he couldn’t help but yearn for someone to share this experience with. To have someone by his side who was just as excited by the exhibits as he was.

Armitage might be a person like that. Would their future child be interested?

But Poe didn’t even remotely feel the urge to buy a ticket and go inside the next day. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was sickening. He wanted to be excited. To be happy. But he couldn’t be. This was no happy occasion. Far from it. Because, despite everything, Brendol Hux had been Armitage’s father and, as usual, he hadn’t asked before burdening Armitage with a responsibility he wasn’t ready for.

Or was he? Were they? Who could say?

No, there wouldn’t be a trial run. There couldn’t be. The most unsettling thing about all of this was that Poe was determined to go through with it. Despite everything. He hadn’t slept a wink. Neither had Armitage, but the interview with Thannisson had thrown it all into sharp, brutal perspective. They might become parents. And soon. And Poe wasn’t scared. Not more than was probably normal, anyway. No, fear was not the most overwhelming feeling brewing in his chest. Though what it was, he couldn’t name.

He just walked alongside Armitage, revelling in the warmth of his body against his while the wind bit his skin with needle sharp teeth. He slipped his hand into Armitage’s pocket and inched closer as they moved around a ridiculous statue of dolphins beside a jetty for one of the many boats that usually travelled up and down the river, transporting tourists and locals who really needed to get somewhere but enjoyed the more scenic route.

Without a word, Armitage put his arm around Poe’s shoulders, pulling him tighter against him as they walked past one of the omnipresent coffee places and finally up a narrow flight of stairs. To his left Poe gazed at the light walls of the Tower and he wished he were more excited by the sight. As it was, none of this seemed real. This was all just a respite. Nothing but a way to pass the time as they waited for a phone call that wouldn’t come until the next day.

They walked in silence. Across the bridge, alongside tall, modern buildings shining silver in the occasional ray of sunlight that managed to peek through the thick cover of clouds, past an ancient and now retired warship, the river now on their right with occasional pebble beaches clearly visible and which would be fully gone once the tide had come fully in.

Armitage didn’t speak, or even look at the art galleries occasionally popping up on their left now. They crossed a road which led towards a massive bridge and only when the ringing of bells emerged so close beside them, Poe’s gaze flew up. He hadn’t even noticed they were next to a church. It was nestled in so closely between the vast office buildings it would’ve easily passed him by. It looked ancient and was probably huge, but looked tiny compared to the buildings crowding in on it. He felt a small pang that had nothing to do with the building or sentiment. “Southwark Cathedral. Want to go inside?” Armitage asked, his voice hoarse.

“Nah,” Poe shrugged, relieved to hear Armitage talking.

“It’s Christmas, you know?”

“Do you want to go inside?”

Armitage shrugged and started walking again. Poe only vaguely registered the 16th century ship nestled between to massive glass-fronted office buildings and followed Armitage along the ship, until his eyes caught onto its name. _Golden Hind_ Poe read, the perfect golden letters making his brain jump to life. “Pirate ship,” he muttered under his breath, as his mind connected the name of the ship with another one. The name of a vicious pirate with the name of Francis Drake. Privateer. Explorer. Slaver.

What would have excited him as a child now made him shudder with disgust. Could he do this? Raise a child and make them feel excited by historical figures and destroy their imaginations just as easily? What would it be like to walk this very same way, past the _Golden Hind_ and into another alleyway leading past a building in ruins? Would they tell them about the adventures these people from the past had had and stop there, dreading to ruin their childhood?

No… no, they wouldn’t do that. Truth and responsibility were just as important as a vivid imagination. And adventure stories were only part of the truth. The bigger picture was often gruesome. And every child needed to learn that.

But the flicker of excitement he’d felt in his chest made him grip the phone in his pocket a bit tighter. This might be one of the last days he and Armitage spend together without a child in their lives… and wasn’t Arthur already in it? Even though they hadn’t even seen him?

“Are you particularly fond of pirates?” Armitage asked, a trace of his sense of humour stealing into his voice now as they strolled over the cobblestone street.

“Not anymore.” Poe shrugged and leaned in closer to Armitage. He was so tired… and Armitage must be too. It was high time they went back to the hotel, but he wasn’t ready. Not ready to leave behind this sense of moving. Of walking. At least it was something to do. “As a kid… yeah, definitely.”

Armitage smiled. “My mother took me to that ship over there. About a month before she died.”

Poe swallowed hard. Armitage rarely spoke of his mother, but when he did, he never quite managed to meet Poe’s eye. But then again, Poe thought, what other day would have brought forward these thoughts? “Is it especially bad today?” he asked, “Missing her?”

With a nod, Armitage passed his hand across his face. “You could say that…” He cleared his throat and turned left once they were out of the alley. Poe couldn’t say he felt differently. His own mother popped up in his head almost every day, but on days like these it was particularly bad.

She would have loved Armitage, Poe told himself although he’d never know. She would have made a good grandmother.

They leaned against a railing overlooking the river. In the far distance to their left Poe spotted the huge white dome of St. Paul’s. And then Armitage leaned against him, his temple resting against Poe’s. “This is all so weird.”

“One way to put it.” Poe whispered, closing his eyes. “So… what are you thinking?”

Armitage was quiet for a while, but not in a way that made Poe feel excluded. He was thinking. Hard. And who could blame him? On a regular day Armitage wasn’t the kind of person to openly speak about their feelings without mulling over his words. “I’m thinking I want to meet my brother,” he said. “I have no idea what he looks like, or where he is right now, but I… I want to do right by him. In any way I can.” He cleared his throat and looked at Poe, his green eyes now glistening with tears. “But… you know, you don’t have to. You can still get out of this mess.”

Poe knew Armitage didn’t need him to respond immediately. And he couldn’t. He reached up and brushed the tears from Armitage’s icy cheek. The wind was worse here somehow, making his ears hurt and his eyes burn. “No way I’m getting out,” he said, forcing a smile. “I said it before, I’ll say it again: thick and thin, Hugs.”

Armitage breath hitched and he returned Poe’s smile while two tears escaped his eyes. “Okay.” He took a long, trembling breath and stood up straight to adjust Poe’s scarf, his gloved hands tracing his jaw ever so slightly, as though terrified of touching more of him. “I’ll take your word for it.” He didn’t look like he did, though. The way he was looking at Poe’s chest, rather than into his eyes was heart breaking. As though, despite everything, he still somehow expected Poe to walk out on him. Just like everyone had.

“You know, Armitage,” Poe said, putting his freezing hands back into Armitage’s coat pockets and pulling him close. Armitage nearly stumbled into his chest. “Would you look at me, please?”

Brows furrowed, Armitage bit his lip, then slowly proceeded to raise his eyes. First to Poe’s chin, then his lips, until they finally met his gaze. More people were on the move now, walking next to them, stopping a few metres away from them to take in the view. But Poe and Armitage ignored them. Their chatter, their laughter, their occasional looks as they passed the couple staring into each other’s eyes like nothing else mattered. “What?”

“Now, don’t laugh, or take me for an asshole or something,” Poe began, watching as Armitage’s lips quivered on the precipice of a smile, “but if you had a uterus and I knocked you up, I wouldn’t leave you either.”

“No, you’d propose, I expect.”

“Good thing I’ve done that already.”

“Yes, that’d be quite pathetic now.” Armitage gave him a real smile now. A small gift, just for him. But then he sighed and Poe put his arms around him so he didn’t get any ideas of putting any distance between them. “Poe, how are we gonna do this? If… if we get to take him home with us?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Poe said, knowing full well they’d need to have answers to these questions, and soon. Probably tomorrow. There was no time to run the numbers thoroughly, but he’d doe it already. He knew what to expect. At least to a certain degree.

“I won’t be able to go to work for a while.”

No… no, he couldn’t. Not when they’d both be adjusting to their new living arrangements. But he’d given it some thought on the flight as Armitage lay shivering in his arms. “You can stay home, if you want. Or I can-“ They wouldn’t be able to go on a big vacation or buy a brand new car, but it would be okay. His salary was enough for the two of them. At least for a while.

“Don’t kid yourself, Principal Dameron.”

Poe snorted. “Fine… fine, you’ll stay home and when you’re ready you come back part time. I earn enough. We can get through this. And my dad is there to help out. He won’t bother us if we don’t want him to, but he’ll be there. He… he said so before we left.” _Anything you and Armitage need._ Those had been his words. And he’d meant it.

Armitage blinked at the tears welling up again in his reddened eyes.

“We can do this. I know we can. The house is big enough and-“ he stopped when Armitage took a long, shuddering breath, his eyes turned up towards the sky. Poe’s words died on his lips. “Armitage, did you even want kids?”

Again, there was no answer. Not for a while. Nothing apart from Armitage’s fingers digging into Poe’s jacket. “Probably… I don’t know… but it doesn’t really matter now.” He sniffed and closed his eyes. “This is gonna happen very soon and now’s not the time to think about what-ifs.” Slowly he looked down at Poe again, his words still hanging in the air like dangerously sharp knives. He nodded once, dulling the blades with that one motion of his head. “We’ve come all this way here… and he needs me. He-“ he broke off as a sob tried to work its way up his throat he fought it back. Poe watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down, shaking Poe to the core. Poe felt as though his chest split open as he watched Armitage unravel slowly but surely before him. “I want to help… in any way I can.”

Poe nodded. For once, he had no idea what to say. Nothing would make this pain go away. Nothing would ease it. Instead, he pulled Armitage towards him and immediately Armitage’s forehead fell against his, their breaths intermingling as they stood their in the cold breeze. They were in this together. And Poe knew that Armitage was starting to accept that at least. And wasn’t that a step in the right direction?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's the last update of the year (I think). Sorry this was so angsty. 
> 
> I tried to do the topic of history and people in it and how perceive them today justice. I hope it shows. It's not an easy topic, and one which I personally find myself confronted with quite a lot, given that I studied Theology and am a teacher for Religious Education. It's a proper subject here in German schools, and I approach it scientifically with my students. 
> 
> Also, I took the opportunity to let Poe and Hux walk along the path my friends and I take whenever we go to London and it made me long to go back there. 
> 
> Enough from me. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know your thoughts, please.
> 
> Also: Happy New Year! See you again in 2021!


	10. Chapter 10

What would his own life had been like, had his father decided not to take him in? Would he have grown up in a place like this? Would he have lived in an ordinary semi-detached cottage at the end of the road, the uneven bricks clearly visible from the outside with plants crawling up the outside wall, only inches away from clawing their way into the windows?

The gravel underneath crunched under their feet as they walked along the narrow garden path. Armitage’s heart beat faster with every step he took. Poe’s hand at the small of his back was a small comfort, but it didn’t manage to keep his own hand from trembling as he held it up to ring the bell next to the crimson doorbell.

At this very moment social workers were already interviewing Kes and inspecting their current home in Anchorhead. Armitage hadn’t even thought of that being a possibility, but Thannisson had made it very clear that early access to their home might be vital in the process. Rose and Finn were probably already well on their way of writing their short essays. His heart throbbed at the thought. Had they even tidied up?

“It’ll be fine,” Poe said.

What a man.

How lucky he was to have Poe by his side. Armitage didn’t know what he would have done these past two days without Poe right here with him. He probably would have hidden at home, trying to ignore the aching pain in his chest as he thought of the boy he should be trying to see at least. Without Poe he would never have had the strength to come here. He doubted he’d have the courage to even consider it. How his life had changed. How _he_ had changed.

He took a step back and let out a long breath. One single white flake danced before his eyes and he looked up at the grey clouds hanging low over this small village just outside the confines of the city.

A home in the countryside. Not a bad place to grow up in, he thought, even as he remembered those first days in Anchorhead and how he’d loathed the lack of shops and restaurants and a cinema. He smiled fleetingly at Poe, who raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What?” They had walked here from the train station and the short walk already resulted in Poe’s cheeks to glow with the cold.

Armitage shook his head and took a deep breath, smelling the first traces of snow. “Nothing,” he whispered.

Behind the door he could make out the sound of approaching feet and Armitage closed his eyes in relief when Poe’s hand slipped into his. How was it that Poe always knew exactly what he needed and when?

The door opened to reveal an incredibly tall woman with platinum blond hair. She appeared to be around their age and put her hands on her hips. Armitage spotted a carpeted staircase leading up to the next floor behind her and from somewhere within the house he could make out the sounds of laughing children and tacky Christmas songs.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hello,” Armitage said as he returned her gaze and his fingers tightened around Poe’s. Her stare was already enough to unsettle him. She didn’t appear unfriendly, but she scrutinized him nonetheless. “I’m Armitage Hux, this is-“

“Your fiancé?” The woman looked at Poe briefly and nodded at him before she stretched out her hand towards Armitage. He hurried to take off his gloves. Her handshake was firm, almost bone-crushing and Armitage was relieved to find it so.

Poe gave her one of his most charming smiles. The one he always showed when meeting a parent in the street. Casual and open, yet not too revealing. “Poe Dameron.”

“Good to meet you two,” she said. “Amelia Phasma. My wife is inside with the kids.”

She stepped to the side to let them both in. More carpet in the entrance way. Armitage immediately felt reminded of his grandmother’s place, though the smell was different. He spotted a cat looming on top of the staircase.

“Here, let me take your coats.”

Mechanically, he slipped out of his wool coat while his eyes roamed the tunnel like hallway. Pictures of landscapes on older couples were lining the low white-washed walls. With a curt nod, he handed his coat to Phasma, who hung it on one of three hooks on the other side of the door along with Poe’s jacket.

“How is he?” Poe asked.

Hux looked up at her, ignoring the way he felt his heart throbbing in his throat when he heard the wailing of a small child in the next room.

“Not too bad,” Amelia said quietly and gestured for Armitage to take the lead.

Toys and an old vacuum cleaner were squeezed into the narrow space underneath the staircase, along with a wild assortment of big and small shoes and a folded-up pram.

His breath hitched in his chest when he finally reached the doorway and climbed the single step into the living room. An old piano, hardwood floor, whitewashed walls, a huge bookcase and a small television. A massive, ancient looking sofa on his right. Two almost identical looking children of about four were sitting on a thick, plush carpet next to it and a baby with flaming red hair sitting upright in front of them, taking the ball one of the girls was giving him with his fat, pudgy hands.

Armitage stood frozen in place, staring at the boy, who wasn’t even paying him any attention. Instead one of the older children squealed, a dark-skinned girl with pig tails and ran towards him. “Hi!” she shouted, “Who are you?”

Armitage swallowed hard, unable to respond, but shuffling to the side to make room for Amelia and Poe.

“I’m Poe! This is Armitage. Who are you?”

Out of the corner of his eye Armitage saw Poe greet the two girls, but his eyes were immediately drawn to the boy again, who was now looking at the ball in his hands with a frown on his little, flushed face.

“I’m Emma!”

“I’m Nele.”

“Such cool names! How old are you?” Poe asked as the boy looked up slowly and Armitage felt like he was hit over the head with a mallet.

 _Same eyes as me,_ he thought breathlessly, forcing himself not to think of the boy as yet another image of Brendol Hux.

“Come on, let’s get you some ice cream!” Amelia said somewhere behind him. “Do you guys want tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee for me if you have it, tea for Armitage? Or is that too much trouble?”

The boy cocked his head, then his little mouth split into a grin and he made a high-pitched noise.

“Not at all. I’ll leave you guys alone for a moment.”

Alone… not really. The woman and her children would stay nearby. They would have to and later report back how he and Poe had behaved towards the child.

_Arthur_ , Armitage reminded himself. _His name is Arthur._

“Hey,” he found himself saying, taking a tentative step towards the child who was still looking up at him. How was he supposed to do this? Had he ever really interacted with a child like this?

Yes. Yes, of course he had. But never alone… He had held them, even changed a nappy for Mitaka’s baby girl once or twice. He was not entirely inept. But this… this was so different. Never had the stakes been this high.

He looked, almost pleadingly at Poe, lost for words and found his own fear mirrored in Poe’s eyes. This was it… such a huge step. “Go on,” Poe whispered, his big warm hand again on his back as he slowly pushed Armitage forward, following him immediately.

And that push was enough to set him in motion.

Arthur looked up at him expectantly, still clutching the little blue ball. Did he even miss his parents? Did he have an inkling that they wouldn’t come back?

The thought almost made him freeze up again, but he balled his hands into fists and sat down, cross-legged in front of him, Poe right there next to him. Their knees touching. “Hi, Arthur,” Armitage whispered and caught the ball now slipping from Arthur’s grasp.

“Hey, kid.” Poe was smiling. Armitage could hear it in his voice, even though he wasn’t looking at him. He only had eyes for the child now staring at Poe with wide open pale green eyes.

“Is this yours?” Armitage held up the ball, desperate to capture Arthur’s attention, but Arthur didn’t look at him, but kept his gaze focused on Poe instead. “Yes,” Armitage sighed. “Yes, I know he’s prettier than me.”

Poe laughed out loud, the pitch in his voice the only way Armitage could tell he was just as nervous. “Armitage is a bit silly,” Poe said in an even higher pitch, producing a pleased laugh from Arthur, followed by an uncontrolled raspberry, to which Poe immediately responded by blowing a raspberry himself.

With a sigh, Armitage let his hands with the ball still clutched tightly in between them fall into his lap. So this was it then. He was no good at this. A failure. The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach made his eyes prickle and he clutched the ball even tighter. How did you even do this? Why hadn’t he at least tried to read an article about this sort of thing? Something, anything would have helped right now.

_Useless._

_Pathetic._

“Jake said you haven’t met before?”

Armitage looked up tentatively and watched as Amelia returned, carrying two mugs and followed by a black woman in elegant jeans who was balancing a tray with two more mugs, a jug of milk and a bowl of sugar. She was tall, although not as tall as Amelia and it took Armitage a moment before he remembered the names Thannisson had given them. Amelia and Lucy Phasma. He swallowed hard and shook his head. “No,” he answered as Lucy and Amelia sat down on the couch.

He held back a sigh and stared at Arthur, who finally returned his gaze. Tentatively Armitage stretched out the ball to him.

His father’s son.

This was the child who was supposed to replace him.

And yet, he couldn’t find it in him to resent him. All he felt was that aching pain in his chest. “No, we’ve never met, have we?”

He watched as Lucy picked Arthur up and sat with him on his lap, putting some distance between Armitage and his little brother. “Jake told us a bit about you,” Amelia said. “I’ve never even heard of Anchorhead.”

“It’s not exactly huge,” Poe said beside him. “Just a small town with a bit of farmland and a small harbour.”

Armitage kept looking at Arthur who was now leaning back against Lucy’s chest, reaching for a strand of her long, curly hair. Lucy laughed and pressed her lips to Arthur’s temple. Arthur had only been here for two days and already he was accepting this. Was this normal? Should he have done this?

“Do you want to sit with me?” Lucy asked, catching his eye and Poe leaned against the couch at the same time, focused on Amelia instead.

“Do you foster children often?”

Armitage nodded tentatively at the same time as Amelia answered, she and Poe starting up a conversation as Armitage slowly came to his feet to sit down on the very soft sofa, right next to Lucy.

“Sometimes. Jake called us on Christmas Eve, telling us what had happened. We couldn’t say no.”

Lucy smiled at him briefly. “Your brother is a really nice kid, you know,” she said quietly while Amelia moved the mugs around so each of the adults had a mug in front of them, but Armitage couldn’t look at the mugs, or at Amelia or Lucy. He only had eyes for the child.

He would fail, he thought, staring down at the boy whose eyes were still fixed on Poe. Surely he would. Hadn’t the first few moments already proven that he was no good at this?

“Usually the kids stay with us for a couple of months, but who knows… the court procedures take forever most of the time, but we’re used to it. Usually the kids we take in haven’t lost both their parents at the same time.”

Without further ado, Lucy scootched closer and carefully placed Arthur unceremoniously in his lap. “Just relax.” She touched his shoulder ever so lightly, a small nudge urging him to take it easy.

But how could he?

“You’re pretty used to people being extra nervous, huh?” Poe was smiling again, while Armitage felt the weight of the boy settle into his lap, the small warm back leaning against his stomach, the ginger head resting against his chest.

“Good guess,” Lucy laughed and Armitage briefly looked up at Poe to find his eyes focused on him and only him.

His hand was slowly trembling as he put it on Arthur’s stomach, holding the boy steady and he closed his eyes, allowing the boy’s warmth to seep into him. This was so weird. He felt as though his body didn’t even belong to him. As though this whole experience was completely out oh place in his life. His father’s son. The other one. The one his father had tried to rub in his face. And yet, Armitage didn’t feel inferior to this perfect little human being in his lap. He couldn’t. He didn’t even feel the pity he had expected, or the guilt of not having though about him in months.

But what was it then?

It wasn’t nothing. That was the one certainty he had at that moment.

“He’s really tired. He’s just had lunch,” Amelia said.

Armitage swallowed hard and nodded. “I-“ he began, and broke off. What should he even say? Should he thank these two for what they had done? Should he give Arthur back to Lucy? Or offer him to Poe? What did you even do?

“Thanks for the coffee,” Poe said, taking a sip and then getting up to settle down next to Armitage, their legs perfectly aligned.

Amelia nodded. “No problem.”

“You have two kids of your own then?” Poe asked, putting an arm around Armitage’s shoulders and immediately some of the tension left his body. Arthur was so warm against him. So small in his arms.

He should go. Go now and not come back before he screwed this up as well. But the thought passed quickly enough. Poe squeezed his shoulder and Armitage looked up at him to find Poe nodding reassuringly at him.

“Yep… one set of twins is enough when you foster children as well.”

Arthur leaned his head back even further, his large green eyes looking for Poe again and he stretched out his arm. Only now did Armitage see the little ball in Poe’s hand.

“He’s really fond of that thing,” Armitage muttered as Arthur tentatively started leaning towards the left and he instinctively held the boy with both of his hands to keep him from toppling over. How fragile he was. Fragile and in need of help.

Poe leaned closer and placed the ball carefully in Arthur’s hand. Laughing again, Arthur leaned back again, almost slamming his head against Armitage’s chest as he tried fitting the little plastic thing almost the size of his own head into his mouth. Carefully, terrified of doing something wrong, Armitage reached up to brush his fingertips over the thin layer of silky red hair. Had he looked like this once, he wondered, tears shooting into his eyes.

He cleared his throat and blinked hard.

“You know,” Amelia said, “this doesn’t look too bad.”

Armitage looked up at her. She was standing up again, moving towards the end of the room which Armitage hadn’t even registered yet. It led out into a small conservatory.

“I’m gonna get some mince pies. Lucy, care to help me?”

Lucy god up without another word, merely patted Armitage’s leg and followed her wife back towards the conservatory and then to the right from where the soft clanking of spoons and the occasional giggle could be heard.

“No,” Poe whispered into his ear, making Armitage’s head snap around. “Doesn’t look too bad at all.” He was smiling, his eyes warm, his cheeks almost flushed. “And the little guy doesn’t seem to hate you. Not a bad start, wouldn’t you say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: Happy New Year! 
> 
> Today we met Arthur. Everyone's a bit on edge. There will be another Arthur centred chapter coming around very soon, sprinkled with a bit of angst. Whoopsie!


	11. Chapter 11

It was getting dark by the time they arrived back in the centre of London and were nearing their hotel. Poe could barely tell the difference of the buildings on either side of the road, the only clear distinction being the various shop windows, all illuminated and decorated according to the season.

Snow was falling in earnest now, covering up their footsteps on the pavement and not for the first time, Poe really envied Armitage for those damn gloves. He was looking far more relaxed than he had these past few days. His jaw wasn’t as tense, his shoulders almost sagging as they walked along in companionable silence. They hadn’t spoken much on their way back to the train station or on the ride back into the city. The whole time Armitage’s gaze had been fixed on the landscape which quickly morphed into more populated areas until the smaller houses were swallowed up by factories big apartment buildings and office blocks, until they finally arrived back at the train station close to their hotel.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Armitage gave him a barely visible smile. They weren’t far from their hotel now, which was situated in a nearby side road. “Thank you.”

“Didn’t know what else I would’ve done with myself otherwise.”

The remark drew a real smile from Armitage now. It almost resembled the one he had shown Arthur before leaving the house. “Let’s go to a pub or something,” Armitage finally said, hands in his pocket. “I’m hungry.”

Armitage rarely ever said that, and he hadn’t spoken at all about food once since the cop had appeared at their doorstep. Poe had felt like he needed to shove food at Armitage by the pound, hoping some of it wound end up in his stomach. “There’s one a bit further down the road, I guess.”

“Yes.” Armitage stood there, unmoving, the collar turned up against the cold wind as he looked intently at Poe, his eyes filled with an emotion Poe couldn’t quite place. He took a tentative step towards Armitage, for the first time in days feeling as though the walls around Armitage were starting to collapse, the cracks showing clearly. There were only traces of shock left in his demeanour. How long would it take for them to fall off as well?

Poe felt his chest expand as he slipped his arm through Armitage’s and started pulling him along the road. “I wish I’d dared ask about taking a picture,” he said, feeling a twinge of anxiety in his chest despite the cusp of bravery now apparent in Armitage.

“To show around?” Armitage looked down at him along his straight nose. Ahead the lights of the pub were already shining brightly in the swirling snow. “That would hardly have been appropriate.”

“You’re trying to tell me I’m too rash?”

“Maybe.” Armitage sighed, pushed past the two men smoking outside the old-fashioned door and held it open for Poe. “I’d say you’re too eager for things to work out perfectly.”

“I’m the optimist in the relationship, I thought we’d settled on that being true at least.” The room they entered was dimly lit, more than half the tables occupied, hundreds of fairly lights and the tall Christmas tree by the bar only barely adding to the feeling of comfortable dinginess. The dark wall panels looked exactly like that of every other pub he had entered in this country so far. He remembered the last time he’d been here and how he had spent two days hanging out in a pub just like this then, desperate to pick up a gorgeous man. One he’d spotted and was aching to get to know, if only for a fling. To no avail. The guy with the beautiful shock of blond hair didn’t even look at Poe twice.

“Lost in thought?” Armitage asked, working the gloves off his slender fingers.

“Lost in memories more like.” Poe shrugged and, tugging the scarf from around his neck approached the bar to take a look at the food they were offering. He was hungry, yes, though he didn’t exactly know what he wanted to eat and he was completely taken aback by the speed with which the barkeeper was in front of him.

“What can I get you?” he asked, grey eyes looking almost bored as he threw a clean white kitchen towel over his shoulder as though the bar wasn’t stereotypical enough.

“Chips, please,” Armitage said beside him. “One massive portion for me.”

Poe nodded after a moment, remembering that chips were something different here. One bag of chips wouldn’t have been nearly enough. “Sounds good,” he said. “Same for me. And a glass of Guinness.”

The barman nodded disgruntled. “Two?”

“Yes, thank you. We’ll be over there.” Armitage said, pointing towards a table right next to one of the windows which had just been vacated by a couple now heading towards the door. He took out his wallet, counting the bills as Poe watched him with his eyes wide open. Armitage’s cheeks were flushed, but he wasn’t returning Poe’s gaze. Not as he paid. Not as he took the two huge glasses from the barman and carried them towards the table.

“Gimme a coke, too,” Poe said, eyes following Armitage to the table. “Another pint.”

With a raised eyebrow, the man started filling another massive glass and slammed it on the table. “Food’ll be right up.”

Nodding, Poe picked up the glass, his heart drumming. “You-“ he began as he reached the table and slid the glass of coke right in the middle, but Armitage’s cool gaze shut him up before he’d even said what was on his mind. _You don_ _’_ _t drink_.

Never, not once had Poe seen Armitage consume as much as a truffle with liquor inside. To see the pint of dark beer now standing in front of him, made his stomach churn. Swallowing hard, he pulled one of the glasses towards himself and held it out to Armitage. Armitage shrugged out of his woollen coat to reveal his blue knitted pullover, the colour of which had been almost exactly matched with the onesie Arthur had been wearing. He doubted Armitage had even noticed.

Armitage’s eyes drifted from the glass in Poe’s hand to the one standing right in front of him and nodded. “Cheers,” he said, clinking it once against Poe’s and taking a tentative sip, which made Poe’s stomach coil into a tight knot. They’d never talked about it, but Poe had little doubt the fact that Armitage neither grew a beard or drank was because of his father. To see him lifting a glass to his lips now was devastating, the sight enough to make him feel like Armitage had punched a hole right through his chest.

When he lowered the glass, Armitage pulled a face and shuddered. “Well, this is disgusting.” He smacked his lips and set the glass down again, avoiding Poe’s gaze, instead training his eyes on the street outside. There wasn’t much to be seen, but the reddened ears suggested that at least that was better than facing Poe.

Letting out a long huff, Poe shrugged out of his jacket and placed it over the third stool on which Armitage’s coat already lay.

“That cardigan is ridiculous.”

“Are you done?” Poe did his best to push back the anger now starting to flare up at him like a white hot flame as he clutched his own glass.

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Armitage threw him a quick glance, before returning his attention back to the street. “Uncalled for?” he prompted and Poe nodded briefly, knowing full well he could wait years for the apology.

He sipped at his own beer and casually looked down at himself. Jeans, a white T-shirt and his only truly warm cardigan. Maybe the pattern was a bit much, with white and blue and red, but he liked it.

Finn had given it to him shortly after their breakup. It had almost felt like an apology and Poe had never before put it on. And yet he didn’t find it in him to reprimand Armitage even further. He might not be nervous anymore, but the edge hadn’t vanished yet and Poe doubted it would do so any time soon. Time to let him stew for a bit, he decided and took out his phone. His father hadn’t called, but the message he’d sent was all he needed. “Dad says the visit went okay. They took a look at the barn as well.”

An amused scoff was the first answer and Poe looked up tentatively. Armitage was still casually holding the glass of Guinness, but so far he hadn’t taken another sip. “We should start calling it a house, don’t you think? It’s hardly a barn anymore.” There was a trace of the old warmth in his voice again, which slightly softened the tight knot in his stomach.

“You got a point there, Hugs.” Poe took another gulp of beer, his eyes shifting back to his phone screen. “They talked to him for about an hour apparently, but the two guys were pretty nice apparently.”

Armitage grunted once, then reached for the glass of coke standing right between them again. “When do you think Thannisson will call again?”

Poe shrugged, trying to hide his relief at Armitage pushing the beer towards him now. “Tomorrow, I expect? That is, if Rey and Finn submit their letters until then.”

“Madness.” Armitage took a sip of coke and his green eyes darted across the pub. Wary. Tired. “Here comes the food.”

“What’s madness?” Poe asked once the waiter was gone and they each had a plate with fries in front of them. “That you call fries chips?”

Armitage’s mouth twitched up into a thin smile. “That we are waiting for people to write essays about our ability to be parents.”

“Yes… well, that _is_ madness.” He put the first fry into his mouth, revelling the salty fattiness and leaned back in his chair. Armitage wasn’t frowning exactly, but his brows were pulled together ever so slightly as he looked out of the window. In the dim light his cheekbones cast soft shadows on his skin, making him look older and thinner than he was. “You were good with him,” Poe said quietly. “Maybe a bit shy, but that’s to be expected.”

The green eyes flickered to him for a moment and another smile, this time a real one, made Armitage’s face light up for a moment. “He liked you better, though. No surprise there.”

They looked at each other for a moment, Poe’s heart throbbing painfully in his chest until Armitage looked down at his plate again and his elegant fingers twirled the fork between them like a baton.

“You like me better, too,” Poe chanced at another mild joke and he caught Armitage grinning at his plate.

“I like you better than I like myself? That’s what you’re saying? Well, you are pretty full of _your_ self, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Maybe.” Poe looked at Armitage, watched him sprinkle his chips with vinegar and then reach for the ketchup bottle. Everything to avoid eating, by the looks of it. It was easy to slip into their usual flirty banter. It was comfortable and familiar territroy and Poe wanted to stay there. To eat and be in here for a while and later take Armitage to bed and make him come apart. It wouldn’t be the worst of times. It really wouldn’t. But it would mean avoiding the real talk, just like Armitage was avoiding his food. “Armitage, you can’t expect things to be perfect upon your first meeting.”

“No.” He paused, frowning first at his plate, then at Poe. “I am aware.”

“Good. This is gonna take time.”

“Yes, Poe.”

Poe sighed and passed his hand over his face. He loved this man. Loved him so much it hurt sometimes, but there were occasions when he was at a complete loss for words. Yes, things had improved. Yes, this happened less and less, but whenever Armitage felt cornered in any way, his words assumed that snappish undertone. “Fine,” he muttered, picking up another fry. “Just saying.” He cocked his eyebrow, then looked down at his own plate. “I liked how the two of you looked together.” And why did saying this hurt all of a sudden? How did it a statement such as this make his chest ache like he’d been punched there.

They ate in silence for a while, the ease with which they had spoken outside gone like a gust of wind. When Poe had finished his food and he looked up at Armitage, he felt his heart sink. Armitage had, at the very least, cleaned his own plate, but he was staring out of the window again, his eyes glassy with tears.

“What?” Poe prompted softly, regretting his harsh silence immediately. He slowly stretched out his hand, palm up. An offer that Armitage didn’t have to take if he didn’t want to.

“I-“ Armitage took a while to find the words, his chest expanding as he breathed heavily. And then, quite suddenly, he grabbed Poe’s hand, his thumb circling Poe’s with determination. “What if they don’t let us take him home with us, because I’m no good for him.” Not a question. A statement. An admission of fear.

 _What makes you say that?_ Poe wanted to ask. But he didn’t. He knew exactly what made Armitage think these things sometimes. He pushed his plate aside and leaned in closer. Pressing Armitage’s hand to his mouth. The skin felt cool. Much too cool for the warmth inside this place. “What could possibly make them think that?” he asked instead, catching Armitage’s fluttering gaze.

“I-“ Armitage said again and broke off. He bit his lip and looked outside again.

“Alright, let’s look at this logically, okay?” Poe took a deep breath. Armitage was a logical man if nothing else. Sensibility being the first thing Poe had noticed about his character. Well, and his determination. And his urge to keep the world at bay despite him being loving and caring and kind and funny and so many other things. “You are an educator. You left everything behind here to take a steady job, never mind the reasons why you left, nobody could possibly know about those. You don’t only teach your subjects, you also teach drama. In your free time, mind you. You’re in a steady relationship with the handsome Principal of a school, heck you’re even getting married to him.” Armitage smiled at him through the veil of tears at this. His red hair was falling gently into his forehead and Poe felt the urge to reach out and push them away. Just to be able to touch his skin and because he knew Armitage preferred it that way. “We’re getting married. We live in a house. You and I, we have great friends. You’re his only surviving blood relative, and everyone who looks at little Arthur’s past will _know_ he’s better off with us. We wouldn’t fly halfway around the world and just leave him with a babysitter just for work. We wouldn’t-“

Armitage’s sniff interrupted him. A sound that made the aching in his chest feel even worse and for entirely different reasons. “Can we get out of here?”

“Sure.” Poe drained his glass and came to his feet, his balance slightly off-centre as he stood. Immediately he felt the need to apologize, but Armitage was in front of him before he could bring the word out, cupping his cheeks, his mouth pressed firmly against his. “So what’s this?” Poe mumbled, tasting the fries on Armitage’s breath.

“I love you, Poe Dameron. Tell me more.”

“Tell you more? About what?”

“About us.” Armitage took a deep breath, then he buried his nose in Poe’s hair. His long arms were around him, the pressure gentle but determined. “You and me. Please.”

Poe nodded, fully aware of the aching growing in his abdomen now. Such a bad idea. He patted Armitage’s chest instead and nodded at him. “Are you trying to wind me up?”

“Yes.”

Poe bit his lip and reached for his scarf. “Let’s get back to the hotel, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have very little to say about this chapter, only that it was really weird writing about two people in a pub just sitting there, ordering food, sharing a pint. What strange times we live in.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading and special thanks to Sola for planting that picture of Poe and Hux in knitted sweaters in my head.
> 
> As usual comments are always welcome and greatly appreciated.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. There be smut. Lots of smut and comfort and tears.

Armitage’s arm was around his shoulders, holding him in place the entire way back to the hotel, his hip suggestively meeting his side every other step. As though he wasn’t doing it on purpose. As though Armitage didn’t know what effect it had on Poe when he leaned his forehead against his temple, his warm breath stroking his cheek like a feather as they walked through the snowy street.

“So I guess now that you paid for dinner and taken me on a trip across the Atlantic you expect me to be easy prey?” Poe asked as they drew closer to their hotel and his eyes travelled up the pompous entrance behind which a mediocre hotel was waiting for them. It wasn’t much, but it was relatively cheap and had an en-suite bathroom, something he’d ignored the first time he had been here.

A gloved finger trailed up his other cheek as Armitage’s lips brushed against his temple. “Prey… what a mean word.”

“Which would you prefer to use instead?”

“I want to fuck you,” Armitage muttered, the penultimate word sending a jolt through Poe. Armitage rarely used it, but when he did it rarely sounded as sensual as it did right now. Swallowing hard, Poe came to a halt and grabbed Armitage’s coat.

“You do?”

“Hm.” Armitage grinned slightly, his eyes warm. “I’m a bit drunk, so I hope you’ll forgive me for the use of that one word.”

“You had one sip of beer.”

“Will you shut up? Give me this.”

Laughing, Poe pulled him closer, kissing him briefly on chin, determined to avoid his lips, just to see where this would go.

“You evil man,” Armitage hissed as Poe’s mouth brushed over his jaw and down his neck, his hands unbuttoning the coat easily enough. “Can’t you at least wait until we’re inside- ah.”

Poe didn’t look up, but he knew that Armitage had his eyes closed and he felt him rocking against him, felt the promising pressure against his abdomen. “Yeah, let’s do that,” Poe said, the short burst of laughter barely contained. “Let’s go upstairs.”

“Yes.”

Poe bit his lip and reached for Armitage’s collar.

“It’s warm in there, isn’t it?”

“So very warm.” Poe nodded. “Downright hot sometimes.”

Armitage hummed, the skin of his throat vibrating with the sound when Poe drew his lips over his pulse point. And then Armitage’s hands were in his hair, pulling up his face to kiss Poe properly now. Greedy as ever and Poe didn’t mind. Not for now. He threw his plans of making Armitage beg for his kiss overboard as easily as they had come to him and instead slipped his hands under his coat, cupping his ass cheeks and giving them a little squeeze, evoking a low gasp from Armitage.

And then Poe let him go. Just like that. He took a step back, holding Armitage’s gaze with a raised eyebrow. “You comin’?”

He didn’t have to wait long. Armitage was on his trail the second Poe took the first step leading up into the foyer with a disgruntled looking concierge behind the counter. He heard Armitage mutter a short greeting before they were at the staircase. Fully aware, that Armitage was barely a foot behind him as he rushed up the stairs, his heart drumming in his chest as he felt Armitage’s fingertips brushing up his thigh once they reached their landing.

“You want me to kick you in the shins?” Poe barely noticed the murky smell of corridor anymore.

“Would you do that?” Armitage breathed down his neck. He was so close to him now, Poe could feel his presence looming up behind him. “Kick me?”

“Shut up, I’m not thinking straight.”

A soft chuckle and Poe felt Armitage’s finger slip into the back pocket of his jeans as they walked along the blue carpeted, twisting corridor, to their room. “I guess I know where all the blood is right now, Principal Dameron.”

Poe swallowed hard as he fumbled for the key card he had put into his pocket. It took him a few tries to open the thin, brown door.

“I like it when you’re impatient like this,” Armitage whispered again, his voice deeper now and he went ahead into their small room. It was just a double bed, one small bathroom and a window overlooking the road with a desk underneath.

“When did you start being this talkative.” Laughing, Poe ripped off his scarf and threw it over the single chair in their room. “I-“ he broke off when Armitage held up his hand and he approached him slowly, eyes trained on his.

“I’m gonna shut up, I swear. Just… let me do this.” His fingertips brushed over the zipper of his jacket before pulling it down and pushing it over Poe’s shoulders. Those eyes were so dark now, still glinting with desire, his nose reddened from the cold.

“Okay,” Poe breathed, never once looking away from Armitage, who put a gloved finger to Poe’s lips and took a step back. “Do you-“

“No, please.” Armitage didn’t need to say anything else. Things were alright, he told himself. Armitage wasn’t hurting as badly anymore. The pain was still there, but it wasn’t overwhelming. The insecurity would probably never leave him, it was part of who he was, but at least Armitage let him in again. Allowed Poe’s attempts at comfort to seep into his soul. That wasn’t all bad.

Poe watched in amazement as Armitage slipped off his gloves first and carefully placed them on the small desk. Poe’s eyes lingered on them for a brief moment, before turning back to Armitage again, who was already halfway out of his coat. “Hugs…” he said, but Armitage’s eyes told him to be quiet. To leave him be, and, as usual, Poe did, transfixed by the slow and deliberate motions with which Armitage folded up his precious coat, took off his socks, then that beautifully soft pullover.

Poe’s eyes travelled over the map of freckles and scars, his heart in his throat. Armitage was moving with breath taking determination. He’d never been too shy, but there had been a few hesitations during their first encounters. Some barriers that Armitage had kept up even in bed. Taking off his clothes in front of Poe without saying a word was thrilling to watch and Poe had to grab the desk behind him tightly so as not to walk up to Armitage and throw him on the bed. Armitage wouldn’t want that. Not right now anyway.

Armitage shoved down his own jeans and underpants in one sweep movement, his cock springing free, and he was teetering for balance for a moment as he struggled to get out of the jeans legs. Smiling, Poe’s eyes wandered down Armitage’s body, which had become more familiar than his own over the past year, and, finally, he dared stretch out his hand towards Armitage, pulling him in. Their noses were touching, lips on the verge of following suit. But not yet. Not quite.

“What do you want to do with me now?” Poe asked, teasingly, eyes closed as he let his hands wander up the soft skin of Armitage’s sides.

“You’re next,” whispered Armitage, kissing the corner of Poe’s mouth and already he was pulling the shirt out of Poe’s pants, his thumbs grazing over his skin with gentle pressure.

“And then?”

Armitage let out a sigh. “You know, I can’t do this,” Armitage whispered into his ear and Poe felt the trembling breath tickling his skin.

“Talk dirty? Well, you say the f-word quite a lot.”

The glint of amusement in Armitage’s eyes made his heart miss a beat. That smile… that gorgeous smile. It was enough to make him want to kiss him senseless most days. “Which one?”

Poe laughed softly, throwing back his head as Armitage’s hands pushed up his legs, seating him on the desk and spreading his knees apart so Armitage could settle there, his cock hard against Poe’s thigh. “Oh, God, it’s been too long.”

“It’s only been a few days, Dameron,” Armitage replied, the hot breath against Poe’s neck, which was quickly replaced by his lips, sucking gently. Not bad enough to leave a mark, but perfect in the way his tongue slid over his skin. At exactly the right place.

Gasping, Poe buried his hands in Armitage’s hair, pulling him a bit closer, trying to turn his head. “Kiss me.”

“Already?”

“For God’s sake, don’t make me beg.”

“A very appealing notion.”

“Hugs…”

Armitage shook his head and withdrew his head. “Would you please give me a moment?”

“Jerk.”

Armitage laughed and Poe couldn’t help but join in. “Love you too,” Armitage grinned and bent over to take off Poe’s shoes, followed directly by his socks. And Poe let him once again, watching in fascination as Armitage stripped him off his clothes as diligently as he had undressed himself a few moments ago. His fingers barely grazing Poe’s skin, his eyes fixed on Poe’s while folding up Poe’s clothes without too much fuss. “That cardigan is ridiculous, though.”

“I like it.”

Armitage cocked his head. Poe was naked in front of him, sitting with his legs spread wide on the narrow desk and the glint of triumph in his eyes, made Poe’s toes curl up in anticipation.

“Don’t take your time with me,” Poe said hoarsely.

A devious grin spread over Armitage’s face then and for a second Poe couldn’t help but wonder if he could die happy like this. With Armitage looking at him like he was the biggest prize he’d ever won, his eyes flaming with desire and warmth, Armitage’s body flush against his a mere moment later. Poe wrapped his arms about his shoulders, pulling their faces together so he could kiss him, to nip at his bottom lip as Armitage ground against him with exactly the right amount of pressure, Armitage’s hand travelling down and starting to take both of their cocks into his hand, his thumb grazing over his tip. And it took Poe just about ten seconds of this, before he knew that he wouldn’t last long. Moaning loudly, he held on tight to Armitage, his heart thumping wildly and in time with Armitage’s strokes. In time with Armitage’s heavy breathing and his tongue greedily taking over his mouth.

Gasping for air, he wrapped his legs around Armitage’s hips, telling himself there’d be time for more. They had all night. They might have all of the next day to melt into each other.

“You’re so beautiful,” Armitage rasped into his mouth, his voice so low Poe could barely make it. “How do I deserve you.”

Poe came, unable to stop a loud groan escaping his lips, his legs spasming around Armitage, pulling him even closer and a moment later, Armitage buried his face in Poe’s neck, shuddering, his breath hitched. And then he let go of their cocks, wrapping Poe fully in his arms, trailing kisses down his neck.

For another few minutes they remained like this, holding each other tight, their bodies flush against each other, their breathing only slowly calming down. Poe felt the trickle of something wet on his shoulder and he was so familiar with them… so achingly familiar with Armitage’s tears. Carefully, he placed one of his hands on Armitage’s neck, his fingertips only brushing against his hair. “Let’s go to bed.”

Armitage took a step back, pulling Poe with him and off the desk. Somehow, their limbs entangled, stumbling awkwardly, thye made their way to the bed and Poe followed Armitage’s lead, brushing the hair out of his face. The pillows were thin, the duvet smelled oddly of mothballs, but Poe didn’t care. Armitage’s eyes weren’t sad, but every once in a while Poe watched a tear make its way to the surface and his heart contracted every time he saw it until his own eyes started burning.

“Hey you’re crying,” Armitage said, his voice slightly muffled by his tears.

“You’re crying.”

Armitage put his head on his Poe’s arms. Their noses were touching. “Was this okay for you?”

Smiling, through his tears, Poe pushed his hand through Armitage’s hair and nodded. “Every single time with you is perfect.” He took a deep breath and put his hand on Armitage’s chest, his thumb gently stroking over his nipple. “I can’t wait to share the rest of my life with you. To us having a family.”

Armitage’s hand brushed over his face, wiping away the tears. “We’ll be a family.” It was more of a question than a statement, and again Poe could make out the fear in his voice. He knew that wouldn’t go away either. Not for a while.

It wasn’t as though Poe knew much about kids, he knew so little, but other people had done it before, so it couldn’t be witch work, could it? “We’ll be a family,” Poe said, sitting up a bit and taking Armitage’s hand to hold it against his chest. “We’ll be a family and we’ll be great at it and that’ll be the biggest screw you to your father.”

The snort wasn’t entirely unprecedented, but it made Poe grin a bit himself.

“He’d be so mad knowing what we’re planning.”

“Yeah, he would be…” Poe lifted Armitage’s hand to kiss his knuckles. “How did it feel for you? To hold him like that?”

Armitage turned on his back to look up at the stained ceiling, his expression unreadable for a moment as his mind worked feverishly to find the right words. “So strange,” he said then. “I felt like a total asshole for wanting him to like me and like a complete loser when he wouldn’t.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No, I know.” After another few silent moments, Armitage’s eyes returned to Poe. “He’s so tiny… and so warm and… you know, when he leaned his head against my chest I felt… I felt like.” Shaking his head, he smiled briefly, his eyes wide in surprise. “Like I wanted to take him home with me.” The words hung in the air for a moment. “Because I want him to be okay, and I want him to grow up with a great father like you’ll be.”

“Now you’re making me blush.” Poe shifted his weight, leaning over Armitage, his leg entangled with his. “That’s what I thought too. You two look great together. That’s what I thought. And you were so… so careful vulnerable around him, so desperate for him to like you. That’s when I knew… I know we can do this. And I need you to stop worrying about it and be gloomy and sad.”

“I can’t promise that’ll happen anytime soon.”

Poe nodded. “Yeah, I know. But-“ A shrill ringing made him break off mid-sentence and Armitage pushed him off him, nearly jumping out of the bed and hurrying over to the small desk where is phone was ringing.

Hastily Armitage rummaged through his pockets before he picked up the phone. “Yeah. Hello?” His eyes fluttered to Poe and after about five seconds, he closed his eyes. “Yes.”

Tentatively Poe followed him, walking over to the desk, at which Armitage was leaning, eyes on Poe with an unreadable expression. His jaw was set, his brows knit together as he looked at Poe and not at him at all.

“Yes, I understand…” he swallowed hard and reached into the pocket of his coat again, pulling out a business card. Poe recognized it at the one Thannisson had given them. “Yes, alright. No, I know one. I’m going to have him email you the results. Okay… yes. Thank you.” He took a deep, shuddering breath when he hung up and next second, he clung to Poe.

“What is it?”

“Thannisson.”

Poe gulped and nodded, staring at the striped curtain barring the view out of the window. What an ugly piece of fabric. “I figured as much.”

“He told me Rey’s and Finn’s letters and the evaluation from the social workers are promising. We should make an appointment with a GP as soon as possible. Apparently, the judge is in favour of us taking him home even now. Even before the adoption is complete. We can take him home with us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this too much? I don't know. I figured it was high time I earned the E-Rating.
> 
> And, yes, this thing with Arthur is happening REALLY quickly. I totally agree. But then again, it's good to have him out of the foster care system as quickly as possible, right? And the preliminary investigation looks promising enough.
> 
> Hope you guys are alright and liked this chapter enough to leave a comment


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning at the end.

This was probably a bad idea.

No, not just probably. It was. But after breakfast and their visit to his old GP, Armitage had to ask. He had to come here, at least once. Just to look at it. He didn’t go closer, but chose to look at the grandeur of it from the other side of the road.

A tall, Victorian building with high arches at the front, with its many windows, posters of the current company on the side of it and the familiar sign right above the entrance made his heart beat faster. He was grateful for the paper cup he was holding. Just to have something to do while he stared and fought for breath.

“Pretty nice place,” Poe murmured, sipping his coffee. “Are you sure you don’t at least want me to try and get us tickets?”

Armitage shook his head. “No,” he whispered hoarsely as he closed his other hand around the cup as well. “I didn’t know I missed this place so much.”

“I did.” Poe sighed and for a moment Armitage thought he was going to take his hand, but instead Poe just put his hand in his jacket pocket. “You still play those songs over and over and it breaks my heart.” He paused and Armitage felt his gaze lingering on him. “Would you go back if you had the chance?”

The question didn’t come unexpectedly. Ever since this whole thing had started Armitage had wondered when Poe would ask it. Poe was not a stupid man. He was not delusional either, and the fact that it had taken Poe so long to ask only showed how afraid he was. Somehow that fear made it easy to answer. “No,” Armitage said. “No, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.”

“What if you could?”

Armitage took his first sip of lukewarm tea as he frowned at the greyish brown façade, memories welling up inside him. Just flashes of the dressing room, of the backstage area, the studio where they had worked on the choreography, the water bottle with his name scrawled on it. Every single one of those images gave him a stab, but it hardly mattered. The pain had grown dull, and it was a relief to feel the pain and know that it had already faded. This wasn’t his life anymore. “It took me years to get that part. Years of training and stress and I loved every single moment of being on that stage. Of singing and of seeing how the hard work paid off.” He let out a sigh and ripped his gaze away from the theatre. It had been taken from him in one swift sweep, and that had been the part that hurt the most. That it hadn’t been his choice. “And I hated being in Anchorhead for the first few weeks.” Poe didn’t flinch away. He knew that too. “But… I never, in all my life, had a pet. Before I always had to worry about getting a new engagement, because when you’re lucky, you’d get a six-month contract, but most contracts I had were for three months. I hated auditions and waiting for a call…That all kind of-“ he broke off and pushed his hand through his hair. A door at the side of the theatre opened and a familiar profile exited the building. Summer. She’d played Christine alongside him about a year ago. She was one of the lucky few who had really made it. He looked up at the dome looming on top of the theatre where most of the really old props were stored and he turned away, throwing an arm around Poe as he went and pulling him along with him. He didn’t want to see Summer, or have her tell Mitaka that he was in town.

“Kind of…” Poe prompted, looking up at him. He looked tired. Exhausted even. They hadn’t really slept that night.

Armitage shook his head. “Being up there on stage, about to sing the first few lines… that’s incredible. It’s almost like being high.” Smiling he kissed Poe’s temples. He was tired as well, but he liked Poe’s hooded eyes gazing up at him like this. Like he was the only person of consequence in his life. “Being high isn’t everything, though… and I couldn’t have you by my side. That would suck, too.”

Poe laughed and put his arm around Armitage’s waist, his hand holding him tight. No, Armitage missed this, he missed this place and the people, but he wouldn’t go back.

“My life is good the way it is,” Armitage said, “and sometimes I think the lack of attention and applause is doing me some good.”

“Nah, you’re still an arrogant jerk sometimes.”

The next few days saw them tumbling from one appointment to hours and half-days spent with nothing to do and then back to another phone call or interview. Both Poe and Armitage were on edge, neither one of them patient enough to do anything but walk around town without ever going into one tourist attractions. They didn’t see Arthur again. They didn’t talk to Lucy or Amelia. They didn’t buy any of the things they might need, because who could say if things didn’t go south after all.

The nights were spent in tight embraces, whispered words and assurances as Armitage clung to him, while his father’s ashes arrived in town and with it an e-mail from Solo, telling him when the funeral would be held and asking if he’d be there. Of course, First Order would pay for the flight… Solo didn’t even know they were here.

The moment the e-mail arrived, Armitage wasn’t at all keen to leave the hotel anymore. And then, on the tenth day, they finally got the confirmation and a final string of appointments.

First the meeting with the judge, followed by a long talk with Thannisson and a final trip to Amelia’s and Lucy’s place to pick up Arthur. He had been so nervous… it was probably one of the most intense moments of his life and he couldn’t remember a second of it even though it had only happened a few hours ago.

It all happened so fast in the end.

Luckily Lucy took them to their hotel. She had tears in her eyes the entire way and got out of the car now, wiping her nose as she looked at the three of them. Armitage was carrying the huge bag which Amelia and Lucy had packed for Arthur, while Poe was holding Arthur close to his chest. They’d bought a pushchair, too, but it was still up in their room.

Poe looked down at the kid, surprised at his weight and the way he snuggled up against his chest.

 _For warmth_ , Poe told himself. It was still bitter cold, and the shiny face was already reddened from the wind, despite the hat and the jacket.

“You ready to go?” Lucy asked, smiling at Poe and Armitage with tears streaming down her face.

“Yes,” Armitage said, looking down at Arthur nestled in Poe’s arms, his Adam’s apple bobbing slightly as he swallowed. This was it then. The first time they’d truly be alone together. “Yes, I believe we are.”

Lucy nodded and sighed, wiping her face and grinning at the same time. “Call us if anything’s up. Really. We’re there to help.”

“Thank you,” Poe said, not daring to stretch out his hand to her. He wouldn’t even risk upsetting his precious cargo, especially not for a polite handshake. This was happening. Another few minutes and they would be alone with him. Alone with Arthur. Their son. The term felt weird, even in his head. He hadn’t spoken it aloud yet.

“Okay, little one,” she breathed, leaning forward to kiss Arthur’s forehead. “Take care of your daddies now, will you?” She caressed his cheek and sniffed. “You’ll be just fine,” she said, her eyes now trained on Armitage, as though Poe didn’t need her encouragement. As though she knew exactly what Armitage must be feeling. 

She smiled first at Poe, then at Armitage, kissed them both on the cheek and took a step back. “Okay, I’ve got to go, or I’m going to start crying in earnest now.”

“Thank you so much for everything,” Poe said with a faint smile as Arthur put back his head to look up at him with very wide eyes, making Poe’s heart contract painfully. “You really came through for him.”

She shrugged and took a step back to her car. “Have a safe flight tomorrow,” she said and within a few moments she was gone, leaving the three of them standing by the back entrance to their dingy hotel.

“So…” Armitage said quietly, heaving the bag over his shoulder. “Time to start packing?” He looked down at Arthur and Poe watched as the smile started to vanish. “Oh God, we’re taking him home with us, aren’t we?”

“That was the point, wasn’t it?” Poe laughed feebly at Arthur. “Let’s get you inside, huh?”

Arthur turned his head up to Armitage, then to the place where Lucy had just been, his green eyes widening in terror and he started sniffling ever so slightly. “Oh, no, Arthur, it’s okay,” Poe muttered, lifting Arthur a bit higher. “We like you, you know? See?” He pressed his lips to Arthur’s forehead. It happened almost automatically. The scent entered his nostrils, bringing tears to his eyes, his heart picking up pace. They were alone with him. They were responsible for this human being now.

Arthur blinked, his mouth still pulled down and a low, uncomfortable sound escaped his lips. This wasn’t good. Not good at all. Poe bit his lip.

“Hey,” Armitage whispered, letting the bag slide down to the ground again. His eyes were wide as he leaned forward and poked Arthur’s pudgy cheek. “We got cookies upstairs. Do you like cookies?”

Poe scoffed despite himself. “Now you’re sounding like you’re trying to lure him up there.”

Armitage grinned briefly. “Yeah, I sound like a pervert, don’t I?” He shook his head. “Come on, we can do this. Can’t we, Arthur? I’m your brother, you know? I’m your friend if you want me to be.”

They didn’t call Lucy. Even though Arthur refused the cookie and started screaming the moment the door closed behind them. Poe was sitting on the bed, Arthur on his lap, trying to distract him while Armitage sat next to him, holding one toy after the other out to him. “This really isn’t working, is it?” Armitage muttered, his voice on the edge of panic before he took out his phone after the third cuddly toy and the fifth book landed on the bed. “Oh God, the people next door probably think we’re murdering him.”

“Arthur, it’s okay. Hey, Artie, come on…” Poe whispered, his ears ringing with he high pitched wails, his stomach far too tight as he looked at the red, tear-stained face.

“Ok, got something.” Armitage muttered, taking a deep breath before filling his mouth with air and closing his lips so he was on his cheeks were puffed up. Next second he hit his own cheeks with the palms of his hand, making a loud farting sound.

Arthur stopped crying instantly, staring at Armitage now, snot still running down his nose, but at least he wasn’t petrified anymore. And then Armitage did it again, the sound surreal in the now quiet room. Arthur flinched and his breath hitched with the next farting sound from Armitage’s lips. There was a short burst of laughter with the third one and an even louder one with the fourth.

Poe stared transfixed at Armitage, completely disbelieving what he was seeing. Armitage, usually so composed and determined not to appear silly, was making a fool of himself and not heeding what Poe might be thinking about him as drops of spittle flew from his lips and hit both Arthur and Poe in the face.

“There we go,” Armitage muttered grinning when Arthur stuck out his tongue at him and blew once. He took a deep breath. “Look at that, the internet’s right, isn’t it?”

Poe laughed. “That’s not a single raspberry, that’s a whole exploding raspberry bush!”

Arthur stretched out his hand towards Armitage to pat his cheek, resulting in another short burst of that farting noise. Arthur shrieked with glee now and Poe took the opportunity to reach into his back pocket to get out a handkerchief and wipe the snot and tears from Arthur’s bright red face.

“Wanna do this some more?” Armitage asked, blowing up his cheeks once again to make the sound. He looked at Poe, eyes sparkling slightly, clearly proud of his success, before Poe placed Arthur the bed and took out his phone to take a picture the second Armitage sat on the floor in front of Arthur, making that sound over and over until Arthur could barely contain himself anymore. The sounds were enough to bring tears to Poe’s eyes and he sat down next to Armitage. His hair was dishevelled, strands of hair falling into his face as he did his best to entertain Arthur and keep him from crying.

And then Arthur looked at Poe, his big eyes still gleaming with tears and mirth. _Don_ _’_ _t hate us_ , Poe thought. “Hi, Arthur,” he said quietly, his heart skipping a beat when Arthur reached for him now to grab his nose. “Yeah, I know, it’s not pretty.”

“It’s damn pretty,” Armitage said, pressing a kiss to the side of his nose. “You look like a Greek god.”

Poe let out a long breath and eyed Armitage for a moment before turning his attention back to Arthur. “Armitage is a bit stupid sometimes,” he said with a slight grin, picking up one of the soft toys Lucy had packed. Probably best to start with a familiar one before throwing all the new stuff at the kid. Shaking his head, he put his hand on Arthur’s foot and sighed as the boy waved the orange plushie dog around, and, at least for the moment, no longer crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: mention of Ben Solo after: "because who could say if things didn’t go south after all." You can start reading again at: "The moment the e-mail arrived,"
> 
> So... this chapter was a bit tough to write I have to admit. Hope you still like it. Let me know in the comments below.


	14. Chapter 14

Chad was not getting on alone okay. And for a man who spoke so little, his emails were exceptionally elaborate. He kept apologizing and at the same time begging Poe for help. Day-to-day business was hard for Chad. Of course it was. Chad wasn’t used to this kind of work, no matter who stood by his side to assist him. Poe could only imagine all the work Dave was doing on top of his usual duties, just to help Chad through it all.

Poe felt a small stab in his chest as he went through the twenty or so emails Chad had sent him, ignoring the bustle around him and ignoring the pang of guilt, because he had left Armitage alone with Arthur. Granted, just for a few minutes, but he knew Armitage was more than nervous and this time he couldn’t hide it, because the only way Armitage knew how to hide his nerves were with sneers and frowns scorns and he couldn’t do that with Arthur. It was one thing to be alone with Arthur, but being in a public place was completely different.

Swallowing hard, he skimmed over the latest email, and looked over at the row of seats where Armitage and Arthur were sitting, Armitage holding one of the ten or so books they had bought the previous day and Arthur groping at the pages. Poe’s heart contracted painfully as he watched them. Anyone could have mistaken them for father and son. And they would be soon. Legally anyway.

He felt the pain in his chest grow so intensely he had difficulty breathing as he watched a woman sitting near Armitage and Arthur eying them with interest. Poe couldn’t blame her. Seeing Armitage like this made him want to kiss him senseless too. She started talking to him and for one brief moment Poe felt the urge to go up there and tell her to go away and leave Armitage and Arthur alone.

And Armitage didn’t look nervous now. Far from it. Maybe he had misread the signs.

Instead, he looked at his phone and dialled Chad’s number. He couldn’t afford to start getting jealous now. He knew Armitage wasn’t interested in anybody else, even if he wasn’t completely occupied with keeping Arthur entertained.

Chad picked up almost at once. “Poe,” he said in his deep voice. “Thank you for calling.”

Poe nodded, even though Chad couldn’t hear him. “Sure. How are you?”

“Good,” Chad answered, the one word followed by silence almost at once

Refusing to roll his eyes at the glass ceiling, Poe flipped through the pages in his notebook in which he had jotted down the questions Chad had asked. “Listen, the orders for the cafeteria should be approved by you, no matter what. If Mary orders tater tots, it’s because they’re on offer at that time. If she orders spinach, that’s her business. Do not, even for a moment think of interfering with her, or she’ll go on strike.” He fought down a short laugh. “The day for teacher-parent conferences needs to be set this week. Just go with whatever date the parent representative sets you. It’s still Max Vaughn, isn’t it? And, yes, we’re going to need a sub for Armitage. Just pick a few candidates and we’ll interview them together when I’m back.” He rubbed his forehead and leaned forward. He knew Chad wouldn’t respond anyway, or acknowledge the answers Poe had given him. His social skilly really were lacking. “So. What did Pryde say, then?” he asked, relieved that Armitage wasn’t sitting next to him at the moment. Poe wasn’t at all sure he’d be okay with Armitage hearing about this. Not right now at least. And just as he thought this, he remembered that a very similar notion had hit him only a few weeks ago. Armitage had been upset then.

Rubbing his forehead, he waited for Chad’s answer and he looked up at Armitage, now talking quietly to the woman, Arthur leaning against his chest. It had been yet another short night, owing to Arthur’s unease. In the end, they had taken to sitting up in bed, Arthur on one of their chests while the other tried (and failed) to get some sleep.

“Pryde says they are willing to pay for the new flooring and any other aspect of the gym that needs fixing.”

Poe nodded, dreading the answer to his next question. “And… in return?”

“He did not mention anything like-“

“Poe!” Rey nearly shouted into his ear. “Poe! How’s the kid? How’s Armitage?”

Grinning to himself, Poe wiped his face. He could just picture Rey storming into Chad’s office once Dave told her who Chad was talking to. “Rey, hi. Thank you for the letter and for whatever you said in your interview.”

“You still haven’t sent us a picture.”

“No.” He hadn’t done that, unsure of which one to choose, or whether he should do it at all. Every single picture either Armitage or Poe had taken was precious. Sending even one picture would feel like jinxing it all. “He looks like Armitage.”

“Oh.” Rey said and Poe pictured the grin falling from her face. “How’s he dealing with that?”

“Surprisingly well,” Poe answered. Arthur had yet another cookie in his hand and had started nibbling at it, the crumbs surely going everywhere.

Armitage hated cake.

They weren’t similar at all in that regard. That was something. Poe could do with an ally in the cake department. “You’ll meet him tomorrow.”

“You’re at the airport, right?”

“Yes, and I was actually talking to Chad, so if you don’t mind-“

“Chad’s being too polite. This Pryde guy is a terrible person.”

Poe laughed, despite himself. He didn’t know Pryde, not really, but he had this vague idea that Rey was, once again, right. She was good at reading people. “Lay it on me.”

“He told us about this First Order training program, said it would help our students find good jobs later on, he even mentioned scholarships for those who’d like to go to college after school.”

That sounded too good to be true. “Yeah… but I’m not sure First Order is a good company.”

“Yeah… the people who work there don’t seem too happy… but it’s a job, you know?”

Two very bad arguments. Especially in the current economic climate. These kids would need jobs. Good ones. And they could use every bit of help they could get. Even if it meant working for a terrible company. Poe wiped his face and nodded. The parents would love the idea anyway. School politics was so exhausting. “Alright, I guess you agreed?”

“Yes,” Chad said.

His heart sank. What a mess. “It was the right thing to do, I guess…” he sighed. “Listen, I gotta get back.”

“You got a flight then? No longer on standby?”

“Yep, we’re boarding in half an hour. Guess it’s time to get to the gate.”

“Have a good flight! And don’t forget to send a picture!”

Poe nodded “Sure. Take care. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He hung up and for a moment his thumb hovered over his father’s name. No, he didn’t have the time to give him a call.

Armitage was still talking to the woman and when Poe approached and he looked up, Poe saw an actual smile on his face. “Jody, this is Poe.” He grinned as he held the cookie for Arthur who was now preoccupied with one of his plushies.

The woman looked up at him, brushing her hair out of her face. Poe didn’t know what to make of it. “Poe, hi!”

Poe forced a smile and nodded, before he shook her outstretched hand. “Chad says everything’s going okay. Rey told me to send her a picture,” he cleared his throat. Well, it was high time they started, wasn’t it? If Arthur asked for photos later on, it’d be downright terrible if they only had three. “Would you …” he asked Jody with a raised eyebrow.

She nodded and Poe put his phone into her hand before he sat down next to Armitage.

“Thanks,” Armitage said with a nervous smile, and added: “Jody adopted a kid three years ago.”

Sliding an arm around Armitage’s shoulders, he looked down at Arthur’s chocolate smeared face and the crumbs sticking to his fingers and managed a smile. What a perfect first picture of the three of them, he thought, kissing Armitage’s cheek without warning.

“Okay, now one with the two of you looking at the camera?” The woman’s voice said.

Armitage caught his eye and smiled nervously. “Is everything alright.”

Poe nodded and brushed the tip of his finger over Arthur’s cheek. It had only been a day since they had been left in front of the hotel with Arthur. To hold him, to feel that tiny head resting against his chest… it was… something. Poe still wasn’t entirely sure how to describe it.

“He’s really fond of you two,” Jody said, making Poe’s head snap up.

“What?”

“It shows.”

Arthur blew a raspberry, then held the sticky cookie out to Armitage.

“I really do not want to eat that,” Armitage said, taking Arthur’s hand and kissing the back of it. Poe blinked. He hadn’t seen Armitage do that yet and it made his own heart leap in exhilaration. His breath hitched and he was about to say something, when he saw Jody approaching again, holding out Poe’s phone to him.

“Take a look. There are a few good ones.” She bent over and picked up her bag. “Good luck, you three. I gotta go catch my flight.”

Poe held the phone in his hand. The first pictures someone had ever taken of them were on there.

Armitage closed his free left hand over his, the ring clinking softly against his. “How far is it to the gate?”

Swallowing hard, Poe looked at his watch. “We really should go. Families board first, you know?” He chanced a grin at Armitage, who was far too pale, dark shadows looming underneath his eyes.

“Do they?”

Another raspberry from Arthur interrupted their exchange.

“You don’t like me flirting with your daddy, huh?” Poe sighed, picking Arthur up from Armitage’s lap. He stood up and shouldered one of the many bags just as Arthur shoved the cookie in his face. “No, I don’t want to eat your slobber either,” he said and Arthur dropped the cookie. “Are you kidding me?”

Arthur laughed loudly and patted Poe’s cheek with his sticky little hand.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re funny,” Poe about to hand Arthur back to Armitage, who wasn’t even looking at them, but at his hands lying open in his lap. All Poe could see was the top of his head. “What?”

Armitage shook his head and passed his right hand over his face. “Nothing,” he mumbled and picked up the cookie first and then the other two bags. “Let’s go.” He looked pale. So incredibly pale. What had he done wrong? What was it?

But Armitage didn’t say anything else, just put his arm around Poe and kissed his temple. “I love you.”

Armitage dreaded take-off. Luckily the dummy Amelia and Lucy had packed for Arthur had packed helped. Instead of crying about the build-up of pressure, Arthur played happily with the book Poe was showing him. It was a silly story about a duck’s adventures in the bathtub, but Arthur seemed to enjoy it, feeling the plastic and plushie shapes fitted into the cardboard pages while the plane ascended higher and higher.

They were seated in one of the front rows, just the two of them with enough leg room to keep the bag for Arthur at hand.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” Poe said and Armitage lifted Arthur to his lap along with his book.

“Sure.” He smiled up at him, tentatively, feeling his heart contract painfully as Poe stroked his cheek and headed to the small bathroom up ahead.

Armitage took a long shuddering breath as he looked at the ginger shock of hair resting against his chest. “He called me your daddy,” he whispered. Lucy had referred to the two of them like that and the word hadn’t stung half as badly as it had when Poe had used it.

He didn’t even know why it hurt, or if it was a good thing he felt it. His throat was tight as Arthur started mumbling incomprehensively through the dummy stuck between his lips. “I’m not gonna be like him,” he whispered, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes as Arthur leaned against him trustingly. Armitage took a deep breath and pressed his lips against the top of Arthur’s head, letting the child’s warmth seep into him. “I don’t know a thing about _her_ , but I promise you I will do all I can.”

Closing his eyes, he inhaled Arthur’s scent. He had done this during night, surprised at how calming that smell was. Strange and familiar at the same time. Warm even. And Arthur responded, pressing his body into his chest, the contented sucking sounds on the dummy making Armitage’s heart feel like it was falling apart.

Had his father ever done this? Held Arthur close like this? Had pushed through the wailing and the crying to feel this affection? Armitage didn’t know, and he doubted he ever would. But somehow he doubted it. Brendol Hux was not an affectionate man. He’d visited his mother in hospital after Armitage’s birth. That much he knew. He had seen the one picture. One picture of his father, holding him. It looked forced. Like a nurse had thrust Armitage into Brendol’s arms.

But maybe things really had been different with Arthur. Because Brendol had wanted him, hadn’t he?

He hadn’t wanted Armitage. Not him as a person, anyway. He’d taken him in. There were no other words for it. Maybe, twenty-five years ago, Brendol had hoped he could still shape Armitage into his likeness. Someone he could follow a path he chose.

Luckily Armitage hadn’t let that happen. Who could tell how things would have gone, had Brendol actually been in his life from the start?

Swallowing hard, he kissed the little head again. “He called _me_ your daddy,” he whispered again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... we're on the plane. Up next: getting used to life in Anchorhead with a baby while the First Order does everything to take over the town while they also want to plan a wedding and move into their house... I really have a lot left to write, huh? 
> 
> Thanks for reading! And please leave a comment.


	15. Chapter 15

It was far too warm. How could he have forgotten how hot it was?!

Armitage looked at Arthur, sitting perfectly snug in his car seat in the back, fast asleep after the terribly long journey. _He_ had _no_ idea how hot it was going to get. And their house, unlike Poe’s car, didn’t have fully functioning air conditioning. The place barely cooled down. It was enough, but how bad would it be for such a small child.

“Just five more minutes,” Poe muttered. He looked dead on his feet, but Armitage wasn’t about to point that out. He doubted he looked any better. They’d barely gotten any sleep on the flight after Arthur’s one and only nap, and keeping him busy and entertained in the confines of an airplane was far from fun.

“I hope he can fall asleep,” Armitage said.

“He’s sleeping now.”

“Don’t you think that’s going to be a problem?”

Poe snorted. “The kid’s been through a lot. I don’t know… I’m not an expert.”

“I’ll say,” Armitage responded, giving Poe a smile. “Don’t you always say we can do this?”

“No, I know we can.” Poe cleared his throat as he turned into their street. The lights in Finn’s book shop were still on. They’d see him the next day. Him, and Rey and Rose… Armitage had to admit, he was looking forward to it as much as he was dreading that meeting.

“Kes is already there?”

“He said he’d bring food. I suppose he wants us to start eating healthy now.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Armitage said smiling. He couldn’t even remember what they’d had to eat in London, though a couple of things stood out. The chips at that pub for instance. He swallowed hard. “I’m gonna go grocery shopping tomorrow while you’re at school.”

They had reached the small house and Poe parked the car in the narrow driveway. Kes was parked in the street right behind Armitage and Armitage could make out the light from the living room window. “Armitage, I can stay home another day. It’ll be fine.”

“No, I know,” Armitage sighed. “But Chad needs you. They all need you.”

Poe let out a long breath, drawing Armitage’s gaze. “They’ll need you too. And I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh, oh.”

“No, shut up. I was thinking… aand there’s my dad.” He leaned back in his seat and looked up ahead. Armitage followed his gaze. Indeed, there he was. Kes Dameron. The last time Armitage had seen him, Armitage had been beside himself. How _had_ he reacted? Had he made a complete fool of himself?

“I am intrigued to hear more of this plan of yours,” Armitage said as Kes came down the stairs to meet them. Armitage got out of the car, the residual heat still hanging in the air hitting him like a mallet. He was only relieved he had changed into a thinner shirt on the plane.

“You guys okay? You’re late!” Kes asked, jogging the last few steps and pulling Armitage into a tight hug. Armitage wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to this. Their first meeting hadn’t exactly gone smoothly, but it was nice to see that Kes was at least starting to accept him. Starting to. They weren’t there yet, and Armitage had the distinct impression that Kes’ friendliness was mostly because of Poe and Arthur. “Armitage? You’re alright?”

Armitage nodded once Kes took a deep breath and let go of him. No, he probably wouldn’t get used to those bear-like hugs from anyone but Poe. But it was nice to think that children also inherited _those_ things from parents. “I’m good,” he said.

“Hey, dad!” Poe was on the other side of the car, opening the door for Arthur now and getting him out of his seat. “There you go, little guy. This was a really long trip, wasn’t it?”

By the light of the streetlamp Arthur looked strangely pale as he rubbed his eyes, clinging to Poe. He blinked and looked around him, as though torn between lack of interest and curiosity. The dummy fell from his lips and Poe caught it just in time. “Arthur,” he said softly. “This is my dad. Want to meet him?”

Arthur pulled a face and yawned.

Clapping his back, Kes hurried around the car. “Arthur, are you even awake?” Kes asked, drawing Arthur’s attention to himself, by taking the dummy from Poe and holding it up. “This here. Is that what you want?”

Of course Arthur did. He gave an unarticulated sound and reached for the dummy.

“Dad, would you take him for a moment, so we can unload some stuff?”

“Sure.” Kes’ eyes were practically gleaming, while Arthur looked up at him sceptically. “Hey, buddy,” he said. “I made you something to eat. Do you like squash?

“I’m sure he’ll love it,” Poe said, throwing Armitage a fleeting smile as he joined him at the back of the car. The warmth in his eyes was unmistakeable. So this was it? They were home? And Kes was to be Arthur’s grandfather? Making him dinner and lunch and putting him to bed when Poe and Armitage couldn’t?

Wasn’t all of this too easy?

Armitage grabbed two of the three bags and followed Kes up the narrow path leading to the house. Arthur was looking at Armitage over Kes’ shoulder, as though terrified Armitage would turn around and leave. Just like that. Just like so many other people had done in the past few days.

Forcing a smile, he said: “So how bad was the inspection?”

Kes grunted. “Didn’t Poe say? It was alright, I guess. They were terrified when they saw that you didn’t have a second bedroom, so I showed them your new house. They really liked that, though.” Kes held open the door for them and Armitage let the bags slide to the floor. Already Arthur was stretching his arms out to him and with a wave of relief, he took the boy from Kes again. “He’s already really attached to you, isn’t he?”

His cheeks grew hot as he pulled Arthur closer against him. Millie and Chad were on the sofa he had bought over a year ago. When they laid eyes on Armitage, they jumped down and hurried towards him, throwing themselves on the ground in front of him, only seconds before being steamrolled by Beebee, who came, yapping, down the stairs, almost stumbling down them on his short legs.

“My favourite people in the whole world!” Poe exclaimed, throwing himself down as well to greet Beebee and the cats with his usual enthusiasm.

“What’s that supposed to say about us, huh?” Kes nudged Armitage in the ribs and made his way into the living room and the adjoining dining area. “How was the flight?”

Armitage looked at Poe, then up at Arthur who was seemingly fascinated by the yapping and purring down on the ground. “It was alright,” Armitage said, chancing a smile at Kes. He still wasn’t sure about him, or rather: he wasn’t sure how much Kes actually liked him and the tension in his stomach as he watched Kes standing there, looking at the boy, made him hold on even tighter to the child. “He’s not exactly complicated.”

Kes nodded once, then looked at Poe. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” Poe grinned up at him, patting Beebee’s back. He was by Armitage’s side almost at once. “Thanks for everything, dad.”

“Sure.” Kes nodded, frowning slightly at Armitage, before heading off into the kitchen. “Let me just heat this stuff up.”

Poe seemed on the verge of saying something else, but he put a hand on Armitage’s back instead and then proceeded to follow Kes.

“You don’t have to be such a jerk around my dad, you know?” The words were out before Poe had the chance to bite them back. They’d been nagging at him ever since Kes had led them inside.

Armitage didn’t respond. He was at the sink, still doing the dishes. The dishwasher had broken down a few weeks ago, and seeing as they were about to move anyway, that thing wasn’t exactly a priority.

“He’s trying to help.”

“I know.”

Poe watched as Armitage pressed his lips into a thin line while scrubbing at one of the dirty pans. “He did so much to make sure we could bring Arthur here.”

“I know.”

With a sigh, Poe looked over his shoulder to where Arthur was sitting on the rug in front of their sofa, blabbering softly and contentedly with Millie watching what he was doing from her place on her favourite cushion. Chandler and Beebee had already gone up. It seemed a small miracle that the cats and Beebee had taken so readily to the new arrival, and even more of a miracle that Arthur was still curious instead of fed-up with his surroundings. 

“I don’t want to fight,” Poe said and Armitage nodded at the soapy mess in the sink.

“No, I don’t want to fight either.”

“So…”

“So, I don’t hate your dad. I’m just cautious. I know he means well, I just don’t think he likes me.”

That was the sore spot. It always had been. Kes didn’t hate him, Poe knew that, and he accepted that Armitage was in Poe’s life to stay, but Poe hated the tension that always filled the room at the weirdest of times. Hadn’t things been alright at Christmas? With Armitage playing songs and Kes singing along to them? Hadn’t things been relaxed then? More than they ever had been before? “He doesn’t do well when people aren’t as upfront as he is.”

With a snort, Armitage wiped his brow. “Well, I can’t help that.”

“You’re upfront with me. Most of the time.”

“It’s a miracle you don’t hate me for it… but… with you it’s different. I have to be more open with you. The stakes are higher.”

Poe couldn’t help it. Chuckling softly, he moved up to Armitage, wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling his nose against his neck. He smelled so incredibly good. Even after hours spent on an airplane, Armitage still managed to smell intoxicating. “I’ll let him know… and he’s excited about Arthur.”

Armitage stiffened in his arms, Poe felt the muscles of his shoulders and back tense up, and then relax again with a forced exhale. “No, I know.” He dropped the sponge into the water and placed his hands on either side of the sink. “He doesn’t know about my father, does he?”

“I guess he knows you two didn’t have the best of relationships, given that you never talk about him or started crying when the cop called at his door.”

A soft hiss, that could almost be mistaken for a short laugh issuer from Armitage’s lips as he put his hands on Poe’s. They were warm from the water and still slightly damp. “Fair assessment.”

“Yes, I know.” Closing his eyes, he leaned into Armitage, wishing he could sink into him and forget he’d ever called him a jerk. What a jerk _he_ was. “Just try to be nicer to him? He’s trying really hard to like you as much as I do.”

“Not to be picky, but I prefer younger men.”

“Urgh, don’t say that when the social worker shows up.”

“Noted.” Armitage patted Poe’s hand and nodded.

“We should go to bed, babe.”

“Probably.” Twisting out of Poe’s grasp, Armitage lifted Poe’s face up by the chin and smiled softly. “Thank you. For everything.”

It was something Armitage didn’t need to say all the time, but Poe had the distinct impression that Armitage needed to say it over and over again, instead of stating something more profound. His eyes darted over to Arthur, who was watching them very intently now, his little ball still in his hand. He was lying on his tummy now, his back arched so he could really take a good look at them. “He’s adorable,” Poe grinned, standing on his tiptoes to kiss Armitage briefly and then he moved over to Arthur. “Time for bed, young man.” Arthur’s bright green eyes looked up at him with something close to astonishment. “We’re all really tired, and you really, really need some sleep too, Artie.”

Arthur clung to his collar as Poe slowly made his way up the narrow staircase, Millie right on his heel. In the kitchen he could make out Armitage cleaning up. “Daddy’ll be up in a minute, okay? I’m just gonna keep calling him Daddy. Is that okay for you?” In answer Arthur blew a raspberry yet again, his spit flying everywhere. “You know, you should stop doing that. Not exactly polite, you know.”

Arthur did it again, the sound immediately followed by a laugh.

“Yeah, you’re a musical genius, I get it. Just like Daddy.” Poe muttered as they reached the top of the stairs. _Daddy_. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t noticed Armitage flinch back at the word, and it felt weird on his own tongue. Like something that didn’t quite belong there yet. And in its weirdness, it made him wonder if Arthur would resent them one day. For taking him in and not leaving him with a family who’d wanted to have a kid all their lives and not some teachers who more or less stumbled into their roles.

“Do you want me to be Papa?”

Arthur put his hand on Poe’s lips and Poe tasted the residue of squash. Cleaning him up properly was obviously Poe still needed to master and his heart gave a little jolt at the thought. “Not Papa. There’s not a whole lot of names I’m comfortable with, you know? And we can’t both be Daddy. That’s just weird. How will you tell us apart? When you have a musical emergency,” he said, turning right towards the small office, “you’re gonna want to call Armitage. That’s _Daddy._ We established that. But if you want to hide your candy, you’re gonna have to call me, and if you call out for Daddy then, then you will be in big trouble, Mister.”

What was he even talking about? It didn’t really make sense, but he had to admit, talking nonsense was kind of calming. “Don’t listen to me, I’m a bit dumb, buddy.”

He entered the small room overlooking the miniature front yard and the street. Kes really had worked miracles here, Poe thought again as he moved inside. Their desks had both been pushed to the side to stand next to each other on one side of the room, whereas the other side had transformed. Their school things were still there, of course. They didn’t really have the room for anything else, but Kes had added a few things to the shelves and Poe’s heart contracted painfully when he saw the stuffed animal his mother had given him when he was six. He’d broken his arm and Shara had brought the orange cat home with her from the store. And there it was now. That cat, sitting on top of their bookshelf with his old college books and all the most terrible works of literature he’d had to read. “Time to sleep, buddy,” Poe muttered, chancing to kiss Arthur’s cheek. He still wasn’t used to it, and he’d never thought he would have to get used to kissing anyone. But there it was. Having Arthur in their lives was surreal. To think he would be here for the rest of theirs was a concept he hadn’t fully grasped yet.

He stood for a moment, looking at the old crib, in which he himself had slept once. Kes had even bought a new mattress and bedding. He was so excited. Why couldn’t Armitage accept it? Was he really terrified of Kes?

Poe heard him coming up the stairs and he quickly turned to the changing table. Arthur clung to him for just a moment before he lay flat on his back. “We really need to go and buy some more diapers tomorrow, don’t we?” he asked, stripping off Arthur’s socks and soft pants. “Or do we call them nappies? I don’t know.” He plucked the pacifier out of the back pocket of his jeans and held it up high over Arthur’s face.

Another raspberry. “God, I can’t wait for you to start speaking. We could have a really ground-breaking conversation here.” Poe laughed as he pushed the pacifier between Arthur’s wet lips. “Nappies, diapiers, dummy… all of those are very funny words. You’ll get that too at some point.”

It was weird how quickly he’d gotten used to doing this. Changing diapers had seemed like such a daunting task at first, but after only two days he already felt like a pro. “Okay, d’you want me to read you a story now?”

“All that enthusiasm is not going to get him to fall asleep, you know?” Armitage’s voice came from behind him. Poe looked at him over his shoulder. He was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and he’d undone one more button of his shirt. The soft light of the terrible lamp hanging from the ceiling made his skin look almost tan.

“Come join us,” Poe said, turning back to Arthur to put on one of the three pairs of pyjamas they had for him. Arthur helped where he could, already used to the clumsy way Poe was handling him, one of his hands on the pacifier as though he was terrified of it dropping out. “We really, really, really need to go shopping for you.”

“Aren’t we broke yet?” Armitage was by the crib now, sitting down in front of it. It was probably a good thing they hadn’t ripped out the carpet.

“No, not quite. I mean… I guess with little Art in the picture we’re not going on a big-ass honeymoon.”

“Were we ever going to do that?”

Poe shrugged and lifted Arthur back up again before they both joined Armitage on the floor. “Well… I was hoping to save up for one, but then we had to go to London last minute and stay in a hotel and get a flight back home last minute. So…”

“So… are you going to try out various nicknames for him before you decide on one?”

“Yeah,” Poe said, pondering for a moment whether he should say more, but now probably wasn’t the time. They were both tired and needed sleep, and it was more than likely that Arthur wouldn’t let them. It was strange to think that such a tiny human being could have such a loud voice. “Should we let him sleep in our bed again?”

“No,” Armitage said, putting an arm around Poe’s shoulders and picking one of the books from the stack. The one with the adventurous duck again. Either Armitage was particularly fond of it, or Arthur was. Maybe both of them. “We should at least try to let him sleep on his own, or we’re never going to have the bed to ourselves again.”

“We don’t have it to ourselves now. There are two cats and a dog in there, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Yes, well… you know what I mean.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively at Poe, which immediately resulted in a familiar tugging sensation in his lap.

“Yeah, get a bigger bed for the new house,” he said quickly, taking the book from Armitage. “Artie, you know this by heart now, don’t you?” Poe asked, watching Arthur pat the book and blowing the millionth raspberry of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for all the fluff! I know I promised a lot of angst at the beginning, and I swear their story isn't even CLOSE to being over, I was just really looking forward to writing some bonding. And there will be more of that. It needs to happen. I'm sorry! Armitage still needs to find out some stuff, Poe needs to freak out a bit, they have to plan a wedding and move into their house... you get the idea. 
> 
> Hope you still like it :)


	16. Chapter 16

Arthur gave them exactly twenty minutes before he started screaming.

Ears perked up, Beebee, Chandler and Millie all sat up in bed, staring at the open door leading into the corridor as Poe started pushing the covers back again.

“No, you have to work tomorrow,” Armitage said, putting a hand on Poe’s arm.

“Or should we… you know… leave him be?” Poe regretted the question even as he said it. Armitage’s glance was enough to make him pull up the blanket. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m a terrible person.”

Armitage sighed and kissed his forehead. An apology for the words that followed. “Yes, you are.” He brushed his hand through Poe’s curls while the wailing continued. “Get some sleep.”

But Poe didn’t lie back down again. He remained propped on his elbow, watching Armitage move into the corridor with Millie right behind him. He was only wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms and from his place Poe got a good view of his slender back before he vanished into Arthur’s room.

It was no big surprise that their first night here wouldn’t be an easy one. Arthur might be an uncomplicated child most of the time, but they hadn’t really left him alone yet, and the few moments when they did, he tended to scream his head off. He probably really was terrified of being abandoned once and for all. Poor kid.

Immediately he regretted his promise to Chad to get back to school the very next day. He was abandoning Armitage in this very crucial stage, he knew he was, but they really couldn’t afford any more unpaid leave right now. Moreover, Chad hadn’t even asked Poe to come back, but Rey had. It looked as though she was doing everything in her power to keep things running smoothly, putting out one fire after the next while Chad worked through tons and tons of paperwork. No, he couldn’t leave those two to it either. And Armitage and Arthur would be okay. 

He listened to Armitage mumble softly in the other room and Arthur fell quiet and finally Poe allowed himself to sink back into the pillows. Armitage’s place was still warm and Beebee moved in to fill that space, curled up against Poe’s stomach.

The next day, Poe would get home early. He would make a point of leaving the office as soon as possible, maybe even take more work home with him. And then there was another weekend coming up in just two days. That ought to be manageable.

He shivered in the semi darkness and pulled the cover back over his shoulders, trying to ignore the doubts beginning to gnaw at him. They had a son now. A real child that needed them to take care of him. And that child was there to stay. Arthur was in their home. He had a claim on them like nobody ever had.

Poe’s heart contracted painfully. Arthur needed him, and already he was letting him down.

The wet wipe wasn’t far away and Armitage reached it easily enough, and dabbed the tears and the snot off Arthur’s face. His skin was hot from crying and the eyes still bleary, when Armitage picked him up again.

There was no bad smell, so the nappy probably didn’t need changing. Arthur’s pain had nothing to do with a wet butt. The boy was beside himself with fear in this new, unfamiliar room and Armitage cursed himself for leaving him in here with the blinking lights from their computers. Right now Arthur couldn’t even dig his little fingers in Armitage’s shirt and Armitage was almost sorry for it. When he left the bedroom, he didn’t even think about throwing over any additional clothes. Well, here they were.

He stroked Arthur’s back. “Are you too warm?” he asked softly, holding Arthur tightly in his arms. “Okay, tell you what. Let’s go downstairs.”

Soft, warm fur was pushing past him and he looked down at Millie. “Come with us?”

Armitage held Arthur even closer, feeling the silky hair against his chest as he moved out of the office and back into the corridor. By the dimmed light of the lamp on his bedside table, he saw that Poe had fallen asleep. He needed it. He really did. The next couple of days would be hard on him.

“You know,” Armitage whispered into Arthur’s ear, “there was a time when I wouldn’t have given a damn… pardon me, a hoot. About this place and about school. I didn’t even think twice about Poe… or I tried to. He’s a really handsome guy, and has always been far too kind to me.” He should probably start watching out for what he said around the kid now. As quietly as he could, he closed the door so Poe wouldn’t be disturbed. “But it really is nice here. You’ll see. Even if it’s far too hot and we can never get a real Christmas tree.” He carefully went down the stairs. The steps were a bit worn and a bit too narrow, so he held on especially tight to Arthur. “Well, maybe not _this_ place, this house, but I’ll show you the new house tomorrow or the day after, okay? You’ll have a really nice room and Papa is very excited to show it to you…” _Papa._ Well, if Poe started calling him _Daddy_ _…_ Armitage swallowed hard. They had reached the bottom of the staircase and Millie had somehow already made it into the living room to lie on the sofa. He turned on the light of the reading lamp and looked down at her. She returned her gaze almost lazily. She’d missed him, he realized, already feeling bad for having left her the way he did. She was the first stranded soul he’d taken in and she had changed her life. He had to be more considerate of her. “What do you think of that cant, hm? Arthur?” He sat down next to her, burying his free hand in her fur. “Do you like Millie?” Armitage asked, transfixed by how beautiful Arthur’s giant green eyes were. It gave him a pang to think about them and the way Arthur looked. How could he not? “You’re much prettier than father,” Armitage muttered. “And a lot nicer, too.”

Arthur cooed once and stretched out a hand to grab Armitage’s chin.

“Charming,” Armitage sighed. “Not into sitting down?”

Arthur’s hold tightened, the tiny nails scratching his skin. Decidedly Armitage put down Arthur’s hand and looked at him, barely keeping himself from frowning. “I wish I knew baby talk,” he said, kissing the soft hand. It was strange that he’d never really thought of him as his brother, wasn’t it? Not since they’d met anyway. Biologically Arthur was his father’s son, just like he was, but Armitage simply couldn’t imagine Brendol with a small child like this. It felt more like Arthur had been with Brendol for a while, but now he was with him and Poe and that was how things were supposed to be, no matter how frightening this all was.

He kissed the hand again, wondering why he hadn’t done this sooner. Holding him was easier, but this felt good to. And Arthur seemed to like it too. Just like he didn’t mind being here, as long as he was with either Poe or Armitage. As long as he could see that they were still there. They were home. Arthur was here to stay. The very fact that the judge had allowed them to take him home even before all the adoption papers had gone through proved that. “I have to tell you something else, though,” he said quietly, leaning his forehead against Arthur’s. “I’m gonna take Papa’s name. I haven’t told him yet, but I’m telling you, okay?” He put his index first to his own lips, then to Arthur’s, making a low shushing noise. The lips felt soft and slightly wet against his fingertip. “Are you ever going to stop drooling?” Chuckling, he pulled Arthur close against his chest, felt the drool start dripping on his skin and found he didn’t much care. Leaning back, he felt Millie press up against his leg and Arthur somehow managed to slide his head beneath his chin.

“Hux really isn’t a nice name,” Armitage muttered, brushing his hand over Arthur’s back. “Very harsh. I guess that’s not me anymore… well, at least you got the nicer first name. Must’ve been-“ he broke off, swallowing hard. He’d almost said _your mother_ _’_ _s idea._ Who could say whose idea the name had been. At least Arthur’s mother had made a better choice than Armitage’s. Armitage’s mother had agree to both the first name and the last name. His heart contracted painfully and he closed his eyes against the prickling in his nostrils. How selfish he was… selfish and stupid. Even if Poe was right and Brendol and his wife only had spent very little time with him, there was very little doubt that Arthur must miss whoever had taken care of him most of the time. Whether that was Brendol or Isabella or that unnamed AuPair, Armitage couldn’t say, and he would very likely never find out. What would they tell Arthur once he was big enough?

Arthur’s fist lay loosely on Armitage’s chest, but Armitage knew the boy wasn’t asleep. Not yet. That would take some more time probably. “I’m gonna take you into bed with us, okay? You can sleep with us for as long as you need to. I promise.”

His mother had let him sleep with her. He even remembered her smell and the green bedsheets she loved so much. She’d stroked his hair and Armitage wondered for a brief moment if she’d ever felt this sense of dread at the prospect of telling her son about a father who wasn’t there anymore. A father who was not a good person. Charlotte Kelly had never spoken ill of the man who had given Armitage his name and who paid for their flat at the very least. But she never spoke fondly of him either. Armitage had to find out for himself who his father was.

Luckily Arthur would never have to do so. “You’re safe, little one.” Arthur whispered, brushing his cheek over the top of Arthur’s head. He hadn’t missed his mother in a very long time. He wasn’t even sure he remembered her face or her voice, or whether the images his mind made him face were just idealistic phantoms of a person who had been dead for more than twenty-five years.

And then, all of a sudden, he realized he’d been humming. Without a conscious thought. A lullaby which his mother had sung to him, and the melody made his heart ache even more painfully.

He sniffed and kissed the top of Arthur’s head, realizing far too late that his tears were falling on the child nestled against him. This child who depended on him and Poe now more than ever.

Slowly, he got up and moved over to the piano sitting against the wall. Kes had brought this here, too. Armitage really needed to try harder. Kes had earned that over and over again. Poe was right. He’d been a jerk. And he’d been a jerk to Poe too.

Sitting down on the piano stool, he had to lean back to make sure Arthur didn’t fall. “I’m gonna play something for you, okay?” He took a deep breath and wiped his face with his free hand, before he lifted Arthur and turned him so his back was against Armitage’s chest, securing him there with one arm. “Feel free to fall asleep, okay? I’ve got you.” The warmth of the little body was comfortably seeping into his skin.

When he stretched out his hand to the piano, he felt Arthur’s hand on his arm, heard a half-hearted raspberry being blown and he laughed. “It’s really easy to talk to you,” he said. “Poe has a point.”

He let out a long breath, lips just a breath away from Arthur’s head, securing the boy with one arm. He’d only be able to play with his right hand. But that would be alright. A compromise he was willing to make.

Anything for Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is was a fairly short chapter. I hope you enjoyed it anyway :-) Life's a bit hectic right now, but I still write every day. My number of WIPs has increased to 5. 
> 
> I also discovered the head canon that Hux likes Billy Joel and he plays "Lullabye" for Arthur. I know, it's too new to be the one Hux's mother sang to him, but I like the idea that she sang it for her baby boy. Also, I finally decided on a name. Did you notice the last name is Irish? *coughs*
> 
> Take care everybody! Feel free to leave a comment. I know, this was really cheesy, and the next chapter will feature the friends coming over to visit. So, yeay! :-D


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so so long since I last posted! I am very sorry. I was having trouble sitting down to write these past few days. I promise to do better.

Poe left early. Arthur didn’t even get the chance to smear his smashed banana on his shirt. Poe merely held Arthur’s arms tight with one hand and kissed the top of his head before he drew Armitage into his arms and hugged him close to his chest.

Armitage’s eyes fell shut automatically as he took in Poe’s scent and catching himself wishing he could go along with him.

“Good luck,” Poe muttered against his neck as though he had just read Armitage’s thoughts. “You’ll do just fine, okay?”

Armitage took a deep, calming breath and pressed his lips against Poe’s neck. “Okay,” he whispered back, willing himself to believe it. “Have a good day.”

And then he was gone. Just like that. Leaving Armitage and Arthur alone, because he had to get to work. He’d already missed so much of it, and the school needed him, but Armitage couldn’t help but wish he’d been cowardly enough to ask him to stay.

“I guess that’s what you call growth,” Armitage said, hands on his hips as he looked down at Arthur happily licking the banana mush off his hands. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

Arthur didn’t look after Poe. His eyes were on Armitage now and on Armitage alone.

This was on him.

Arthur stuck his hand almost wholly into his mouth now, his pinky slipping on his lips and touching his nose.

“I’m going to have to clean you up now, huh?” Armitage laughed. He couldn’t help it.

Blinking in confusion Arthur returned his gaze before he started grinning himself. Such an easy way of communicating with him. It was incredible.

“Okay, you’re asking for it.” He took out his phone and took a picture of him before kneeling in front of him and reaching for the wet towel. They’d done it. They’d spent the first night in their new house together and Arthur hadn’t cried since Armitage got up to hold him. Not once. He didn’t even cry now that Poe was gone. That ought to be a good sign.

Armitage wiped Arthur’s hands and arms, then his face. There was no more banana left on the plastic plate in front of the boy. Did he want another one? Should Armitage wait before giving him one? What was the rule there? He really would have to get another book. The internet was a good enough source, but having a million pages on parenting at your fingertips was more confusing than anything. “We’re going to have to go shopping today,” he said, wiping the sticky fruit mush off Arthur’s face, making sure he even got he last bits of the tiny nostrils.

Shopping… Leaving the house with Arthur. Going to the store instead of to school. Spending all of his time with him instead of with the students. No more Music or Physics lessons. No more drama club.

It only hit him now. He would not be going back to teach there. Not for a while. He wouldn’t see his colleagues every day. He wouldn’t get to see how the kids progressed. He would have to give up the drama club.

He almost laughed.

There had been a time when he didn’t care about any of that. Now the thought alone made him feel choked up.

Arthur gave him one of his almost toothless grins that made his two front teeth stand out against the very pink gums, and Armitage pressed his lips to the small palm before the sticky fingers could capture his nose. Sighing, he stood up, lifting Arthur out of the high chair at the same time. It was another relic from Poe’s past that Kes had brought to their home.

Maybe Armitage needed to stop there as well, he thought, as he kissed Arthur’s cheek. He needed to thank him properly. And apologize. For Poe’s sake and for his own. For Arthur.

His stomach twisted into a painful knot at the same time. It wouldn’t be that hard, he told himself as he watched Millie and Beebee hop onto the couch together and snuggle up right next to Chandler. It almost made him want to sit down with them.

But if there was one thing he had learned through all of this, it was that hiding was no option. He looked at Arthur again. Were those freckles on his nose?

Swallowing hard, Armitage lifted him up a bit higher and blew a loud kiss against his cheek. “Let’s get dressed and out into the real world, huh? You’ll love it here. You almost never have to wear a coat.”

Giggling Arthur threw his arms around Armitage’s neck, wiping his open mouth over his cheek. Well, that was what you got for teaching a kid to kiss, Armitage thought with a grin.

Too much paperwork. That was it. There was simply far too much paperwork on his desk. It wasn’t as though Chad hadn’t worked at all during Poe’s absence, but there were still so many things that Poe still needed to sign, so many talks with students and parents he needed to prepare for.

His head felt like it was about to burst by ten o’clock and once ten thirty arrived, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had just told Dave to fetch the parents of a student who had smeared curse words on the toilet wall with something nobody really wanted to get into, and the girl was sitting with Dave, when Poe decided he needed a break. He needed to see his colleagues. He hadn’t met one of them all day. For a moment though, he looked at the phone on his desk, wondering if he should call Armitage, just to make sure he was alright. He probably was. If not, he would have called already. Or would he? No, probably not.

Poe went over to the door. The girl was looking at her nails, probably keen on avoiding both Dave’s and Poe’s eye.

“Is Chad in there?” Poe asked, pointing at his former office and decidedly ignoring the girl.

“No, he’s teaching,” Dave said.

“Alright.” Poe nodded. “If you see him before I do, can you tell him I’d like a word?”

“Sure.” Dave looked at him from where he was sitting at his desk. “Uhm, this Pryde guy called a few minutes ago. He wants an appointment, but I told him you were busy.”

“Right,” Poe said, pushing his hand through his curls. Pryde. He’d managed to push that thought away for the most part, but he knew he’d have to deal with the man sooner rather than later. “I’ll send him an email this afternoon.”

“Okay,” Dave nodded before turning his attention back to the screen.

That was his cue. Poe threw the girl one look. She still hadn’t moved. She was probably sorry for what she’d done, though mostly because of the consequences she had to face and not because she’d caused a bureaucratic and financial problem for the school. Kids didn’t think that way. How could they?

Hiding his sigh behind a cough, he turned away from her. Ultimately, she’d get suspended for a week and then come back here as though nothing had happened. That was the way these things usually went, and although Poe had been frustrated about it for the first couple of months, he was grateful the girl wouldn’t get expelled for this one stupid mistake, or the ten other ones she might make along the way.

As soon as he opened the door to the Teacher’s Lounge he heard a little squeal and next second, Rey had abandoned her seat and thrown her arms around him. Rose was there too, still sitting at the table hugging a mug of hot tea. Poe grinned at her over Rey’s shoulder and gave her a little wave.

“At least someone missed me,” he laughed, giving Rey a squeeze before putting her back down again. “How’ve you been?”

Rose stretched and made her way over more casually. “You only sent two pictures. Rey was really upset about that.”

“Ha.” Poe shook his head and poured himself a mug of coffee. He hadn’t slept properly in what felt like weeks, and that was probably true no matter which way you looked at things. First the worry had kept him from getting a good night’s sleep. Then the last three days had been packed with taking care of a baby day and night. But neither Rey nor Rose were so unlikeable he needed to bore them half to death. 

“How is he then? And how’s Armitage?” Rey asked, almost bouncing along as she followed him to the fridge.

“They’re fine.” He was on the verge of telling them about how he had heard Armitage singing that night, or that he’d woken up this morning to find Armitage lying on his back with Arthur sprawled on his chest. But that didn’t seem right. This was private. More intimate and more fragile than anything else had ever been. He pressed his lips together. Was he turning into Armitage? Since when was he afraid of sharing things? “They’re out shopping right now. You know, diapers, food, junk food for tonight…”

“Oh, we’ll bring proper food,” Rose said, casually leaning against the counter with her arms folded over her chest. “Finn is making something. Don’t know what yet, but it’s good usually.”

“Oh come on, tell us more!” Rey exclaimed. There were blotches of red on her cheeks and for a moment Poe wondered when he’d ever seen her this excited. He couldn’t quite remember. “How is he adjusting to you guys? How are you adjusting?”

Poe smiled into his mug and took a sip. “It’s a process. And we’re right in the middle of it.” He really was avoiding the questions, wasn’t he? And he remembered how annoyed Rey had been when Armitage had used the same tactic. He cleared his throat, wishing the scratching at the back of it would go away. “No, it’s going alright. It’s not easy, but we’ll get there eventually.”

“Sure.” Rey raised her eyebrow and exchanged a look with Rose. Clearly the two of them had been talking. Was he a completely different person from the man who had left Anchorhead on Christmas Day? Probably not. But he felt different, and that feeling wasn’t only restricted to his weariness.

“If you need help, you know who to call.”

Taking a gulp that was far too big for coffee that hot, Poe avoided smiling at them. “No, I know,” he said. “How’ve things been around here? How was everything with Chad?” He looked back at the door, momentarily startled by his own boldness to discuss this sensitive topic in here.

“He’s… good with paperwork,” Rose said tentatively. “But… you know… talking is not his strong suit.”

“Yeah, but the bullies are terrified of him.” Leaning next to Poe, Rey snatched a cookie from the plate some good soul had placed there. “He’s a really good guy. And he stood up to Pryde as best he could.”

Poe sighed. Pryde. Of course. “It sucks so much that First Order has become a big player here,” he sighed. “I mean, they’re just supposed to be a publisher.”

“Finn says one of the local guys offered to buy the book shop.”

Poe nearly dropped his mug. “What?”

“Yes, well.” Rey pulled a face before she started nibbling at her cookie. “They deal in books mostly… I guess they really want to show their presence here.”

“Oh God, I hope it doesn’t come to that.” Poe shuddered. He didn’t even want to think about what it might mean if First Order took over the bookshop too. “What did he say?”

“He laughed at him,” Rey said with a frown, eyes fixed on Rose. “I doubt it was a good idea, though. The guy didn’t even attempt a smile.”

Poe swallowed hard. “You were there?”

“Yeah,” Rose took a cookie herself and pulled up one of the chairs standing close by. “He waltzed in like he already owned the place. It was disgusting.”

He frowned into his mug. He really ought to call Finn. And soon. After they’d received the news that they would get to take Arthur home, he hadn’t even texted him again, except to thank him for his help. “Anything we can do to help?”

“I mean, it’s been only a week.” Rose shrugged, broke her cookie in half and offered part of it to Poe. “Nothing’s happened yet.” 

Poe let out a sigh. “Any good news?” he asked, desperate to hear at least something good. “Any at all?”

Rey broke into a grin. “Well, we won the last soccer game, if that’s what you mean…” She winked at Rose. “Armitage should come in some time this week, though.”

The window display was decorated perfectly for advertising Rey’s new book. Armitage felt his heart leap at the sight of the books stacked there and the drawings of ancient Alexandria. They fit the tone of the story so well, that Armitage had to pause and look at them. Where had Finn found them, he wondered, as he shifted Arthur from one arm to the other and pushed open the door.

“Hello?” he called into the seemingly empty room. The rows of books were stacked as neatly as always, the newest, most popular titles closest to the counter. “Finn?”

He ignored the crumbs of cookies falling on his arm as he moved further into the shop. How many cookies was a kid that age allowed to eat anyway? Armitage turned his head to look at Arthur. The boy was happily breaking off pieces with the two front teeth he already had.

“Yeah, I’m coming!” came the familiar voice from somewhere at the back. A few moments later, Finn appeared close to the bookshelf with the pre-owned books. The donation jar was half-full again, Armitage noticed. The people here truly were willing to donate quite a lot, weren’t they?

Finn’s face lit up when he saw him, his smile as infectious as ever. “Hey!” Finn said, his eyes darting between Armitage and Arthur. “I thought I’d only see you tonight.”

“I’ve just been to the shops, but I really need a book, so I figured I’d come here on the way back.” Armitage lifted Arthur a bit higher and tried to ignore the irritating sensation of crumbs slipping underneath his collar when Arthur pressed is head against his cheek.

“A book?” Finn laughed. It sounded nervous. A bit too high-pitched for him, and the grin vanished as quickly as it had come. “You’ve come to the right place,” he said, stretching out his hand to take Arthur’s. “Hey, friend. Do you want a book too?”

In response Arthur only pushed tighter against Armitage and dropped the cookie. Luckily Finn was quick enough to catch it. “He can always do with a book,” Armitage said quietly as Arthur held on tight to him. “But I was wondering if you have anything for… you know… parenting? I feel at a loss sometimes.”

Finn pressed his lips into a thin line before he took a step back and moved over to one of the shelves at the other end of the shop. “I have a few, but I haven’t read any of them.” He cleared his throat. “But I could show you which ones go really well and to which the reviews aren’t half bad?”

Armitage nodded as he followed Finn. “Sounds about right.” He patted Arthur’s back. What time was it? Half past eleven? Arthur had barely slept that night, and the last few days must have been even more exhausting for him than they had been for Armitage. It was probably high time he got the kid into bed. He had to pay better attention to that. “And if you have anything good for a guy who’s going to spend the next few months at home, let me know.”

There it was. That grin Armitage had been hoping to see.

“Nothing new from Rey.” Finn said. “But I think she started writing part three a few days ago. So here’s to hoping she’ll finish writing sooner.”

“Right.” Armitage smiled and took the two books which Finn had taken from the shelf. One was very thin, it couldn’t have more than two hundred pages, whereas the other was significantly larger and thicker. The first one was called _100 Questions You Never Dared to Ask About Parenting_ , the other one appeared to be a more comprehensive work on developmental stages of infants and toddlers. Both were probably a good idea, Armitage thought, nodding. “Thanks.” 

Finn hesitated for a moment, then he nodded. “Do you want a novel?”

“Sure.” Armitage nodded, following Finn along the shelves, past the young adult section and straight into the aisle reserved for historic novels.

“I had to think of you when it came in the other day,” Finn said, tapping his lips with one finger before taking out a book that was about the size of the parenting book he’d just given Armitage. “Phantom of the Opera from Raoul’s perspective. Gay romance. Everything you’re fond of.” He even winked at him as he held out the cover. A misty Paris street with a foreboding building as the focal point. Only one window at the very top was illuminated, everything else was shrouded in darkness. “Gloomy, but I think it might be something for you?”

“Very funny.” Armitage scoffed and shifted Arthurs slightly. How was it that the boy was so heavy? He was only six months old!

“I mean it, it’s not even that bad, I guess. I read the prologue and it seems like fun.” He shrugged and held it out to Armitage as well. Only then did Armitage’s gaze slip to the publisher’s logo in the bottom left-hand corner. First Order Publishing. Of course.

Swallowing hard, he nodded. He didn’t want to give money to that rotten company, but Finn usually was good at guessing which books Armitage might like. “Okay,” he said. “But you’re gonna have to give me a bag this time.”

Finn’s eyes drifted to Arthur who was clinging to Armitage’s neck now, and for a moment Armitage was sure he saw something like sadness in his eyes. “Sure,” Finn said instead and smiled again. “Hey, when should we be at your place tonight?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's being weird in this chapter. I'm sorry!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning at the end.

Laughing loudly Arthur rolled the ball away from himself and grabbed it again with a loud, ear splitting squeal when Rose rolled it back towards him. The green shirt with the white bear, which Armitage’s former neighbour had dropped off just before Finn, Rey and Rose arrived, made the kid look even more adorable. No wonder Rey and Rose were completely taken by him. Not that Poe could blame them, he himself couldn’t remember ever being this smitten himself. He still had to force himself to remain where he was and not join them.

Arthur was doing fine with these two, although he kept looking around for Poe and Armitage every other moment.

He heard the low, rumbling voices behind him as he was leaning against the wall, looking over at Rose, Rey and Arthur playing on the carpet and at Finn reading in one of the books which he had brought for Arthur. Poe kept his eyes trained on the scene in front of him, knowing full well that talking to Kes was hard for Armitage.

He wanted to know exactly what was being said, though, but instead of inching closer, he pushed himself away from the wall, picked up Millie who was slowly but surely making her way towards he ball that was being rolled over the floor, and sat down next to Finn.

“Thanks for those,” he said, pointing at the books and holding Millie close to his chest.

From here he had an even better view of the kitchen. Armitage and Kes were both leaning against the counter, each of them cradling a mug in their hands, both of them looking at their feet as they talked. Armitage looked tense, his shoulders almost hunched up. Seeing him like this nearly broke his heart. He doubted Armitage would ever truly be free of his feelings of insignificance, no matter how good his life had become. If Poe had the chance, he’d rip Brendol Hux limb from limb even now.

“Sure,” Finn said quietly, closing the book and stroking the cover with his fingertips. “You’re welcome.” He wasn’t meeting Poe’s eye. He wasn’t even smiling.

“You’re okay?”

Shaking his head, Finn put the book on the stack on the coffee table. “I’d better go. Long day tomorrow and all.” But he didn’t get up. For a moment he just sat there, looking at his hands as Rose picked up Arthur and Rey started singing a silly old nursery rhyme Poe didn’t know, but the words made Armitage look up and smile for a brief moment before he turned his attention back to Kes.

“Rey said some guy from First Order came to see you?”

Finn’s eyes darted to him for a moment, then he passed his hand over his face. “What?”

“They made you an offer?”

Blinking, Finn looked at his hands and pursed his lips. “Yeah,” he said slowly, “but I’m not gonna sell if that’s what you’re worried about. They’ll run me into the ground no matter what. I don’t stand a chance against them. At least this way I get to bow out on my own terms.”

“Doesn’t sound like you.” Poe leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he kept looking at Finn. “You never give up.”

Finn shrugged. “Well, I haven’t given up yet. I might be wrong about the situation. Who knows.” Swallowing hard, he scratched his chin and cleared his throat. “It’s a lot to take on, you know?”

“Yeah,” Poe said, wishing he knew anything else to say. Anything that wasn’t meaningless encouragement. For a moment he wondered if he should tell him about the jumper which Finn had given him and which Poe had finally worn in London. He doubted however that change of topic would cheer him up. “Armitage was at your store today?”

Nodding, Finn reached for his glass of water and took a large gulp. “Yeah, he came by this morning with… with your kid.” Now, that sounded weird. And not in a way that told Poe Finn had to get used to the concept as well. Finn was clutching the glass tightly in his hands and he quickly set it down on the table the second Poe shifted even a bit. “I gotta go,” he said abruptly, ignoring Rey and Rose turning to look at him. “Thanks for having me.”

There was just the flicker of a smile on his lips and it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. It felt like a punch to his stomach. “I’ll walk you out.”

Finn hesitated briefly, then he moved towards the hallway without looking back at the others. He had his hands in his pockets and was already by the door when Poe had only just managed to put down Millie and follow him.

“Are you ok?”

Letting out a long breath, Finn opened the door. The sun had already set and in the shadows cast by the doorframe Poe couldn’t read his face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Finn shrugged. “Nothing.”

It didn’t sound like it.

Poe followed him outside and closed the door behind them. Finn still hadn’t started to move towards his car.

“I really shouldn’t bother you with this.”

“Come on, you just started.”

“I mean, I shouldn’t bother _you_ with this.”

It was as though his tongue was glued to the top of his mouth. He knew that tone. Knew it so well, although he had only heard it once before. It had broken his heart then. He tried swallowing, but his throat was so dry he wasn’t even sure he could speak.

Finn stared at him, his eyes quickly dropping to his shoes the moment Poe returned his gaze.

Taking a deep breath, Poe approached him, hesitating a moment before touching Finn’s shoulder. God, he’d been so in love with this man once. And he’d been stupid about it. So damn stupid. Was this already too much? “Finn?”

Finn didn’t turn away from him now. That was something. It had taken them weeks before they could talk again then. And about half a year before they could be friends once more. Poe really didn’t want to do anything stupid again. Putting himself before Finn had been the worst mistake of his entire life.

“I-“ Finn shook his head. “I met someone?”

“Oh?” Poe dropped his hand the same moment his eyebrows rose up. He was waiting for a stab of jealousy in his chest, but all he felt was the weight dropping off his shoulders. “Why’s that a question?”

Finn kicked at a small stone lying on the narrow porch and Poe watched it fly high into the air and land in the dried-up grass with a muted _thump_. “I dunno,” he sighed. “He’s a good guy. I really like him,” he looked surreptitiously at Poe and Poe got the sense that he was about to add something that would be downright impossible to take back or ignore. “But I’m worried… I’m worried he might want more and I’m not sure… you know.”

Yes… yes, he knew. “What’s his name? How’d you meet?”

Shrugging, Finn shoved his hands into his pockets. “He works for First Order. He’s Pryde’s secretary.” He cleared his throat, but still wouldn’t look at Poe, who bit his lip to keep himself from saying something he would definitely regret. There was another mistake he had no intention of repeating. He didn’t have to, luckily. “He’s thinking of quitting, actually.” With a sigh, he sat down on the topmost step and Poe didn’t hesitate to sit down next to him.

They were quiet for a moment and Finn started turning the ring on his right middle finger. It gleamed softly in the light of the streetlamp up ahead.

Poe felt his eyes drawn to it. There hadn’t been much more than a few kisses between him and Finn, and in the end, Finn had told him he’d liked it. But Finn had never done more than tug at his shirt to pull him closer. It hadn’t been enough for Poe and he hated himself for it even now. He should have been more understanding, more patient, but at the end of the day he knew he wanted more out of a relationship and he’d been almost grateful when Finn had broken up with him. What a coward he was.

He folded his own hands and looked down at them. The engagement ring on his own right hand didn’t look too dissimilar from Finn’s. “So…” Poe began, when he’d finally found the strength to talk again. “You’re sure he wasn’t sent by First Order to get you to sell the bookstore?”

Finn laughed, no trace of bitterness in his voice. “No, I’m sure. He’s a terrible actor.”

Nodding, Poe kept looking at his hands. “And you’re not sure if he’ll be okay with you not wanting to sleep with you, or if he’ll be like me.”

There was no answer for a moment and Poe felt Finn tense up beside him. “Well that… and seeing Armitage with that kid… knowing you and Armitage have a kid now… it hurts, you know?”

Poe nodded. “Yeah, I get that.” He knew this was hard for him. Harder than it was for Poe. But he couldn’t say he was sorry. He couldn’t tell him it was easy for him to live with that. “You should just talk to him about it. And… if he’s gay, he probably knows what that ring you wear means anyway.”

“Probably.” Finn sighed and finally Poe found it in him to look up again. To face Finn. “We went out together a couple of times and it was nice, but… you know…”

“No, I don’t actually,” Poe said bluntly. “Just because I was a jerk doesn’t mean he will be.”

“You weren’t.”

“Whatever.” Poe shrugged and passed a hand over his face. “I screwed it up by feeling so sorry for myself and I’m sorry. But this guy… if you like him you know what to do.” He could only hope that guy was better suited for Finn than he had been. “What’s he like? Has he… tried anything?”

“No… no, not like that.” Finn actually smiled at that, a relieved smile on his lips. “He’s pretty amazing to be honest… I mean, I’m sure you haven’t seen them yet, but he made the illustrations in my shop window. Of Rey’s book. I had them printed and put them up. I have to remember to give Rey one of them.”

Poe clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll work out,” he said helplessly, because how _was_ he supposed to know? But he hoped that it would.

Finn nodded.

“Feeling better now?”

Another nod. “A bit.”

Poe knew that this wasn’t over yet. That Finn still had a lot of stuff to work through and he could only pray that this guy was a good one. “You know you can talk to me, right? I’ll always be your friend, even if I was a lousy boyfriend.”

“Stop saying that.” Finn managed a short laugh and brushed his hand over his short curls. “I didn’t know myself until we gave it a shot. And I’m still working on finding everything out. It’s a process.”

Poe nodded. “I guess it is.”

“Is Finn alright?” Armitage asked later that night when everyone else had left and Arthur, after passing out in Kes’ arms, had been taken to bed.

“Yeah…” Poe dried off the last plate as Armitage stored the last bit of food in their failing fridge. “He met someone, but he’s worried about messing things up.”

Armitage didn’t smile as he leaned against the counter next to Poe. “Because of you two?”

“Well…” Poe shrugged. “It’s what he says, but I really hope it works out. I still feel bad about the way I acted back then, though…” He felt his cheeks go hot in shame even now. “But not everyone has to be a jerk like me.”

“Come off it,” Armitage said, shifting position, so he was standing right behind Poe, arms wrapped tightly about him, his lips nuzzling Poe’s neck. “You and Finn managed to pull yourselves together. Things didn’t work out. It happens. And you’re still friends. That’s more than a lot of people who’ve dated can say.”

Poe nodded. “He’ll be okay,” he told the plate in his hand. The guy had to have seen the ring. And if he hadn’t asked Finn about it by now, he must be sure what it meant. “He’s strong and he says this guy is decent. He has a good gut feeling about this sort of thing.”

“Good instincts?”

“You could call it that… he knew I liked you before I even knew it myself.”

“Now that I think about it, you weren’t being conspicuous about it.”

“No.” Poe managed a laugh and put down the plate along with the tea towel before turning around in Armitage’s arms, his hands trailing up those beautiful, slender arms. “You talked to my dad?”

“Yes, well,” Armitage’s eyes slid down to Poe’s chest and there was a faint blush on his cheeks as he spoke again. “We need to talk more, I guess.”

Yes, they did. And this was probably a good start. Even if Armitage didn’t feel like telling him everything straight away, he got the feeling that Armitage was at least a bit relieved about how things had gone today. “You’re okay?”

Armitage nodded and Poe hated that he had to bring something else up now. Something he’d put off far too long now.

“I’m meeting with Pryde tomorrow.”

The smile froze on Armitage’s lips. His eyes widened. From one second to the next, his entire body went rigid and he was about to take a step back when Poe’s fingers dug into his shirt sleeves to hold him there. “It’s just Pryde,” Poe said quietly. “Just this one guy, and I have to do this.” He was babbling, he knew he was, but he needed Armitage to know. To understand. “The parents are demanding we get the gym fixed, and they’re right.”

“Of course they are,” Armitage said tensely. “What else?” His voice was as cool as it had been the first few days Poe had known him and those few words cut through Poe like ice. “What else does he want you to do?”

“I don’t know yet, exactly, but someone from the council will be there too. And a parent representative. It’ll be alright,” he said, knowing full well that he was saying this for the second time that day, once again not knowing if what he was saying could even come true.

Armitage let out a huff and shook his head. One movement that made Poe release him. Whether it was because of the disappointment and hurt in Armitage’s eyes, or because the baby monitor in the corner had gone off, Poe didn’t know.

What he did know was that Armitage left the room without looking back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning concerning Finn. I'm not sure if I'm addressing this correctly. In this chapter Finn worries about a relationship he's about to start with another guy and how it's going to end this time around.
> 
> I hoped you liked this chapter, even if it took me forever to write it. I'm sorry!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief warning, when Armitage is thinking about the FO, Ben Solo also slips into his thoughts, but that's the only mention of FO.

His eyes were ready to fall shut the moment he lay down on the blanket next to Arthur. He’d just given Arthur his lunch, and the kid was now in his crib, his stubby fingers touching the bars separating him from Armitage.

Not that Armitage needed another invitation, but the way those drooping eyes looked at him and the accompanying painful jab of joy in his chest, made him stretch out his own hand and touch Arthur’s. “Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered softly, grateful the carpet in Arthur’s room, their former office, was so soft. He reached for one of the bigger stuffed animals and shoved it under his head, his fingertips touching Arthur’s. “You’ll be okay, you know that, right?”

He didn’t know how often he’d told Arthur that by now. How often he had spoken these words or words that were quite similar. “You’re okay,” he repeated, turning so he lay on his side.

Arthur’s eyes fell shut with these words and Armitage couldn’t help but stare at him, incapable of believing that a week ago he’d been worried he couldn’t be able to be the person Arthur needed him to be.

Arthur was so easy to love. And apparently Arthur liked him back. Who’d have thought that could happen… but then again, he hadn’t thought Poe could love him either.

There it was again. Another stab in his chest.

He and Poe had only spoken the bare minimum the previous evening and that morning, and then only to coordinate when Poe would be back and what he might like for dinner. Pryde would be there today, making sure that First Order got a firm footing in their school. What would even be left of that place?

And why the heck was Armitage so fiercely opposed to it? They needed funding. Desperately. So who gave a damn where the money came from?

The thing was, that his gut told him that this wasn’t a good idea. He had a very bad feeling about all of this.

Not at all.

Because he knew, he just knew where that money had come from.

Arthur let out a long breath as he drifted off to sleep, the warm fingertips sliding out of Armitage’s hand.

Arthur had no idea. And it was probably better that way. He wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge that his father had done all he could to make that company he was working for even richer. Literally all he could. Armitage remembered all to well the few conversations he’d overheard, because those few instances had been enough. And Arthur wouldn’t have to go through that. He didn’t even have to know. At least not for a while. There might come a day when he would ask questions, questions about his birth parents, but for now Armitage was grateful that Brendol Hux was no concern of Arthur’s for the foreseeable future.

Sighing, he closed his eyes. He was so sick of it. So sick of First Order and the people associated with it appearing in his life. But maybe he should have expected this. After all, Ben was from here. This was his home town, the school was part of his mother’s legacy. Of course he wanted to be involved in some way, even if that way meant controlling as much of it as possible. That was so typical.

Control was all that mattered to Ben Solo.

His phone vibrated softly against his leg. And his eyes flew open straight away. Poe… what if it was Poe?

Arthur was breathing so deeply already, it was hard to believe he’d been happy eating his mashed potato mere minutes ago. What a lucky guy to be able to sleep so soundly.

Slowly, Armitage took the phone out of his pocket and looked at the screen. A message from Rey. _Care to come by the school at around 3? I got something you have to see._

Armitage ignored the fancy car parked right beside his as he set up the stroller for Arthur, even though his heart was hammering in his chest. One look was enough for him to know for sure that Pryde was still at the school and for a moment he had been on the verge of driving off again.

But just for a moment.

Was he still nervous? Yes, damn it, he was, but he knew Rey wouldn’t have called him here if she didn’t know he could be okay.

Taking out his phone, he checked his messages again.

Nothing new.

Not even from Poe.

His hands were trembling slightly as he shoved the phone back into his pocket and made his way over to the main entrance, hoping against hope he didn’t run into Pryde now.

Why though?

Why was he this nervous? Pryde wasn’t his father, he reminded himself. Yes, Pryde may be one of the many people his father had worked with, but damn it, he wasn’t as dangerous as Brendol Hux!

And still he felt his stomach coil into a tight knot when he pushed Arthur into the cooler entrance hall. His eyes immediately darted to the right, to where the administration area was located, but he quickly turned his attention to the left. To where Rey was standing, typing on her phone.

Pryde would recognize Arthur for sure. Or at least he would know what was up.

And then what?

Swallowing hard, Armitage picked up his pace, trying to ignore the sense of dread that was creeping over him now. Arthur was his. His and Poe’s. And nobody would take the boy away from them. Not Pryde anyway.

Rey looked up from her phone when he was halfway through the hall and her grin made her eyes shine brightly. She was just as excited as she’d been the previous night and her eyes immediately turned to Arthur. “Hey!” Rey grinned at him. “You two look like you could do with a couple more hours of sleep.”

“Thank you, that is very nice to hear,” Armitage replied softly. “What’s up? You didn’t say in your message.”

Nodding Rey stepped next to him and wound her arm around his waist. “No, that would’ve ruined the surprise.”

_I’m all done with surprises to be honest_ , Armitage thought glumly, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. If anyone meant well, it was Rey.

He looked over his shoulder at the door to Poe’s office.

Had it really only been a few weeks since he’d been in here last This school had been the place where he spent most hours of the day. He’d met Poe here, had started making a life for himself within these walls. And to think that it would be months until he’d even get the chance to be back here.

The stroller shook slightly when Arthur moved, trying to reach for the little plushie hanging over his head. What a silly addition, Armitage had thought when Kes put it up there. But if anything, it kept Arthur occupied.

“Where are we going?” Armitage asked and only a fraction of a second later, Rey stopped in front of the vast double doors to the auditorium. “What?”

She winked at him and pushed the door open.

Armitage’s heart missed a beat when he saw his students standing on stage. All of them. Georgina. Mark. Nick. Freya. Sarah. Christine. Tim. Christopher. Rami.

Even from the door, Armitage could see them all grinning at him and he felt his heart miss a beat as he stood rooted to the spot, staring at them.

“Hey, Mr Hux!” Georgina shouted at him, waving wildly and Rey, her hand on his back, shoved him inside. He heard the familiar squeak of linoleum underneath his shoes as he slowly made his way towards the stage.

“Hey!” he smiled and his smile only widened when their gazes, one after the other, turned to Arthur.

“Is that him?” Mark asked, sitting down on the edge of the stage to peer into the pram. “Your kid?”

Armitage nodded. Had these children grown that much these past few weeks? Somehow he remembered them being smaller, their faces rounder. Or had his perception just shifted?

Nick’s voice seemed lower as he sat down next to Mark now. “You and Mr Dameron are really going fast, huh?” He flinched when Georgina hit him on the back, but Armitage couldn’t help but grin at him. The comment made the silence of the previous evening seem even more prominent. Still, the warm, indescribably fuzzy feeling in his chest remained, making it impossible for him not to think that, yes, Nick was right.

“Well, once you reach a certain age you don’t have that much time to waste”, he said instead. Yes, he’d been angry. He still hadn’t managed to put that feeling away. And how could he? Poe hadn’t lied to him, but he’d kept this appointment from him to the last possible moment. And yet… there was no doubt in Armitage’s heart that things would work out. Somehow. For him and Poe at least. How could it be otherwise?

And as he bent over the stroller and picked up Arthur, he realized that the man he’d been a year ago, heck the guy he’d been a month ago, would have been far less optimistic. Far less confident in what he and Poe shared.

“So, what is this?” he asked, holding Arthur close to him. He turned to look at Rey, who was now sitting in one of the chairs behind him, arms draped elegantly on the armrests.

Still grinning, she and pointed to Mark. “I was just tasked to fetch you here. This is all on them.”

“What is?” Raising an eyebrow, Armitage looked up at the boys and girls now sitting cross-legged on the stage. They exchanged a few looks and finally Georgina nudged Mark in the ribs.

Frowning, the boy pushed her off him. “Will you stop manhandling me?”

She scoffed, crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at the ceiling. “Shut up and tell him.”

“There’s a reason you’re not the director,” Mark said with a roll of his eyes. “Fine.” He slapped his thighs and then his hand slipped into Nick’s as though it was the most natural thing in the world. To them it probably was.

“We kept rehearsing while you were gone,” Rami cut across him. “And we want to keep going.”

“Yeah, and Mr Dameron came to talk to us about that yesterday.” Christopher nodded, hands on hips. “He said-“ He cleared his throat. “Well, to be honest, he told us to keep this quiet until he had the chance to talk to you himself.”

Well, there it was. The sting he hadn’t thought he’d encounter now. Another thing Poe hadn’t told him. Swallowing hard, he turned his head away when Arthur, once again, reached for his chin.

Tim spoke up then. He barely ever spoke, except to make his voice boom through the auditorium. “But we’d talked to Miss Skywalker first, so we had him promise us not to, you know…” He cleared his throat. “Do it instead of us.”

No. No, he didn’t, but he quickly swallowed his anger and looked at the teenagers sitting in front of him. “What?”

“Well, we’d been rehearsing and wondering if you wanted to come in with your kid when you can and… you know, give us advice? But then Mr Dameron said he might find a way to make it work?”

Poe said he might find a way to make it work. Him being back here. If only for a couple of hours a week. Not teaching Music, but directing the school play.

Armitage looked at Arthur in his arms. At the child clinging to him as though for dear life. Could he do this? “We’ll see,” he said quietly, meeting Arthur’s gaze. His heart felt like a hammer within his chest. Could Arthur feel it? Could he sense the thumping against his ribs? “You know it’s going to be difficult for now, right?” He licked his lips and looked back up at the teenagers.

As he watched the smiles slowly vanishing from some of their faces, he couldn’t help but feel responsible. This was his doing. He had made this happen. And, damn it, he knew, how hard it was to realize that the play you’d been training for was most likely not going to happen. That the lines you’d learned and the hours upon hours of work and passion you had poured into the project might be for nothing.

With a sigh, he turned to look at Rey. “They actually rehearsed every week?”

She was still sitting in her chair, like a queen in front of her subjects. What a strange person she was. “Almost every day.”

“Huh.” Armitage closed his eyes. “Well,” he looked at Arthur again, revelling in the touch of the warm palm against his chin. The child was fixed on him. He depended on him. On him and Poe, and Armitage would be damned if he gave this up. Even for being able to help the kids with the play. He couldn’t go back. Not full-time, anyway. “I’ll try to figure something out,” he found himself saying despite it all. “But I can’t do this on my own.”

He turned to look at Rey, who shrugged. “You could ask another teacher to help you out when you can’t make it?”

“Didn’t Miss Skywalker say she liked theatre?!” One of the boys behind Armitage exclaimed, his tone so artificial Armitage felt suspicion stir inside him. With a groan, he sat down next to Rey. Rey, who was so relaxed as though none of this really mattered to her. Looking up at the kids, he caught Christopher quickly averting his gaze to keep himself from grinning.

And that was when Armitage knew this had already been decided. That they’d tried to play him. “Well, Miss Skywalker,” he muttered, reaching into his pocket to get out one of the very crumbly cookies he kept there for Arthur. He settled the kid against his chest and opened the wrapper. Everybody’s eyes were on him now and when he heard the door to the auditorium behind him open once more and next second Poe’s voice echoed through the room, greeting the kids first of all, he didn’t turn around. What an entrance. What a show. Perfectly adequate for a high school drama club. “Why don’t you try and prove to me you did better work with this adaptation of _Peter Pan.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to write. Hope you guys are still alright and still like this fic :-P Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

Poe sat next to Rey, Arthur on his lap, while the drama club and Armitage worked on the next scene. Armitage felt his eyes on him every now and again, but he refused to look at him. He couldn’t deal with the distraction.

He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling, but he could at least be sure that, if Poe was in here, Pryde had most certainly left the building.

Instead, he kept his focus on Georgina and Rami, who were going through one of the scenes. This adaptation of Peter Pan was significantly darker than the original written by Barrie, and Armitage wouldn’t even have thought of picking that one up for the school. It was such a wonderful new interpretation of the classic story, though, and Armitage had loved it the moment Finn pointed it out to him during break. It was perfect for these kids. To escape to Neverland, even at their age. And they were doing a nice job. Of course it was nowhere near what he could have hoped for on Broadway or in the West End, but who gave a damn? These were his students. And they were pursuing their passion. He was standing towards the back in the middle of a row of seats, watching as Wendy and Peter talked, kneeling in front of each other, their bodies slightly angled towards the audience. It showed that they had worked a lot during these past few weeks. They knew their lines, they even managed to pick up a certain dynamic, where Georgina followed Rami’s hands as he traced the air to illustrate his role in the world. It was one of the very few instances of the play in which Peter wasn’t focused on denying he’d grown up despite his best efforts. 

And then the scene was over and already Christopher, who was playing Hook, was on his way on stage, but Armitage clapped his hands together, immediately reminding himself of that one drama teacher he’d had at university. That teacher always clapped his hands together once to draw the actors’ attention. “Okay, that’s enough for today. You need to get home, or your parents will give Miss Skywalker very nasty calls.”

Christopher rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, to hurry back to the steps leading down from the stage again.

“So, you’ll think about it?” Mark shouted out to him and Armitage crossed his arms over his chest as he watched the children grab their bags.

The knot that was his stomach tightened even more when Poe turned around in his seat to look at him with a raised eyebrow. Yet another way to coax a promise out of him. Poe looked relaxed, his eyes sparkling with anticipation and Armitage found himself nodding. “We’ll talk about it,” he said, evoking a low wolf-whistle from Nick, who shut up very quickly the moment Armitage fixed him with a severe stare.

But Nick didn’t blush. He merely threw his arm around his boyfriend and started dragging him up towards the main doors. “You’re gonna talk to me too?” Armitage heard Nick say to Mark in a low voice that made Armitage wish he hadn’t heard it.

“I’m gonna head home as well,” Rey said, stretching and patting Poe’s head gently before turning around to look at Armitage as well. All the children had left the auditorium. “Rose is probably already waiting for me.”

As she made her way over to the door, she winked at him, but he didn’t even nod at her. Yes, he was grateful he’d called her here, and with Poe’s help was trying to make this happen, but he wasn’t entirely happy with the situation. And he hated realizing that it wasn’t just because Pryde had been here and Poe hadn’t told him about it.

When he finally managed to make his feet move again, Poe had already put Arthur back into the stroller and was making his way toward him in the centre of the auditorium.

“Can we talk now?” he heard how weak his own voice sounded, but with Poe that still didn’t really matter. Not even now.

The tone of his voice didn’t make Poe frown at him, or tell him to just get a grip. Instead, he put the breaks on Arthur’s stroller so he wouldn’t just roll down back towards the stage and walked up to Armitage.

For what seemed like a whole minute, Poe was standing right in front of him, arms hanging loosely at his side and not speaking a single word. His hands were twitching, as though on the verge of reaching out to him, but instead he shoved them into his pockets. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I didn’t know how to tell you before. I was a coward.”

The words stung and Armitage shook his head fervently as he stroked Poe’s arms. “You told me, though.” It was all he could say and he felt Poe’s arms tense up beneath his touch even now.

“And you don’t have to do this directing thing, only the kids made me promise not to tell you and-“

“It’s okay.” Armitage fingers dug into Poe’s shoulders. “I want to do it.” He took a deep breath. Holding Poe’s gaze was hard. He knew what he should say. What he had to say. Under any other circumstances, he’d have kissed him, pushed him up against the wall, grinding his hops into Poe’s. Anything for a distraction. But Arthur was here.

“I’m sorry,” Armitage said, his heart aching with longing as he watched the furrow between Poe’s eyebrows vanish. He brushed his thumbs over them. Time to say it. Poe knew it anyway, so he might as well come out with it. “I’m terrified.”

Poe nodded and Armitage could almost hear what he wasn’t saying. _That’s why you’re acting like a jerk._ He could hear the intonation and the way he would smile at the last word. “He was quite civil,” Poe said instead, leaning in and his hands on Armitage’s waist. “I showed him around… showed him the places where their investment would go. Dave came along as well and Chad…” he swallowed visibly as he inched a bit closer so their toes were touching. “We won’t have to deal with the all the time… and they’re offering training programs for the kids. It’s not bad, really. It’s the best some of the kids here can hope for.”

He was right. Of course he was, but still Armitage couldn’t ignore the sensation of his insides churning and twisting at the thought of those people taking over even more of the town. He bit his lip and nodded tentatively. There was no way to fight this. “When does it start?”

Poe bit his lip and dropped his gaze for a moment. The furrow between his brows was back. “Pryde already left a check in my office. I called Rose’s dad, asking him to make an offer on the gym floor again. His prices must have risen since last year.”

That fast… things were moving so fucking fast. He nodded again, thinking that he didn’t want to have this issue on his mind for the next couple of hours. “Are you done here?”

Poe laughed and he pulled Armitage a bit closer, his thumbs drawing circles on his shirt. “I could go home now.”

“Let’s get to the new place, though,” Armitage said quietly. “Kes called. The walls are done.”

“We should show him, huh?” Looking over his shoulder at Arthur, Poe took hold of his shirt, pulling at it ever so slightly. “You want to see your new room, buddy?”

“I guess you guys could start painting the walls this weekend.” Kes was right behind them as they climbed the stairs which had come in the previous week. Arthur was on his arm, fumbling with Kes’ collar like it was the most important thing on his mind and Armitage did his best not to tell Kes to be careful. Kes knew what he was doing.

He felt Poe’s hand slip into his as they stood in what would later be his office overlooking the fields below them. He knew exactly where his desk would go. He’d known it from the moment he first saw the plans. Right there by the window, so he could take a look at those fields. There was a space for everything he could possibly ask for. A comfortable chair, a bookshelf and his desk. He couldn’t remember ever having an office of his own before. The floors would come in in two weeks, and then it would finally be time to move in. He exchanged a look with Poe and felt Poe’s excitement jumping onto him like a spark. His heart skipped a beat when Poe pulled him closer and he heard Kes’ retreating footsteps.

“Look, this is gonna be your room,” Kes was saying, undoubtedly showing the kid what would have been the guest room otherwise.

Poe’s thumb stroked over the back of his hand, drawing small circles on his skin and Armitage threw a quick look at the hole in the wall where there hadn’t been a door until that afternoon. “We should get to the store and buy some paint and wallpaper then.”

“I had no idea you were so fond of painting.”

Shaking his head, Poe buried his face against his chest and Armitage’s arms went around him immediately. He felt the hot breath against his shirt, felt the fabric shift against his skin as Poe returned the hug, pulling him tightly against himself. “I hate painting.” His voice sounded so small, the tone of it carrying so much more than his loathing for renovating.

Armitage leaned his cheek against the side of Poe’s head, eyes still trained on the door. What was he to say to that? He buried his hand in Poe’s hair, his own heart trembling when he felt the wet-hot tears against his neck. “It’s okay,” he whispered helplessly, “I can do that.” His throat was tight when he saw Kes emerge from the room, Arthur still securely on his arm. Their eyes met and Armitage almost expected Kes to step in. To tell Armitage to get away from Poe, but instead Kes nodded and held up Arthur against his face.

“Do you wanna get a banana? You hungry?”

Arthur stuck out his tongue at him but when Kes turned away, heading back towards the staircase, his little face contorted into a grimace, tears welling up in his eyes. Shaking his head, Armitage kissed Poe’s temple and left him standing there. “Wait,” he said quietly, that stupid heart in his chest aching from just seeing Arthur like that. He reached into his pocket to produce another one of the cookies.

Kes paused, still holding Arthur tightly in his arms. “It’s okay,” Armitage whispered, kissing Arthur’s nose before the kid could start crying again and pushing the cookie into Arthur’s hand. “Kes is the best at making bananas, aren’t you Kes?”

“Sure am!” Kes said, kissing Arthur’s cheek and drawing a short giggle from him. “Listen, your dads gotta talk. They’ll be right with us okay?”

It wasn’t okay.

Arthur was quiet, still clutching his cookie as Kes carried him down the stairs and for as long as he could keep an eye on Armitage. But when the front door closed behind them both, Armitage could hear the wailing again and only Poe’s hand on his shoulder, held him back from jumping down the staircase and running straight after him.

“They’re both gonna have to learn,” Poe said quietly, his voice still thick with emotion.

He was done. He was so damn tired.

Slowly, Armitage sank down to sit on one of the stairs. Arthur was still crying, the tone so shrill he felt it ripping at his heart. “He’s terrified of being left again.”

“Yeah, but he’s not gonna be alone,” Poe said, settling in behind Armitage, his legs on either side of him. “He’ll be alright, but he has to realize that we’ll always come back for him and that he’s safe with my dad.” He cleared his throat and put his arm around Armitage. Somehow the words meant more. More that their plain meaning concerning Arthur.

Closing his eyes, Armitage put his cheek against Poe’s arm, breathing in his familiar scent. Just a few minutes, he told himself, Poe’s chest pressed up against his back, their bodies perfectly aligned, and Poe’s body heat seeping into his clothes. “He’ll be alright,” Armitage repeated.

“Yeah,” Poe’s breath brushed over his scalp and next second Poe’s lips were on his neck. “And I think you really should direct that play. I figured it out. We can even pay you for the hours you spend in school. Not much, but you won’t lose touch with the kids… if that’s what you want.”

Yes, yes it was. He took a shuddering breath and put a hand on Poe’s arm. “I don’t want to leave Arthur alone… not right now.”

“No, I know.” Poe was quiet for a moment, his lips still warm and soft against Armtiage’s neck. “You could bring him… take him over to my office or something… or maybe my dad would like to take him? I mean-” He cleared his throat and his arms around Armitage tightened. “I love that you’re taking care of Arthur like this, but I don’t think I can support the three of us indefinitely.”

Closing his eyes, Armitage nodded. “No.” His throat was tight and he leaned into Poe’s warmth. They had talked about this right at the beginning. Poe had talked to Kes about this very early on. This was the right call. Even earning _some_ money right now that they were building a house and needed to support a child on top of everything else, was better than no money at all, and in the end it would make going back to school full time that much easier. But still… Arthur’s screams were still ringing in his ears. “I’ll be back to teaching full time in two months,” he whispered, “just like we said.”

“Take half a year if you feel like it. We’ll manage that too. Half a year will be okay.”

Yes, they would… but at what cost? He took a deep breath, trying to free his airways from the constricting pressure on his windpipe.

“You know, when I went to work yesterday morning I felt like the worst person in the world, leaving you two alone.”

Armitage laughed despite himself. “You know you’re the best person I’ve ever met, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do,” Poe said, the grin so apparent in his voice that Armitage had to turn around in his arms just to see it. And there it was. That grin and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes. “But seriously though,” Poe said, kissing the side of his nose. “I hated feeling that way. And I know you can handle it, but you know I love that little guy too, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Yes, he did know that, but somehow the words didn’t match with the turmoil in his head. Instead he said: “I’m such a hen, aren’t I?”

Poe chuckled. “Yeah, you are. But so am I. And that’s okay. And I know you don’t like what’s going on at school with Pryde and everyone, you have every reason not to. I don’t like it either, but we’re gonna pull through, okay? We can live our lives and if push comes to shove, we’ll find a way to send them to jail. Every single one of them.”

“Sure,” Armitage said, returning Poe’s grin. “Didn’t know you’re a cop too.”

“Sh…” Poe muttered, pressing his cheek to Armitage’s. He liked this. Liked being held like this. Liked Poe towering over him. It made him feel protected. Cherished. In a way that no other human being before Poe had ever managed to do, perhaps apart from his mother. “I’m undercover. Have been for the past ten years, just waiting for First Order to stretch out their fingers for a fucking high school in the middle of nowhere. Shush, don’t blow my cover, Hugs.”

Armitage closed his eyes, another feeling tugging at his insides again. They had to get back to the house and to Arthur. They had to rescue Kes from Arthur’s constant wailing. “Okay…” he breathed. “I love you.”

There was a short stretch of silence during which Poe brushed his hand through Armitage’s hair, tugging gently at it before sighing. “Let’s never again go to bed angry,” Poe whispered into his hair and Armitage nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more drama and some more fluff. I'm gonna jump ahead in time a bit for the next chapter, so be prepared :-D Hope you're still enjoying my little comfort fic. I guess there's 3-4 chapters left to go. We'll see.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning in the notes at the end of the chapter.

Somehow he’d expected to feel a twinge of jealousy seeing Finn with his new boyfriend. Even though things between them had ended long ago and he was now with Armitage, he’d still expected it to sting. And he was relieved when it didn’t.

He took a sip of the cool drink in his hand and, leaning against the railing leading up to their porch watched Finn and Phillip sitting on a bench a few feet away, talking in low voices to Rey and Rose, who was holding Arthur in her arms. Rey and Rose were discussing adopting a kid too by now, and Poe was relieved to find that Finn was more comfortable around Arthur these days. It had taken him some time and Poe had no idea how he really felt about him and Armitage having a kid now, but he seemed more at ease. Especially since he’d started bringing man with the bright blond hair and the amber eyes along to their weekly meetings. This was probably one of the reasons why Poe wasn’t jealous. Phil was a decent guy by the looks of it and, and that was the most important thing, Finn smiled easily around him. Especially since Phil had indeed quit working for Pryde.

Inside he could hear the soft tunes of Armitage’s piano and Poe didn’t have to turn around to imagine him sitting there, eyes fixed on the sheet music that he didn’t even have to look at anymore, but which he kept there just in case. Armitage would almost nod along in time, his lips tight on the exact moments when he was urging to sing.

The sounds made Poe’s heart flutter, but instead of turning around, he closed his eyes, revelling in the sounds of the piano and the voices drifting over to him over the sizzling of the barbecue to which Rey was supposed to be tending.

Kes was inside as well, insisting that he take over making the salad and telling Armitage to spend some more time with his new piano.

It wasn’t new. Not by a long shot, but Poe had bought the best he could afford and the expression on Armitage’s face when he saw it the day they moved in had been priceless.

And now Poe turned around, arms crossed over his chest as he watched Armitage’s fingers fly over the keys, his back straight and his eyes focused on what he was doing.

Trying not to make a sound, Poe moved over to him, past the large dining table, where he set down his glass until he stood right behind Armitage. His heart seemed to expand, to press against his ribs and his lungs, making it nearly impossible to breathe normally, and slowly he put his hands on Armitage’s shoulders, sensing the tension there that didn’t suggest stress, but focus. Slowly, he bent over him, hugging Armitage close to him and immediately Armitage stumbled over a few notes.

Letting out a long sigh, Armitage closed his eyes and repeated the passage, this time without stumbling. Poe pressed his cheek to Armitage’s calling to mind the previous night when they had both lain in their new bed, too exhausted for sex and too worried Arthur might hear them.

They were still worried about that.

Even now after three whole months.

“You’re so good at this, Mr Dameron,” Poe whispered and once again Armitage’s fingers stumbled, but this time he let his fingers fall into his lap. “Already regret taking the name?”

He felt Armitage shake his head. “Just not used to it yet,” he mumbled, his voice thick with emotion. The instances where he let it show became more and more frequent and every time one of these moments appeared, Poe felt like catching it and holding it close for the rest of his life.

“Well, it’s only been a day,” Poe whispered into his ear, revelling in Armitage’s trembling at these words. He picked up both of Armitage’s hands to look at the rings on his husband’s fingers. The black and silver one on the right hand, the silver one on the left. It was a small miracle that his mother’s ring fit on Armitage’s hand, but then again, Armitage’s fingers were slender and his mother’d had big hands. “I’m happy to see you wear these.”

“And to know I’m yours?”

“I didn’t know you could be such a romantic,” Poe smiled, his eyes drifting to the white and black keys.

“You should have guessed… I’m a gay musical actor. Of course I am.”

“Deep down.”

Armitage nodded. “Very deep down.” But Poe could hear the smile in his voice and next moment Armitage weaved his fingers through Poe’s. “But not enough to miss not having a big wedding.” He leaned into Poe’s touch.

“I also know you’re not much of a people person.” That wasn’t true, not entirely and there were a couple of people who’d be more than disappointed at being robbed that opportunity, but really, this was better. “I love you anyway.”

“Oh, here we go again.” Armitage laughed softly and then turned his head to the right. To the five people assembled there. Four of them hadn’t been present the previous day. Only Kes and Arthur had accompanied them to city hall. Armitage’s fingers tightened and Poe knew exactly what that meant. _I love you too._ “They’re not disappointed we’re not throwing a big party.”

“Well, they’re getting food and drink and get to hang around with people they like. The only thing missing is the dancing, really.”

Armitage scoffed. “Are you gonna make me?”

Shaking his head, Poe leaned in even closer so his lips were so close to Armitage’s ear, he felt his skin on his lips. “Maybe tonight.”

“Poe…”

He laughed and kissed his cheek. “You really shouldn’t make teasing you so much fun,” he said and stood up. “Play some more?” Poe watched Armitage take a deep breath and then lean back against Poe.

“Any special requests?”

“You know that song you sang when you proposed to me?” He grinned to himself as he watched Armitage’s neck turn red. “Just a suggestion. You don’t have to sing if you don’t want to. I’d be okay with that.”

Armitage looked over his shoulder at the friends assembled under the shade in their backyard. Millie and Chandler were basking in the sun outside and Poe doubted it would take long before the rest of Millie’s children moved into their house as well, or rather, moved between the big newer barn, his dad’s place and their new house, like it was nothing. Beebee was already perfectly happy with the new situation and spent most of the time in Poe’s and Armitage’s bed.

“Alright,” Armitage said quietly and once again he started playing, the melody sending shivers down Poe’s spine within seconds as he remembered that longing look Armitage had given him. It took all his self control not to hug him tight again. Or to drag him up to their bedroom.

“Poe? Armitage?”

He turned around to see Kes standing in the doorway leading off to the small kitchen, while Armitage kept playing. He was wiping his hand on his towel, a deep frown on his face. “There’s someone at the door for you.”

The music stopped and Rose’s laughter echoed into the house, clear and bright as always. “Who?” Poe asked, dreading the answer, because normally Kes wouldn’t have minded showing any guest inside, unless the visitor wasn’t welcome at all. Immediately Poe’s mind spiralled into a scenario where the final adoption papers they had received yesterday only minutes before deciding to drive off to city hall were fake. A scenario in which Thannisson had flown all the way from London to take Arthur away from them. That there had been some mistake, and he felt Armitage’s shoulders tense up beneath his fingers.

“Leia’s boy,” Kes said, still frowning and Armitage let out a low groan.

Solo was here? Why the hell would he come _here?_ He looked down at Armitage, who wouldn’t meet his gaze, but Poe took a step back automatically to give him room to get up. He wasn’t exactly pale, but Poe watched as his eyes darted back to Arthur and he only relaxed slightly, when he felt Poe’s hand on the small of his back. “We’ll make it quick,” Poe whispered quietly and Armitage nodded.

“I don’t even know why I’m nervous,” he said quietly, brushing a hand through his hair. “I was perfectly fine at Leia’s funeral.” That was true. In fact, Armitage had been so at ease in Solo’s company that Poe had felt downright jealous.

“It’ll be okay, come on. He can’t do anything to us.”

The doubtful glance Armitage threw him told him that Armitage believed far more in First Order’s power than Poe did. And maybe he was right. Maybe Poe was being naïve about this, but what could Solo possibly try to do to them? Offer Armitage to work for him for a third time? Try and humiliate him?

Yes… yes, that might be true. He wrapped his arm more tightly around Armitage’s waist and steered him towards the door, where Solo was already waiting. As tall and as broad-shouldered as he was, he nearly filled the entire door frame as he leaned against it, hands leisurely stuffed into the pockets of his expensive slacks with a large white envelope under his arm. Poe really had forgotten how tall he was… and how easily he used his imposing stature to intimidate just with his presence. What an utter jerk.

“Hey,” Solo said, his eye fixed on Armitage who stiffened in Poe’s arms. “Nice place.”

“Yes, it is,” Armitage said, taking a step forward and Poe knew instinctively to leave Armitage some room. Armitage could do this. Of course he could. He watched as Armitage’s jaw tightened. “What do you want here?”

Solo’s eyes slowly wandered down Armitage and Poe just knew Armitage was glad he’d chosen one of his best casual shirts for the day. Dark green with long sleeves that didn’t really suit the weather. They were the perfect protection against Solo’s gaze though and Poe had to keep himself from putting his arm around Armitage again.

“I hear your brother is staying with you?”

“We adopted him, yes,” Armitage said, the answer almost shooting out of his mouth. As though he’d only waited for Solo to say this… and maybe he had.

“Adopted him…” Solo nodded appreciatively and raising an eyebrow in a way that suggested he already knew. That he already knew about the final adoption papers which now lay on Poe’s desk, still waiting to be filed away. In the hurry to get to city hall the day before, they had all but forgotten to do that. How silly to think of that now… There was nothing Solo could do. Absolutely nothing.

Solo was still looking at Armitage as he slowly put his foot over the threshold. “What? You’re not gonna ask me in? Very private party you’re having here?”

Poe swallowed hard, shoving his hands into his pockets so Solo didn’t see he was balling them into fists. “Very,” he said coolly, determined not to take even a single step back. There was no way in hell he would let Solo even near his child.

Solo’s eyes drifted to Poe and he slowly raised an eyebrow. “Not very friendly considering the donations we made to your school.”

“Those donations have nothing to do with my family. If they were, you should have made that a condition. But you didn’t and unless m- Armitage wants you in here you should stay out.” He had to keep himself from calling Armitage his husband. Laying a claim on him like that would only help in infuriating Solo. Poe had heard of his bad temper after all.

“Fine,” Solo said quietly, taking the envelope from under his arm. He was looking at Armitage again, his dark eyes locked on his face. “So you adopted him, huh? Well, I didn’t know that had gone through yet, but either way, you’re gonna get a letter from your father’s lawyer soon. It’s about Arthur’s inheritance… and this is just some info about his shares in the company.” He held out the envelope to Armitage, who stared at the white paper with something close to disgust. Poe could almost hear his mind racing, could hear the thoughts whirling through his head as he tried to come to seize their full meaning. Inheritance… and those shares… was this the way then how Solo wanted to draw Armitage back in?

Poe’s mouth was dry as he thought about the implications of this envelope and he felt his heart thudding as Armitage reached for it, his hand steady. “We’ll take a look at it.”

“You’re gonna be able to control it for him, so you’d better have a lawyer take a look at it for you. Or I could give you the number of mine?”

Instead of answering, Armitage clutched the envelope close to his chest. “We’ll be fine, Ben,” Armitage said, but the words he left unspoken hung heavily in the air as he returned Solo’s icy glare. _Get out of my house._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Ben appears the moment Kez announces "Leia's boy." 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway. Sorry this took so long. There's been a lot of work for me this week and I got some news on Saturday that didn't make me want to write this for a few days.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, this took forever... but here's a slightly longer chapter. Enjoy!

“I don’t want to take a look at them.”

“Armitage.”

“I said no.”

With a sigh, Poe put the sickly white envelope on the desk before him where it lay next to a stack paperwork he’d brought home with him and passed his hand over his face. “We’re gonna have to deal with this eventually.”

“Not tonight.”

Poe glanced over his shoulder at the open door leading into the bathroom. They’d have to stop talking this loudly if they didn’t want to wake Arthur. They were already taking a risk. Arthur was a particularly light sleeper.

With a sigh, Poe looked down at the envelope again, his fingers itching to open it anyway. Arthur’s share in First Order was bound to be worth more than he could ever hope to make as a teacher. Brendol Hux, according to Armitage, hadn’t spent more than he absolutely had to, to keep up appearances. Hux had been rich, though, and soon they would find out how rich. Heck, the man had actually managed to bribe people to fire Armitage. First Order itself was as huge as companies like this could get, but what were _they_ supposed to do with those shares? What were they supposed to do with the inheritance? His initial thought of selling it all and donate the money had been one he’d dropped as quickly as it had occurred to him. He was certain Armitage wanted none of it, though he wasn’t entirely sure he could make that decision for Arthur. Could he? Could they? Slowly he turned away from his desk, telling himself there was plenty of time to get these things in order the next day. They could look for a lawyer together and get some advice before they had to actually make any decisions. And there was no way that was happening tonight.

On the way over to the bathroom, he threw a quick look into Arthur’s bedroom, where Beebee was fast asleep on the rug in front of the little cot. His dog clearly preferred sleeping in here now. Poe wasn’t sure if he should feel hurt. He went over to the next door and leaned in the doorway to their bathroom where Armitage was still brushing his teeth. He was wearing his sweatpants and a loose fitting T-shirt he’d taken from Poe the first time he had slept at his place. Not that there was anything special about it. It was just grey with a faded picture of David Bowie on the front. They hadn’t talked about it, but Poe had sneaked it into Armitage’s drawer ever since, and Armitage wore it as often as possible. “No you’re right,” he looked at him through the mirror, finding himself smiling as their eyes met. “We can talk about it tomorrow.”

Armitage nodded, the toothbrush still sticking out of the side of his mouth. How late was it anyway? Poe wondered as he moved in closer to put his arms around him, the familiar smell paired with the impressions of minty toothpaste and charcoal from the barbecue filling his nostrils. “I love seeing you in that shirt.”

“I’m aware.” Armitage hadn’t said much after Solo left and Poe had to admit, he was a bit worried about that. Not that it came entirely unexpected. “I thought it might be better than buying lingerie I’d never put on again.”

Poe laughed into Armitage’s shirt. The cotton held the warmth of his skin and Poe buried his face in it. “That’s what you think,” he muttered, pulling him close. “Though, to be fair, I like taking clothes off of you, no matter which…”

“Really?”

Poe looked up to see Armitage raising an eyebrow at him. One look that told him Armitage was a few steps ahead of him again. Poe let go of him and Armitage bent over the sink to spit out the toothpaste. “Well, I’m off to bed… and, no, I don’t want to hear another word about lawyers or that envelope, is that clear?”

“Sure.”

Armitage looked him in the eye again through the mirror and then dropped his toothbrush in the glass holder. “Okay.” He stretched then and Poe caught a glimpse of something pink beneath the faded shirt and when Armitage turned to leave the bathroom, Poe hooked his finger into the elastic band, stopping him.

“What have you done?”

“Me? I haven’t done anything.” The wide eyes and the raised eyebrow told a different story though.

“You didn’t…” Poe muttered, chancing a look down at the gap between Armitage’s hip and the sweatpants. At the thin layer of light pink peaking out at him.

“I didn’t… what?”

His mouth was dry and it took him a moment before he could let go of the fabric. “Did you…get stuff?”

“Well…”Armitage began, speaking slowly and in a voice so low that Poe felt a shudder of anticipation run down his spine, “I may have bought new underwear. For good luck, you know, but I didn’t really have time to change into it yesterday.”

“Are you blaming me for that?” Poe asked with a soft smile. “That wouldn’t be fair, would it?”

“No, I’m blaming myself for being a lazy old man who couldn’t bring himself to seduce his husband on their wedding night.”

“Is it seduction if you’re married?”

“Depends on who you’re asking.” Armitage’s hands wandered up his chest, his thumbs drawing circles on his clavicle. “We’re married, aren’t we?”

“Last I checked.” Grinning to himself, Poe leaned in, pulling Armitage against himself with a single tug. “I want to see your new stuff.” To think that Armitage had even thought about that. Armitage of all people. That he had put thought and effort into his wardrobe was common knowledge, and he’d significantly improved Poe’s as well over the course of the past one and a half years, but to think that he put thought into what to wear on their wedding night was something Poe would not have expected. Armitage paid attention to how he looked, but he was not vain. It wasn’t as though he was a prude either, but Poe had never even for a second imagined he’d go for something as frivolous as this. Was it frivolous?

Well… it was pink, wasn’t it?

Soft pink…

And lace.

Swallowing hard Poe looked deep into Armitage’s eyes, feeling the warmth spread through his chest and making his fingers itch to take off the rest of Armitage’s clothes. Where had he gotten the idea?

With a long exhale, Armitage let himself sink forward, looking down on Poe with an expression Poe had become very familiar with. It made him feel almost drunk with dizziness. And the knowledge that they were a proper family now, just the three of them, all of them with the same name, was enough to drive the worrisome thoughts about the damn papers Solo had brought straight out of his mind. “Poe Dameron, I can’t show you if you don’t let me go,” Armitage breathed against his lips, his forehead resting against his. 

“I guess that’s what you might call a dilemma. I don’t wanna let you go, Armitage Dameron.” Just that one last name. Just the one. One name telling the entire world that they were an item. Inseparable, the name of Hux completely forgotten… “Damn, things will become difficult when were’re both working again.”

Armitage scoffed and met Poe’s kiss with a familiarity that drove all thoughts of lace straight out of Poe’s mind. It was so easy to get lost in this. To recount the steps they had taken a million times before. To feel Armitage’s hands on his cheeks and his fingertips slowly diving into his hair to hold him tight. To hold him steady and right where he was while Armitage’s mouth, perfectly fitting against his own, trailed his lips. Once. Twice. The tips of their noses touched and Poe’s lips parted of their own accord, welcoming Armitage’s with a sigh.

He stumbled against the doorframe leading into the bathroom, letting out a low huff as the wood hit right between his shoulder blades, but the sound was immediately captured by Armitage’s kiss. Those soft lips pressing up against his, all smooth and warm and simply perfect. With a soft sigh, he leaned into it, his heart fluttering wildly in his chest when Armitage pushed his hands under his shirt. Slowly. So infinitely slowly.

“Getting bored of me, yet?” Armitage whispered, making Poe shake his head.

“No…” was all he managed to say, when what he wanted to point out that all he wanted to do at this point was stay right here, his arms wrapped around Armitage and let himself be kissed until his legs were nothing but puddles of goo. But instead he held on tight to Armitage and pulled him closer, smashing his mouth against his. Their tongues met as though on command, making Poe’s breath hitch and he next second Armitage almost fell against him, his hands brushing up his spine.

There was a soft sound of shuffling not far away and they both froze at once. “Arthur…” Armitage breathed and Poe nodded, gently pushing Armitage away from him and immediately taking his hand. Arthur was only a few feet away from where they were standing.

“Yes…” Armitage nodded once, then started pulling Poe towards their bedroom. So there was no time to check in on their son? Well, that was saying something, Poe thought to himself, still grinning. And then Armitage caught his eye. “Oh, we looked on him about a hundred times each. He’ll be okay. Beebee is with him.”

“For now.”

Armitage laughed softly as they entered their bedroom and Poe kicked the door closed behind them, effectively shutting out the cats before they could walk in on them and making Armitage look at him so reproachfully he had to grin even wider. “It’s my house too, buddy,” he said, kicking off his trainers next.

It was a bright room, white walls and huge windows overlooking the fields stretching out below them. Poe had drawn the curtains before, though he doubted anyone could possibly look into their room, here in the middle of nowhere, but Armitage slept better that way. They had put up the bed which Armitage had bought for his apartment and had put up Poe’s old one in Arthur’s room for now. Not that the kid needed it, but somehow they couldn’t bring themselves to get rid of it.

“I still adore this place,” Armitage said as he took a few steps towards the bed. “You do have good ideas sometimes.”

With a shrug, Poe followed him and put his hands on his hips. It was so easy to wrap his arms around Armitage this way. To feel like he could just melt into him. “You thought of keeping it all simple and white.”

“We can’t stuff this place full with antiques, you know?”

Laughing softly, Poe slipped his hand over the soft fabric covering Armitage’s stomach and he thought he could already feel the fine structure of the lace beneath it. He never thought he’d be excited by this sort of thing, but just knowing that Armitage had actually bought something like this and put it on was beyond exciting. “Well, you married one, so there.”

There was another short burst of laughter and Armitage put his hands on Poe’s, stopping him effectively. “You are aware that I’m older than you, right?”

“Nobody ever said antiques couldn’t marry other antiques.”

“We have to drill this into Arthur straight away.”

“Absolutely,” Poe grinned into Armitage’s shirt. “I’d like to see this _new_ thing you bought though. I mean you went to all the trouble… was it hard to put on?”

“I actually had to ask Rey to close it for me?”

“Rey’s seen it?”

“No… she just tied the bow at the back.”

“Well, now I’m uncomfortable.”

A short scoff, then Armitage disentangled himself from Poe’s arms. “You don’t have to open it if you don’t want to, you know? I can do it.” Armitage breathed as he turned around. He stood there for a moment, before their bed, in his faded Bowie shirt and the new pants, holding Poe’s gaze, his face almost scarlet. Poe couldn’t remember seeing Armitage this embarrassed. He had always been straightforward with everything. Always accepting everything about himself, even those scars. And here he was. Blushing. “We haven’t tried anything new in forever, have we?” Poe asked, his voice hoarser than he’d expected it to be.

“Yes… well, I thought it might be a good idea, but-“

“No-“ Poe cut across him, raising his hands, “No, let’s do that. If you want. If you don’t then that’s fine. “And we don’t even have to do anything if you don’t want to. I’d be perfectly happy just holding you the entire night. With lace or with that Bowie shirt.”

Armitage passed a hand over his face and briefly looked at his toes. “I just feel ridiculous.”

Shaking his head, Poe took both of his slender hands into his and kissed each knuckle carefully. Every touch of his lips a promise that he would be okay with everything Armitage wanted. “Don’t,” he whispered. “It’s okay. It’s all okay, really. I love you, remember? That means in sickness and in health, naked and fully clothed.”

That actually brought him a smile from Armitage. A real one. “You’re insane, Dameron.”

“Hey, you married a lunatic. An antique lunatic.” He smiled softly. “But you still don’t have to show me if you don’t want to.”

With a sigh, Armitage let go of his hands and went over to the light switch by the door. Now the soft lights from the lamps on the bedside table made his face look that much younger and his blush seem less apparent. “No, I want to… I mean I bought it… and you’re stuck with me anyway…” He laughed and with the tiny hint of nervousness in hit, his voice sounded lower. “Okay… don’t laugh though.” Armitage flashed him another quick smile that barely reached his eyes before he pulled the shirt over his head to reveal a frilly bit of nothing and Poe’s breath caught in his chest. There was nothing frivolous about it. Nothing aggressive in the way the see-through lace, light pink and almost the same tone as the blush on Armitage’s cheeks, lay softly against his skin. It was low cut, two pink ribbons holding it in place in his neck and for a brief second Poe wondered how he hadn’t noticed the silky straps before.

Armitage looked at him, his eyes wide and only when he caught Poe’s smile did he manage to relax a bit. “I’m sorry, this is silly.” He reached up to untie the bow, but Poe held up his hands.

“It’s not silly at all,” Poe said, his voice tight with emotion. “Please… please keep going. This is… something.” He let out a long breath, unable to put into words what was going through his head. Because there were no words. Not even words to name the emotions starting to overwhelm him, because the lace and the ribbons were the exact same colour as Armitage’s lips and somehow it made his cheeks look rounder, his shoulders less angular. It was as though, when Armtiage took a deep breath and pushed down the pants to reveal the soft pink bow around his middle holding the little piece together like it was a gift, every sharp angle seemed to vanish from his body. As though all that was left was the ma Poe would give everything he had to keep by his side. The man who cared so much it hurt sometimes.

Poe stood there for a moment, unable to do anything but take it all in. To admire what this little piece did to his Armitage.

Because that was what he was:

His Armitage.

His husband.

His husband who was blushing even more now, the colour spreading from his cheeks to his neck. “You’re beautiful,” Poe said softly, crossing the distance between them with one single stride. “You’re gorgeous,” he sighed, his hands on Armitage’s hot cheeks. “And beautiful.”

“You said that already,” Armitage said, his voice cool despite the tears in his eyes. How did he do this? Make his voice act firm and determined when the rest of his body was ready to crumble away under Poe’s touch. “But thank you anyway.”

“Don’t cry, Armitage, please,” Poe whispered, ignoring the prickling in his nose and the way his own eyes were starting to burn. If anything was silly, then it was this. This urge to cry when all he had thought about was how lucky he was.

“You don’t cry.” Armitage’s arms went about him, holding him tight, Armitage’s warmth seeping into Poe’s skin, even with the two thin layers of fabric between them, as their lips met again in a slow, trembling kiss which didn’t end when they were lying side-by side on the bed and which was only broken briefly when Poe took of his own shirt. One small kiss after another, a hundred, a thousand little pecks that Poe’s insides clench in anticipation with every little touch, going over into one that seemed to last an hour and which was little more than a shared breath as their bodies lay perfectly aligned on the bed, hands roaming freely, until they didn’t move at all, their fingers laced together. One kiss, during which Poe took his time clumsily opening the bows and finding that without them the little piece of fabric fell apart like the packaging of a precious gift. A kiss that didn’t even end when Armitage finally straddled Poe, his thighs pressing hard against his hips, or when they slowly started moving, Poe buried deep inside Armitage. Gasps and moans were swallowed up by it, destined to vanish into nothingness as Poe’s mind, wiped clean of any thought, did nothing but buzz with the one sensation of Armitage pressed up against him, his toes curling up in anticipation, but his lips unable to utter a single word as they sought Armitage’s.

When he finally came, he felt Armitage tense up on top of him, felt the hot wetness stain his own stomach and all he could do was hold Armitage’s face close to his, to pull him down on top of him as he slid out. And still there were tears mixed with he kiss. Whether they were his own, or Armitage’s he couldn’t even tell anymore, but he was relieved they had shared that too.

And when Armitage finally pulled away, he didn’t really end the kiss, because Armitage merely put his head on Poe’s shoulder, his lips gently pressed up against Poe’s jaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lingerie Hux is wearing was inspired by some incredible artwork on tumblr. I'll put up the link if the artist gives me permission.


	23. Chapter 23

“You could see these as promise for a bright future.” Patricia Mothma leaned back in her chair after she’d read the papers which Poe and Armitage had brough her. “I mean, I am no expert in stocks, but five percent of First Order is not bad at all.”

“What are the strings attached to this?” Poe asked. He’d read the papers, of course he had, but not once in all his life had he expected he’d have to deal with this sort of thing, and he wasn’t entirely sure what it was he had read there.

“Well,” she said, brushing a hand through her short bristly hair before reaching for the other pile, “Your father’s lawyer sent me a copy of the will and I looked through it. You, Armitage, are excluded from his will, I’m afraid.”

“I cannot say that I care,” Armitage said. He was leaning back in his chair, hands folded over his stomach, his jaw clenched. He barely opened his mouth as he spoke.

“You could challenge it,” she said, “Fifty percent of all of this should be legally yours.”

“No,” he stated bluntly, his hands clenched and his brow furrowed. “What about Arthur’s inheritance? That’s what I’m worried about. What are the strings there?”

“Well…” she passed a hand over her forehead. “Since you are excluded from the will and your father’s wife has also passed away, Arthur stands to inherit everything obviously. The house in London, the house in Cumbria, the cars, the other assets.” She cleared her throat and passed a hand over her forehead. “And since you have adopted him…” She looked up at the two of them and Poe felt his stomach tighten. Never, in all his life, had he thought this sort of thing could be such a blow. “Well, let me put it this way: Brendol Hux did not make arrangements in case he and his wife both died at the same time. She was to inherit a significant amount, of course although he made sure that most of the money would be legally Arthur’s only to be used in Arthur’s interest. Some of it is held in a safe account that only Arthur will be able to access once he comes of age, but everything else is yours to manage, so basically it _is_ yours.”

“It’s Arthur’s.” Armitage balled his hands into fists. “How do we proceed if we want to sell it all. There’ll be a massive inheritance tax as well, I believe?”

She cleared her throat again, adjusted her glasses and pulled her notes closer. Her desk was packed with folders and paper, leaving barely enough room for her keyboard and her elbows. Poe knew Armitage probably wasn’t very impressed by this setup, but Luke had recommended her.

“Well yes,” she pushed up her glasses again, “And Mr Travis sent me a rough estimate as well. If you sell the cars and the house in Cumbria, that should cover the taxes. Keeping the assets will mean you can keep the rest and-“

“No,” Armitage cut across her. The frown on his place was almost scary, and Poe exhaled briefly, catching Armitage’s eye.

“I’m sure you’ve guessed my husband didn’t have the best of relationship with his father. And I agree. We can’t keep any of that stuff. Not even for Arthur. What would we even do with two houses in England and a couple of cars?”

Patricia nodded and leaned back in her chair. “I could give you the number of a friend. He’ll be able to help you with selling things in the UK, though I do believe it might be a good idea for you to fly there again and oversee it yourselves, in case you-“

“I’d give it away, frankly,” Armitage said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But I can’t make that decision for my son.”

Poe swallowed hard. “No,” he muttered. “No, selling it is the best option. Even if we end up with next to nothing for those sales, the stocks will cover Arthur for everything he could ever ask for. It’s not bad.”

Armitage laughed dryly, but he didn’t say another word as Patricia nodded. “I’ll get in contact with my colleague.”

Armitage took a long deep breath the moment they were outside again. Poe could tell he could have done with a cigarette. He’d never seen him smoke, but Poe knew the look. He knew what it meant when Armitage put his hands into his pockets like this, and when he looked up at the sky, breathing hard like the air around him wasn’t enough. “Hey, maybe we could donate all that stuff to a charity. You know, the houses and stuff?” 

Armitage nodded, eyes still trained on the bright blue sky hanging overhead. “Yes… yes, we should think about that.” He let out another long breath and passed a hand over his face. “I think it might be a good idea to go there, though… at some point. See what’s what. If we get the chance to do so before we have to pay a few million in taxes.” He shuddered visibly despite the heat and Poe moved closer, wrapping an arm about him. A few million… Poe still couldn’t quite grasp what had just been thrust upon them. “I don’t want to, but it’s not for us.”

“My dad said we should take some of the money and pay off the mortgage…” Poe cleared his throat and shook his head. He hated the idea of taking anything of that money, but it made sense. Arthur lived in that house as well and it would definitely make his life easier if his parents didn’t have to worry about paying the mortgage. It would make it easier on Armitage as well, allowing him to stay home for as long as he needed to.

A grin started spreading over Armitage’s face. “He would hate that,” he muttered. “According to him I still owed him for university.” He laughed bitterly. “Would be fitting, wouldn’t it? And then we’d donate the money we get from selling the houses to help children get through college, no matter what they choose to study. Oh, he’d hate that.”

“You are a very spiteful person,” Poe said, unable to stifle a grin himself. “And I can’t believe I love you anyway.”

“Well, you’ve always been a fool that way.” There was no smile on his face now, but when he looked at Poe, and his green eyes were warm, showing him all the pain Armitage was feeling, Poe knew to expect the kiss. They weren’t alone. There were people in the street, cars driving by, but Armitage took his time, drawing Poe close to himself, digging his fingers into Poe’s shirt in a seemingly unending kiss that made Poe’s knees feel like they were made of rubber. Warm and soft and deep, stirring that certain something inside him that made him want to pull Armitage into his car and drive them home as quickly as possible. When Armitage pulled away, Poe could still feel his lips. Almost. Not quite. “Guess I’m a fool as well.”

“The biggest,” Poe breathed up at him. Armitage appeared slightly more relaxed now. “It’s out of our hands anyway, Armitage. At least until she’s contacted that guy in England. So… why don’t we take a step back, too? There’s nothing we can do at the moment.”

Armitage nodded and reluctantly let go of Poe’s shirt and immediately weaved their hands together. “We have a few days,” he said.

“Let’s not worry about this again before the play, okay?” Armitage was wound up enough as it was and it was only a week before the premiere of the play.

“Fine.”

“Thank you.” Poe nodded, though he was fairly certain that Armitage would not let it rest. That he would go through the papers again. Patricia had kept the originals to work with, and the binder was in the shoulder bag. It was heavy enough that it was a small miracle Armitage wasn’t feeling it pulling him down. He would just have to make sure that Armitage didn’t get too invested in those papers and spend every night looking over them again and again.

Somehow he doubted he would be able to do that.

Phil Andersen had arrived in Anchorhead along with First Order. As secretary to Enric Pryde he had helped set up the company’s presence here and he had quit shortly after meeting Finn. Armitage had to hand it to him: giving up a job at First Order to work in a book shop which would surely face competition from his former employers was brave. Braver than Armitage could ever be. Hadn’t he made a run for it when things became too hairy for him in London?

“Hey, guys,” Poe said, entering the book shop, ignoring the group of teenage girls ducking into a row of books the second he and Armitage walked through the door.

Phil was sitting on top of the counter, a book open in his lap and when he spotted Armitage and Poe walking in, he put the volume to the side and Armitage caught a glimpse of the cover. Rey’s book. That was good. He nodded appreciatively and took in the smell of the familiar shop, trying not to focus on the girls giggling a few feet away from them.

“Hello,” Phil said quietly, looking over his shoulder to another set of shelves from where Finn emerged the fraction of a second later. “Look who’s here.”

“It’s the Damerons!” Finn laughed as Phil jumped off the counter. “How have you been?”

“Since Saturday?” Poe asked. “Pretty good.” He shrugged and reached for a book sitting on a pile on one of the display tables. A hardback copy of _Persuasion_. Poe loved that book, Armitage remembered, having found a set of five copies when he first visited Poe’s house. The man truly was a book hoarder. “How about you?”

Phil shrugged and moved around the counter. “Nothing special, really.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” Finn said quietly, eying Phil, “Phil talked to an old colleague and it looks like First Order wants to invest in a mall just outside town.”

“A mall?” Armitage leaned against the counter. “Does that even make sense for a town this size?”

With a sigh, Phil pulled out the book with sheet music which Armitage had ordered a few days ago and pushed it across the counter towards him.

“Make it big enough and pretty enough, with a massive cinema, and it sure as hell will,” Phil said quietly. Armitage still hadn’t gotten used to hearing his Irish accent around here. “The goal is to make living here more attractive and to get more people to work in the wharf. You know, make it all bigger and better.”

“Yeah, it’s something I still can’t wrap my head around.” Poe moved to stand next to Armitage, driving the girls even further down the row of shelves. “That place was failing before First Order took over… now look at it.”

Armitage scoffed as he went back to the display table to pick up the book Poe had just put back there. Yes, it was indeed _Persuasion_ , and by the looks of it, a new edition with a truly beautiful cover depicting silhouettes of the two main characters standing back to back.

“What?”

“Can we please not talk about this?” Armitage suppressed a shudder. He’d have to deal with the very idea of First Order again soon enough. The folder was lying in the backseat of Poe’s car, a constant reminder of what they were dealing with here. He shook his head and walked back to the counter next to the book which Phil had just put there. “These two?”

Phil’s light brown eyes glinted for a moment when Poe poked Armitage’s side. “Sure. Oh, when will you bring over the tickets for the play? We’ve had customers come in and ask for them all week.”

“The day after tomorrow?” Armitage watched as Finn leaned against the counter, his arm grazing Phil’s. These two really were careful around each other, even now after a few months. There was still a sense of hesitation, but the way Finn seemed more relaxed around Phil was obvious to anyone who had witnessed them during the first few weeks.

“Sure,” Phil nodded enthusiastically. “Don’t forget the free tickets for us.”

“As if I would… but really, you don’t have to come. Don’t feel obligated.”

Finn shook his head. “Will you stop playing modest, we all know you’re not.”

There was a short burst of giggles from between the shelves and Armitage felt his cheeks grow hot. Finn leaned back to raise a finger at the girls. “Remember, I’m allowed to talk to your teachers like that. You’re not! And if you don’t watch out I’ll tell them what kinds of books you’re buying here.”

“Finn!” One of the girls shrieked and Armitage felt like sinking into a hole in the ground.

“Oh, I already know,” Poe said loudly, wrapping an arm around Armitage’s shoulders. It lay there, heavy and comfortable, pulling Armitage out of his darkening thoughts. “I’ve read the dirty quotes on the walls of the toilets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a short one! I hope you guys are still enjoying the story. I'm done plotting, so now I "only" have to write and finish this story. I might add a short story set in this universe later though. I can't just abandon the boys. <3

**Author's Note:**

> A year has passed... what do you think has changed? :-D


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